So you have a crisis in your relationship. You don’t know when it started, but you noticed that your feelings for each other had gone cold.
How did this happen, and will your love ever come back?
Well, I’m here to tell you that it definitely can.
In this article, we will explore 17 signs that lost feelings can come back and what you can do to revive your relationship.
1) They told you once that you’re “The One”
If you had such a strong impression on them that they had told you that you’re the one for them, then chances are that their feelings will eventually return.
Things like these are not easily replaced or forgotten, no matter how hard they may try.
Some people even spend years trying to deny their feelings for the person they once said was their “one and only”, only to realize that their feelings never died.
That doesn’t mean that problems and petty conflicts aren’t going to be an issue, because they can still bury those feelings until it would almost seem like they aren’t even there.
But once you deal with those problems, their love for you will return.
You have such a strong pull on them that they can’t help but go back to you at the end of the day.
2) Neither of you cheated
Cheating is a relationship killer and as long as none of you committed it, your relationship has a chance to become better again.
Even if you’re now distant to one another and even if they confessed that their feelings for you are gone, there’s still a chance their feelings will come back if there’s no other person involved.
No line was crossed, and your trust and respect for each other remains intact.
The fact that they didn’t cheat even if they’re not in love anymore is also a good indicator that you’ve found yourself a keeper.
Your partner has a good moral compass and they know how to handle relationships even when the passion is gone.
I guarantee you that once their feelings for you will awaken again (as it usually does for long-term couples), you’ll have a stronger relationship. You can be confident that they’ll remain faithful to you no matter what.
3) Your “break” was because of a difference in values
One sign that your lost feelings can still come back is that your break was because of a difference in values.
They’d do or say something so against your values that you’d think “How can my partner think this way? Do I even know him?”, and they probably think the same thing towards you.
Perhaps, because of this, your love and respect for one another have changed.
It’s understandable. Having compatible values matters a lot in relationships.
Such a fundamental difference might have caused such friction between the two of you that it overshadowed the love you had for one another. And so you either break up or start being distant towards one another.
While differences in values aren’t exactly easy to mend, it’s also common for couples to get back together once they manage to come to a compromise or understanding.
It will be a bit tougher if you’ve already broken up, but definitely not impossible.
Neither of you betrayed the other, after all.
4) You simply needed some time to find yourselves
Sometimes people simply get into a crisis if they spend too long doing nothing but living the same life they’ve always had.
Stability from a relationship might be good, but after a point, you will start wondering about the opportunities you passed on, and the lives you could have led.
This can make people “lose” their feelings for their partners and make them go out and look for satisfaction or fulfillment elsewhere.
This is often known as a “mid-life crisis”, but you don’t have to be in your mid-life to go through this issue. It’s something that just comes up from having too much stability for too long.
Once you’ve had enough time to yourself to reflect and find your true selves, however, it’s very likely that those feelings will return.
5) You still see your ex as your hero
Some things are simply exclusive to one gender or the other, and this is one of those. If your partner is a guy, then this segment applies—otherwise, you can move on to the next one.
If you still rely on your ex from time to time, and you still think highly of him as a person, the chances of you getting back together are higher.
You see, the thing with guys is that they have something called the “hero instinct”, where a guy will find you irresistible if you’re someone who makes him feel like a hero.
According to relationship expert James Bauer, this fascinating concept is an innate motivator that is ingrained in the DNA of all men.
If you want to reel your ex back in your life for good, you have to do more things that could trigger his hero instinct.
Of course, just because it’s called the “hero instinct” doesn’t mean you have to act like a damsel in distress or turn him into a Marvel superhero.
The best way to understand it is by checking out James Bauer’s excellent free video here. He shares some easy tips to get you started, such as sending him a 12-word text that will trigger his hero instinct right away.
Because that’s the beauty of the hero instinct.
It’s only a matter of knowing the right things to say to make him realize that he wants you and only you.
6) You didn’t involve others in your issues
Another sign that your lost feelings for one another may yet come back is that you did not involve others in your issues.
