Felicity Frankish
Finding your soulmate is an incredible moment.
Not everyone is lucky enough to find that one true person they connect with and want to spend the rest of their lives with.
But, does it always guarantee you a happy ending?
Sadly, no.
Let’s face it, we’re all human and mistakes are almost inevitable along the way.
Some just happen to be a lot bigger than others.
Don’t give up hope. Finding your soulmate is still just as magical as ever, relationships just take some work.
Can your soulmate cheat on you? Yes. They’re human too. Here’s everything you need to know about what to do with a cheating soulmate and how to work out whether or not your relationship has a future together.
What is a soulmate?
Put simply, a soulmate is someone you connect with on a deeper level.
Your souls connect.
According to Dr. Michael Tobin, a family and marital psychologist, “Your soulmate is your fellow traveller on the journey of life—you need one another to grow beyond the limitations of your individual selves.”
A soulmate is someone who gets you, in a way no-one else ever has in your life.
You need to step back and let that relationship manifest in its own way. The soulmate connection goes beyond just verbal communication. It’s about reading body language, facial expressions and being completely and utterly in turn with this other person.
Not everyone is lucky enough to find their soulmate in life.
Even fewer are fortunate enough to live out their happily ever after.
While soulmate relationships are special and unique, they aren’t exempt from the challenges any relationship faces.
For some, this includes cheating. While it’s sad to accept that even relationships with soul connections can go through such serious problems, it doesn’t have to be the end.
Here’s everything you need to know about cheating soulmates.
8 signs your partner isn’t your soulmate
If you’re partner has cheated on you, the first thing you need to do is work out if they truly are your soulmate. The truth is, soulmates share an extra special connection that makes the ability to cheat even harder.
While it’s not impossible for soulmates to cheat, it’s also not likely either. The first step is to consider whether this person really is your soulmate. This might open your eyes to your relationship and help you realise that your soulmate is still out there waiting for you, and it’s time to move on from this current relationship.
Here are 8 signs, your partner isn’t (and never was) your soulmate:
1) You no longer have fun together
Almost everyone experiences those butterflies in the stomach that come with each new relationship.
‘The honeymoon period’ as it’s so commonly referred to.
If this person is your true soulmate, then this period will never end. That’s what it feels like to be with your soulmate.
They’re your person.
You share a deeper connection that never lets up or fades away with time.
If that connection is gone and you’re no longer feeling this way about your partner, then it’s safe to say they aren’t your soulmate.
While it might have felt this way in the beginning, it certainly isn’t the case anymore.
2) There’s no sexual chemistry
Let’s face it, there’s no denying that this isn’t one of the big things that leads to cheating in the first place.
It’s natural to go through ruts in your relationships. But if your sex life is pretty much non-existent these days, even before the cheating, then it’s likely you’re no longer compatible.
That initial sexual chemistry you help together has all but disappeared, which means it was never the real thing to begin with.
This is likely why your partner has strayed.
You’re not soulmates and never were.
3) Your emotionally drained
While relationships can be hard work – even the soulmate ones – if you’re finding yourself emotionally drained when you’re around your partner, it’s not meant to be.
Your soulmate is the one who fills you with joy and happiness.
They instantly uplift your mood just by walking into the room.
If your partner is draining that energy from you instead, then it’s safe to say they’re not, and never were, your soulmate.
4) The communication isn’t there
Relationships are all about open communication.
If there seems to be a roadblock in your relationship with your partner unable to get you half the time, the warning bells should be ringing for you. This isn’t a soulmate relationship.
You should be able to communicate in a number of different ways with your soulmate. From a glance across the room to the touch of the knee at a party, these signals should be all you need.
Soulmate share this extra connection that should be very visible for you.
If it’s not, then it’s time to walk away and find your soulmate.
5) You’re trying to fix each other
It’s normal to want the best for each other, but trying to change a person is a whole different story.
If you don’t want to live the rest of your life with the person they are now, then it’s safe to say they aren’t the person for you.
The last thing you want is to get to old age and realise you have spent your whole life trying to change someone who doesn’t want to be changed. And your partner will come to resent those efforts as well.
You’re not each other’s soulmate.
6) The trust is gone
Naturally, with any indiscretion, you’re going to lose a degree of trust for your partner.
But trust is something that can be built back.
If the trust was gone in your relationship long before your partner cheated on you, then things aren’t likely to improve from this point.
It doesn’t matter how much you care about them and want to trust them again, if it isn’t there, it isn’t there.
Cut your losses now and take the time to invest in yourself and finding your true soulmate.
