You’ve finally found the one and couldn’t be happier.
He’s your person. The one you want to spend the rest of your life with.
There are no doubts in your mind…
Well, almost no doubts.
It seems everywhere you turn couples are getting divorced or splitting up. The man cheats on the woman. The woman cheats on the man.
According to a 2008 Gallup poll, 54% of Americans know someone who has an unfaithful spouse. That’s more than half! It’s no wonder you’re questioning your own relationship.
The good news is, it’s possible for a man to remain faithful. But that doesn’t mean he will be.
We take a look at some of the reasons men stay faithful and some of the reasons other men get led astray. You can then read on for tips on how to help your man remain faithful.
10 reasons a man is generally faithful
The first and foremost reason is that he loves you and is content in your relationship together.
Of course, it also helps to understand what type of men are more likely to remain faithful to determine if your partner falls into one of these categories.
1) Little interest in sex
Sure, you have a great sex life together, but he simply isn’t that interested in it. Think, if you withheld sex, would he even notice?
This is a guy who is on the fence about sex. It also means he’s not the type of guy to head out and cheat on you. He just doesn’t care about sex enough to go out and seek it from someone else.
He’s probably quite mundane in the bedroom and not very adventurous when it comes to mixing things up. It’s not a bad thing after all…
2) He’s shy
Let’s face it, the shy guy who hates social outings and would rather sit at home in his pajamas is usually the last culprit for going out and having an affair.
Even if the opportunity to go out and have an affair presented itself right in front of them, they’re more than likely not going to notice it for what it is.
And once they do realise what just happened, they won’t regret their decision not to act on it. It’s just not in their nature.
3) Too busy
You might wish he spent more time at home and wasn’t always out at work, in business meetings, or running after the kids.
But turns out, the busy guy is the faithful guy. He simply doesn’t have time for an affair.
Striking up an affair takes a lot of time and effort, and if he simply doesn’t have that available to him, then it won’t even be an option.
Having an affair is much too time-consuming when he already has so much going on in his life.
4) He’s a bad liar
Have you ever caught your man out in a lie? How many times?
Some people are just bad liars. Whether he’s trying to keep your birthday present a surprise or wants to take you somewhere romantic, he can’t help but let it slip.
It also means he isn’t going to take on an affair.
Regardless of whether he wants to or not, there’s no way he would be able to keep the infidelity from you. He’d either burst out with it one night or slip up in some way early on.
5) He respects you too much
While he might think about an affair from time to time, it’s a mere fantasy for him. Why?
Because he loves and respects you too much. He wouldn’t risk your relationship for anything — as enticing as the idea of an affair might be to him in the beginning.
This guy knows your worth and how fortunate he is to be in the position he is. He doesn’t want to risk that for anything.
6) He supports your career
Many men can feel threatened by a woman’s career — especially if she is the breadwinner in a relationship.
Knowing early on that he supports your career is a great sign that he’s proud of you and what you’re accomplishing and considers your success his own.
This isn’t the type of guy that go off and cheat on you. He admires you far too much for that.
7) He’s great at communicating
If a man is open and honest about his feelings and always happy to sit down and have a chat about your relationship and where you are, then he isn’t likely to be unfaithful to you.
The more open you are as a couple, the more likely you are to work through any problems that might lead someone to cheat (if the circumstances were different).
A guy who’s happy to talk is going to openly tell his partner whether or not he’s happy in the relationship and whether or not his needs are being met. This is the perfect opportunity to work through any issues without resorting to cheating.
8) He’s secure
A guy who feels great about himself, the way he looks and who he is, isn’t likely to go wandering in search of validation from a stranger.
If your guy seems happy with his life and where he’s at, then you can trust that these feelings of fulfilment are going to keep him out of the arms of another woman.
It also means if a woman approaches him unexpectedly, he isn’t going to jump at the opportunity.
A secure man might appreciate the attention but won’t feel the need to go through with the cheating.
9) He’s emotionally intelligent
We often give guys a bad wrap for being emotionally unavailable. Meaning they simply like to avoid emotions as much as possible and don’t like to talk about them.