You didn’t drag in your friends to take your side in the fight or air your dirty laundry with them. And that’s because you still value your relationship.
You see, you both know it’s much harder to get back together in love when you’ve made your private issues public.
Not only is it harder to trust someone who has done this, the sheer peer pressure from knowing that your partner’s friends have taken a side against you will also strain your relationship.
It also means that the two of you are mature enough not to ruin your relationships with people over petty arguments, which means you’re more likely to think rationally and not be held back by pride should you eventually drift closer again.
7) Even if you’ve broken up, you’re still on speaking terms
The fact that you’re still on speaking terms—even if your conversations have gone cold or awkward—can be taken as a sign that your love can still be rekindled.
If you think about it, love doesn’t start when you meet a match on your dating app or catch the eye of someone hot at the bar. It starts when you talk to someone and truly get to know them for who they are.
It doesn’t matter if you simply lost interest in one another, had been arguing with one another, or had gotten into personal crises…. the fact that you can still talk means you have plenty of opportunity to work through whatever had caused your feelings to stagnate.
Eventually, you’ll find yourselves slowly rediscovering your feelings for one another as you settle your issues and rediscover yourselves.
8) Neither of you moved on to someone new
If the two of you had gone through a breakup, a big sign that your lost feelings will come back is that after all this time neither of you had tried moving on to someone new.
Or perhaps you did, but it never lasts long. You or your ex would find someone, go on dates with them, and then drop them like a hot rock after a few dates.
Perhaps you thought that you’re not yet ready to move on to someone new—or at least told yourself that—or you simply couldn’t care less. Perhaps you just can’t find someone who satisfies you.
Chances are that you still love one another dearly, and that’s why neither of you have moved on.
All you need to do is to figure out what has put a plug on your relationship and then work on that.
Deal with that, and you will find that those feelings you supposedly “lost” had always been there all along.
9) You’re both willing to make it work
Even if your relationship has been stale for years, if both of you are willing to work things out despite losing feelings for each other, it can eventually come back.
Trust me on this one: feelings of “love” come and go, it ebbs and flows. But true love remains intact.
If you have true love, the “feelings of love” will eventually return. You just have to be patient.
Something you can do to hasten the process is to discuss your issues together with a relationship coach.
Professional coaches have seen a lot in life, and have heard from so many people that whatever issues you might have… chances are that they know exactly what you need.
Of course, sometimes you might not have the time or money to burn in keeping up with a relationship coach in person. But that doesn’t mean you’re out of options.
You can also watch masterclasses offered by these same relationship coaches, like The Art of Love and Intimacy by the shaman Rudá Iandê.
In this masterclass, you will learn how to break free from ideas you might have about love and relationships that do more harm than good, as well as empower you to build a strong and healthy relationship.
You’re taught about issues such as codependency, expectations, as well as relationship fundamentals you might have overlooked. All things that can help bring back lost feelings into your relationship.
And all this is available for free, so don’t be afraid to check it out.
10) You talk about your good times together
Your feelings might have grown “cold”, but despite that you still talk to one another a fair bit about your good times together.
You might talk about your magical first date, or how much you used to love hanging out at the beach together.
If you haven’t broken up yet, this means that the two of you want to stay together and want to stay together. It might even be the case that you didn’t “lose” your feelings for one another—instead, your feelings changed, and you’re not yet sure what you have.
On the other hand, if you have broken up, this is a clear sign that the two of you want to reconnect with one another.
Chances are that the reason you talk about these things is to try to reconnect with one another. To remind each other of the good times you had together, and to remember the feelings that used to be there.
11) You still support one another
One sign that your feelings for one another will come back is the fact that the two of you still support each other.
They would, for example, come and cook your favorite casserole if they see that you’re sad. Or perhaps you might catch them doubting themselves, and you would think nothing of telling them that they can do it. You’d even give them a hug.
Many people continue supporting their partners even after their “feelings” have disappeared and they’ve started treating one another as friends instead. Others might try to deny it, and yet find themselves driven to help one another anyways.