7) You have different values
This is a big sign that things aren’t going to work out for the two of you, no matter how much you love each other.
Every relationship requires a degree of compromise, but if you’re values are too far apart, problems are going to arise.
For example, if you value family over work, but your partner is the opposite, this is going to become a big problem when you’re ready to start a family.
You just haven’t found the right person yet.
8) Your gut tells you so
Trust your gut on this one.
When it comes to finding your soulmate, it’s something that you know from inside out.
When your souls are so connected and you feel so in tune with each other, you don’t find yourself questioning whether this is the right person for you.
You instinctively know it.
If it doesn’t feel right, then take it for what it is.
Move on from this relationship and go on the hunt for your true soulmate.
How to move on from a cheating soulmate
If you have read through the signs and are convinced your partner really is your soulmate, then you have a serious choice to make.
We all make mistakes in life and if your soulmate has cheated on you, then they have made a big one. The steps you take next are entirely up to you.
Do you have the ability to forgive them and move on?
Are you able to put the cheating behind you?
Here are some steps you can take to help you move on:
1) Work through your emotions
Discovering that you’ve been cheated on brings with it a lot of big emotions for you to work through.
If you act on those emotions, you may end up with a few regrets in time.
Instead, it helps to take some time to work through and process what you’re feeling to allow you to then make rational decisions when they’re needed.
Just remember, your feelings are completely valid.
It’s so normal to feel angry, hurt, upset and betrayed. Your soulmate has lied to you. They have gone a step further and chosen to be with someone else. There’s not much they can do or say to make this OK right now.
2) Look at the facts
After you take the time to process all those emotions floating around and taking over your thoughts, it’s time to take a good hard look at the facts. This will help you decide: what next?
Instead of allowing your overactive imagination to make up its over version of events, write down exactly what you know about your partner’s cheating (without the graphic details).
- When did it happen?
- Where did it happen?
- Who was it with?
- What has your partner said or done since you discovered the cheating?
- What have you said or done?
- What promises have been made?
These simple facts can help bring a little clarity to the situation. Now you need to listen to your heart. What do you believe? Are the promises made empty promises, or do you believe they can be carried through on?
The only way your relationship has a future is if that trust can be rebuilt. If you don’t feel like you could ever trust your partner again, then it will be a wasted effort. Soulmate or not.
3) Take a stand
While you might want to forgive and move past this with your soulmate, more importantly, they have to want it to.
If your soulmate isn’t on board, then history will repeat itself and you will find yourself cheated on time and time again.
Now’s the time to check your soulmate is on the same page as you. Now’s the time to set your conditions.
In order for your soulmate to earn back that trust, you have to think what it’s going to take from them.
- Ask them to cut ties with the person they cheated with.
- Ask them for access to their phone, email and social media for total transparency.
- Consider whether or not counselling might help the two of you in this situation.
- Let them know you’re going to want to keep tabs on them.
One person can’t fix the damage that has been created. It’s something the two of you have to work at together. And more importantly, something you have to be willing to work at.
4) Forgive them
This has to be one of the hardest things to go: forgive.
Don’t force yourself into this before you’re ready. Forgiveness takes time and involves processing a lot of emotions along the way.
It’s OK to feel pain and loss with everything you have been through, but also know that every soulmate relationship is subject to the possibility of cheating.
Don’t feel like you have done anything wrong, or doubt the connection the two of you have together. What makes you soulmates is the way you communicate so effectively with each other, which will help you move on.
If you feel like you’ll never be able to forgive them, let them go. No relationship can survive when one partner is holding onto that negative energy.
5) Make peace with your decision
Whether you choose to give your partner a second chance or not, you have to make peace with the decision you make.
Even if your soulmate relationship ends, it doesn’t mean you have given up your only hope of love.
Some people believe we have more than one soulmate out there for us. Open yourself up to the possibility of a new relationship.
If you decide to give your soulmate a second chance, then work on rebuilding that trust. It won’t happen overnight. It also won’t help to throw the cheating back in their face every chance you get.
You have to make peace with your decision to give them a second chance and constantly work on that relationship to make it stronger than ever.
Leaving your soulmate
Not all soulmate relationships last. While this might be hard to accept, you need to do what is best for you. And that might mean moving on and leaving this relationship behind.
No amount of regret or remorse can overcome the negative energy that is created by a cheating partner if you’re unable to forgive them.
That’s why this is the most important question to ask yourself.
Can you forgive them?
Answer as honestly as you can before you make a decision, since this will affect the future of your relationship.
