Pearl Nash
Being candid and open are wonderful traits to have.
But while at work, these same traits can lead you into trouble. It could even cost you your job!
You see, the office has unwritten rules on what you should never ever talk about.
Want to know when to shut up while at work?
Here are 8 circumstances at work where the best thing to do is stay silent.
1) When someone screws up
When someone commits a mistake at work, it’s challenging not to react sometimes. After all, we freely express ourselves when our family and friends commit mishaps.
So we can’t help but whisper to our colleagues:
“OMG! What was Ellen thinking?!”
“I thought she worked hard for this.”
“How embarrassing! No wonder she’s not yet promoted.”
And this is when our big mouth gets us in trouble.
While these might seem like “candid reactions”, they actually sound like gossip to most people. And they will view YOU negatively.
Let me explain why.
In psychology, there’s a phenomenon called False Consensus Effect whereby we tend to overestimate how other people view things the same way we do.
We think we’re simply voicing out what others already know and agree with, and that we’re not actually tarnishing someone’s reputation.
But even if you’re simply expressing frustration (and even sympathy), people could interpret this action as you being gossipy.
Lesson?
When someone messes up, the best thing to do is zip your mouth. Or, you know, be more empathetic.
This is when you should apply the adage “if you can’t say something nice don’t say anything at all”.
2) When someone gossips
So let’s say you’re so careful not to say anything negative to others. That’s great!
You’re better than the average person.
But what happens if you’re on the receiving end of gossip?
According to Dr. Michael Wiederman , who’s an expert in workplace psychology, “The easiest response is to just listen and not really respond.”
But if it’s about something controversial, he suggests that you should express your differing opinion clearly. Remaining silent could be interpreted as agreement due to False Consensus Effect.
If someone repeatedly shares gossip with you however, you should be more proactive about shielding yourself from them.
You probably should interact with them less and less or if that’s not possible, simply say “I’m sorry. I don’t want to comment.” until they get your message.
3) When you’re emotionally overwhelmed
How many times have you said something harsh because you’re angry or frustrated?
I’ve done it so many times in the past, and I still get haunted by them till this day. If only I just shut my mouth.
If you’re a boss or manager and you express frustration and anger like it’s your right, you might already be verbally abusive without you knowing it.
According to psychology, “Verbal abuse often is manifested as derogatory language, usage of curse words or threats, and use of a harsh tone or voice.”
But it can be any of the following: blaming, criticizing, gaslighting, humiliating, and threatening.
So if you have the tendency to go no-filter when you’re emotionally overwhelmed, don’t do that —especially not at work!
Learn how to manage your negative feelings so you won’t explode.
4) When someone’s venting
Your colleague asks if you can have coffee because they simply need to vent.
And then they’d rant about how someone’s an asshole, how another one’s unreliable, and how everyone (except the two of you) sucks.
They’re “venting”, alright. But this will have negative effects on YOU.
You can’t unhear what they’ve told you and so your opinion on others are greatly affected, too.
When someone’s venting, yes, hear them out. But say “I understand how frustrating this could be for you. I suggest you talk to HR about this.”
Show empathy to how they FEEL, but don’t dig deeper.
Change the topic, help them to cheer up, and keep your interactions short.
Show them you care but that you really don’t like hearing about their negative opinions on others very often.
5) When someone asks your opinion on someone
“Jessie also thinks that you should be more assertive.”
If you’re Jessie, you’d go “What?! I never said that!”
But they probably “shared” to you about how slow the project was moving and that your manager needs to be more assertive…and so you nodded or said “yeah”.
And now they’re using that against you!
This is one of the most common manipulative tricks called triangulation.
And you need to be extra careful when dealing with these manipulative people. They can use your words to push their own agenda.
Again, just remember, when someone says ANYTHING negative, just keep your mouth shut.
6) When your boss criticizes your work
I’m sensitive to criticism.
One time, when a client told me “I think the video is too boring.”, I said “But your product is too boring!”
And that, understandably, ended our relationship.
When we’re at work, we always have to be graceful. Always, always.
Seriously. ALWAYS.
So when your boss, who’s an expert at what you’re trying to do, says “Your paper needs more work.”, don’t sigh and say “You’re just being too picky” or other phrases that clearly show you can’t handle criticism.
That can leave them a lasting (negative) impression on you because inability to handle criticism well is a sign of low EQ, and it doesn’t make you more appealing to work with.
So next time someone gives you feedback, simply nod and agree—especially if they’re your superior.
And if you really have to defend yourself, say it in the nicest way possible.
7) When your information is not verified
So you heard that Leslie is about to be assigned to a different branch.
Everyone’s been talking about it and so you assumed it’s true.
And so while you’re in the car with your boss, you relay this information to them. You thought they’d appreciate you for telling them.
But then your boss flipped because why the hell were they not informed about this major decision?!
Oh no.
So your boss confronted some people and you found out that it’s not true—that it wasn’t actually Lesie who’ll move to a different office, it’s Karen.
And so now your boss is pissed at you for spreading wrong information. They lost a bit of trust in you, too—they might even think you’re a person who lacks integrity.
Whoopsie!
Lesson? Don’t spread information, especially if you don’t even know if they’re 100% true.
But if you feel like you really need to share, simply put a disclaimer “I am not sure this is true”, or “This is unverified info.”
8) When you suspect someone doing something fishy
You suspect that someone is stealing paper clips…or information, or money.
Or you know two people are having an office romance.
Or that someone’s a spy.
Should you share your suspicions with anyone?
Hell no!
Don’t act like a detective, don’t act like a “hero”. Instead, just shut up.
Look, reporting any of these things could be very risky for you and the people you suspect doing these crimes.
Do you want to keep your job? If yes, then stay away from drama and controversy!
If it’s really a big deal, the right people will find out eventually.
Final thoughts
Words are not just words.
What we say matters a lot, especially at work.
So make sure that you don’t blurt out statements that could start drama and cost you your job.
So when you find yourself in these eight circumstances, just remember to stay silent. You’ll be doing yourself a huge favor.