Of course, something that should be considered when this is the case is that it’s very possible you never truly stopped loving one another.
Instead, your romantic feelings simply changed and now you feel a more platonic love for one another instead.
And platonic love, unlike romantic love, is a very calm and quiet form of love so you might get the impression that you’ve lost your feelings for each other… when you never did.
12) There’s no animosity between the two of you
Your romantic life might have gone cold—no more cute kisses, sex has become boring and dull. Butterflies no longer flutter in your belly when you see their face.
You now see each other as friends. But this isn’t a bad thing!
You might not be as thrilled to see each other in bed anymore, but you wouldn’t say no if they ask to hang out.
The fact that there’s no animosity between you is good. It makes it easier for the two of you to communicate.
And the fact that you see each other as friends means that you didn’t lose your feelings for each other all the way.
What you lost was the romantic aspect of your relationship… and this is something that you can fix by being the best version of you that you could be.
If you truly were meant for one another, then they will see you for who you are and realize their love for you.
13) You still stand up for each other
Another subtle sign that your feelings for each other can still come back is that despite the fact that your feelings for each other had grown cold, you still stand up for one another.
For example, they might take your side when someone picks a fight with you. Or, when you hear someone talking smack about them, you’d feel the urge to defend their dignity.
This is all the more poignant if you had broken up and your friends had decided to badmouth them to make you “feel better” because then you’d realize it doesn’t make you feel better at all.
The fact that you would stand up for each other still is a sign that you still care for one another, even if your romantic or sexual feelings had seemingly disappeared.
This means it’s very possible that there’s just something that pushed your feelings to the wayside. And though it might take months or even years, it means it’s possible for you to find those feelings all over again.
14) Their friends and family still like you
Relationships don’t just exist like an island, they’re made stronger with friends and family.
Animosity from friends and family is one way to gauge if it’s still possible to get back together or if you have lost them for good.
If you can’t help but feel animosity and aggression from your partner’s loved ones every time they’re around, it’s possible that it might be too late.
This is especially so if their animosity only made itself known shortly before or after the feelings between you and your partner were lost.
But if they still like you, and regard you no differently than before, then it probably isn’t too late for you just yet.
Whatever issues might exist between you and your partner, it isn’t severe enough for them to cut you off.
15) You don’t have each other blocked even when you’re angry
One sign that your lost feelings can still come back is if you don’t have each other blocked on your phones and social media.
It doesn’t matter if you had blocked each other in the past—what’s important is that you now have each other unblocked.
If you never blocked one another over, it means that even though your love for each other had “faded”, it never occurred to either of you to cut yourselves from one another.
If you had blocked, and then subsequently unblocked one another, then it means that you’ve both cooled down from whatever issues made you block each other in the first place.
There are bound to be many smaller details that define your situation, but in broad strokes, either of these is usually true.
Whatever the case may be, the fact that you don’t have each other blocked means that the opportunity for you to reach out and mend any bridges between the two of you that need fixing.
16) You’re still compatible to the core
Despite everything, you’re still compatible with each other to the core.
When you try saying something, they will immediately get what you mean. You can feel exactly when they’re down, and understand exactly what you need to do.
Despite everything, your chemistry is still there and it’s still a joy to be around them.
You might even wonder why you have lost your feelings for one another when you remain this compatible with one another.
Unfortunately, love does not rely on chemistry alone.
It requires effort from everyone involved for things to work—effort such as making sure you are communicating properly with one another, or that you’re making your partner feel good about themselves.
But if compatibility remains strong, there’s a chance that they’d do whatever it takes to become better so your love for each other will flourish again.
17) You both still feel excited to see each other
Perhaps you have broken up, or maybe you’re just on a small “break” so that you reassess the relationship. It hurts, but at the same time, you can’t help but feel a bit liberated.
Now that you’re seeing each other as friends (at least for now) it feels like there’s a weight off of your shoulders and now you find yourselves being excited to see one another again.