But there are guys out there who are the opposite. It’s often thought that emotional intelligence is a great predictor for whether or not a guy is likely to cheat.
So, what is emotional intelligence?
It’s not simply about his own emotions. It’s what he picks up on when it comes to the emotions of others. See how he reacts when someone is upset, or in pain.
Does he show empathy for them? Does he know how to react? This is emotional intelligence.
10) He’s a man of his word
Think back to your relationship from the start.
Has your man always been true to his word?
A man who honours his word is a great sign. Even when temptation is put in the way, he isn’t likely to take it up. He would rather keep his word and wouldn’t consider ever going back on it.
Think about the times your partner has made a promise to you.
Has he always stood by this promise? This is a great sign of a guy who is unlikely to be unfaithful to you.
10 reasons a man might be unfaithful
Before we even dive into these reasons, it’s important to note they’re just that.
They’re not excuses for what the man has done. Cheating is never acceptable. They are simply some of the reasons men might stray, so you can have a deeper understanding for your own relationship (and prevent it).
It’s also worth mentioning that sex is very rarely the motivation for a many to have an affair — contrary to popular belief.
It’s a simple fact that some men are simply unable to understand how their actions might play out and the consequences they will be left with.
He might be the type of guy who is happily married, but feels like he’s able to chop and choose when he feels like being faithful.
He has no understanding of the impact it might have on his marriage and barely gives a second thought to whether it’s right or wrong.
2) Ongoing issues
Whether he’s reliant on drugs, alcohol, or even addicted to sex, all these are triggers for cheating.
Each one will affect his decision-making and he likely won’t even be aware of what he’s doing in the moment.
He might regret it afterwards but more likely than not in the moment he’s not even aware of what he’s doing. He’s caught up on whatever substance he’s using and lost all decision-making ability.
Alcohol is known to lower one’s inhibitions, which makes them much more likely to cheat if the opportunity is presented to them.
As you might expect, a guy who feels insecure will feel that he’s not smart enough, not good looking enough, not funny enough.
He’s looking to give himself that much-needed boost, which is why he might go out looking to cheat.
They often call this a midlife crisis affair. He’s not feeling good about himself and where he’s at in life so goes out on the search for something more.
He simply wants to feel good about himself, and naturally goes about it the entirely wrong way. Sure, his ego gets a boost, but with no thought for what happens to his marriage afterwards.
4) He’s done with the marriage
For some guys, cheating is an easy way out of their marriage.
When they’re done with the marriage, they’re too scared to tell their wife it’s over. They might not have any idea what to say, or simply not want to do it.
Instead, they go out and have an affair, knowing that it’ll end their marriage for them.
It’s a coward’s way out and naturally a lot more hurtful than if he simply spoke the truth from the beginning. But when emotions get in the way of decision making, the wrong decisions tend to be made.
5) He wants a back-up option
He may also be on the search for his next relationship.
Once again, he knows he’s done with the marriage, so instead of telling you, he goes out and seeks the company of another woman. Someone he can run into the arms of once he finally leaves you.
He’s basically getting everything into place, so that he can work up the courage to leave you.
Naturally, he only thinks about himself in all of this and not the impact it might have on you.
6) He’s simply selfish
Some men are simply selfish human beings. Let’s face it, some women can be as well.
They want what they want and they go after it. They’re not worried about who they hurt or step on along the way. He’s doesn’t necessarily have cheating on his mind.
But as soon as he sees a woman he’s interested in, he can’t help himself.
So, he goes for it, not caring about the hurt and pain that will be caused as a result of his actions.
7) Acts on impulse
Some men don’t ever dream of cheating.
They’re happily married and the thought hasn’t even crossed their mind. That is, until the situation presents itself in front of them and they find themselves unable to say no.
Whether they fill so attracted to this woman that they can’t pass her up. Or perhaps so flattered by the attention she is giving him.
In this situation, he’s letting his desire for sex lead the way, rather than his emotions. It’s a male ego thing — and it can be destructive to a marriage.