This is a sign that your issues aren’t really that you lost your feelings for each other, but that the weight of expectation or the boredom of routine had simply cast a shroud over your relationship.
In fact, there’s probably no reason you two shouldn’t get back together—but when you do, make sure you are aware of what has been holding you back and do better next time.
What you can do to revive the relationship
So we talked about the signs that tell you that it’s still possible for your lost feelings to come back. But what about the things you need to do?
After all, it’s not like waiting around is going to help much—action is needed if you want to get things going, or if you want to stop things from getting worse.
1) Tone down the scrutiny
It’s inevitable for couples who have been together for a while to begin noticing and scrutinizing the flaws and errors… even the ones that aren’t even that big of a deal in the first place.
Take, for example, the tone of voice that your partner puts on when they talk. Maybe you think they speak too loudly, or that they are too brash. You used to pay no mind to it at all back in the day, but now it just keeps on annoying you. You might even begin calling them out on it!
After some point, these little annoyances will grow and begin to overpower your feelings for one another to the point where you begin to question if you were ever in love in the first place.
That’s why you should try to be a little less harsh on your partner, and to be more accepting of their flaws—so long as it’s nothing especially bad.
2) Remind yourself that they’re their own person
Another issue that often plagues relationships is that, at some point, people will begin to see their partners as an extension of themselves instead of a wholly separate person with their own dreams and ambitions.
This is, unfortunately, an easy trap for people to get into without even realizing it… especially if the relationship had lasted a while.
After all, when most of your goals are aligned and you both are perfectly willing to do whatever it takes to make the other happy, it can become easy to think that you’re both part of a greater whole.
And this leads to disappointment when they don’t do exactly as you say, or when their plans conflict with yours.
3) Support their interests
Few things stir the heart more than knowing that someone you care for supports your interests and wants to know more about them.
So instead of merely “tolerating” their interests, try to be a bit more supportive. Encourage them to talk about their interests with you, and if you have the energy to spare try to understand and join in as well.
If they like chess, for example, it would probably make their day if you were to ask them to teach you how to play it.
While not all your interests have to be shared, having a few that are and still keeping in touch with those that aren’t means that you’ll have a lot of things to talk about together.
4) Don’t play mind games
Mind games, while seemingly fun and effective for getting someone quick, are harmful to relationships in the long run. They all rely on deception and manipulation in one way or another, and some even involve outright hurting your partner to keep them “interested.”
This is not what love is. It’s possessiveness and greed taking on the guise of love. Trying to keep someone in love with you by playing mind games is like burning down your house to get rid of termites.
Mind games stop being effective after a while as well when your partner gets used to them. When that happens, you’ll find that their love for you has gone cold.
That’s why you should avoid using mind games at all costs when you’re trying to mend your relationship.
5) Discuss and compromise
There are several things that are necessary for a long-lasting relationship, and good communication is one of them.
This is incredibly important whether you’re still together or if you have already broken up.
If you’re still together, communicating with each other and making sure you aren’t making any decisions for your partner or making them deal with your choices and your will.
Involve them in any and all important discussions to be had about your relationship and make sure you’re on the same page.
Proper communication is just as important if you have broken up. But in this case, you need to be even more careful about what you have to say when you’re together—after all, it’s not like you’re always in each other’s faces. Every interaction counts.
And most importantly, try to set down any sense of pride that might hold you back and try to work for acceptable compromises whenever there’s a conflict of interest.
Whether you’re still together or if you had already broken up over it, it’s not easy dealing with feelings that have grown cold and still.
It’s painful enough if the feeling is mutual, and it’s even worse if only one of you had lost their feelings… leaving the other to hope they would change their mind.
Now, while it’s hard to really bring someone back if they have truly, completely lost all of their feelings for you… most of the time people still do care deep down inside.
It’s just that there’s something in the way— whether it be discontent, unease, or consistent fighting.
All these signs indicate that while they might seem to have lost their feelings for you, those feelings aren’t completely gone either.
And if you do things right, you can still definitely win them back.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.