8) He’s after attention
Some men are under the impression their wives should offer them undivided attention to meet their needs.
Whether it’s their needs in or out of the bedroom, for some men, their expectations are extremely high in terms of what they’re hoping to get out of the marriage.
Of course, kids come along, and life can get in the way, leaving them feeling unfulfilled and like they’re not receiving the attention they were first promised at the beginning of the relationship.
So, he goes out in search of it. He finds a woman who will give him the attention he feels he deserves.
9) For revenge
Perhaps you’ve already cheated on him. Or maybe he’s angry with a friend and wants to get back at him through his partner.
Men are known to act in anger, even if they know it’s not the right thing to be doing.
Once again, they let their ego lead the way, which can result in decisions they didn’t mean to make.
10) The wrong mates
For some men it’s a simple mistake.
A big mistake.
One with huge consequences.
But a mistake.
They might find themselves being peer pressured by their friends and go ahead with it to impress. In this instance, he’s clearly in the wrong group of friends.
Being married, you should have a good idea of who he hangs around with and whether or not they might act in this way.
Peer pressure doesn’t just go away when you get older, it comes out in different ways.
How to ensure your man remains faithful
The truth is, most men don’t cheat for one simple reason.
While the suggestions above are examples of the type of men who are more likely to cheat, it’s not something that is black and white.
Which might lead you to wondering how you can ensure your man remains faithful to you?
1) Make your intentions clear
As we mentioned above, some men have no concept of how their actions affect your relationship. It helps to lay out the boundaries from day one.
You might think it’s obvious that you’re in a monogamous relationship and other partners is off the table, you should never assume anything when you’re in a relationship. It’s a discussion that is worth bringing up right at the beginning.
Bring up your relationship and get him to acknowledge your expectations: it’s a monogamous relationship.
Don’t be afraid to put it all on the table — just be sure you’re not accusing him of something he hasn’t done (yet).
Word it in a way that makes him feel comfortable about your relationship and your expectations. It’s worth mentioning just how much infidelity will hurt you and that there will be no coming back from it for your relationship.
2) Treat him like he’s an integral part of your life
The truth is, men want to feel like they’re needed. They want to feel valued, and like they add value to your life. When these needs are met, they’re much less likely to cheat.
I learned about this from a revolutionary concept called the hero instinct. Coined by relationship expert James Bauer, it’s all about tapping into innate drivers that all men have.
These drivers are hardwired in men’s DNA, and if left untriggered, they fail to find satisfaction in their relationships — no matter how much they love you.
And this could lead them to look elsewhere.
So if you want to avoid this for good, it’s worth checking out this free video which explains more about the concept and how you can apply it to your relationship.
Now, you may be wondering why it’s called “the hero instinct”. Do guys really need to feel like superheroes to be satisfied in relationships?
No. It has nothing to do with Marvel Studios. There’s no need to play the damsel in distress to keep your man’s commitment.
What the hero instinct reveals is that when men have these simple drivers triggered, a switch flips. Their doubts and fears of commitment dissolve. They love deeper. They’re committed like never before.
And the best part?
It comes at no cost or sacrifice to you. All you need to do is make small changes to how you treat him, awaken his inner hero, and see how he has eyes for you and only you.
And the way to do this is by checking out James Bauer’s free video here. He shares some easy tips to get you started, such as sending him the exact text messages needed to trigger this natural desire within him.
That’s the beauty of the concept — it’s only a matter of knowing the right things to say to your partner to make well and truly yours.
So if you want to make sure there’s no chance of him straying away, you should check out Bauer’s genuine and simple advice. It could be what’s needed to save your relationship before it’s too late.
Here’s a link to the excellent video again.
3) Don’t sweep problems under the rug
It’s all too easy to notice holes in our marriage and to pay no attention to them. We hope that if we turn a blind eye to them, they’ll just disappear.
These holes tend to fester and wear away at the relationship, which is what can cause someone to stray from the relationship.
If you notice problems, try and address them. If that doesn’t work, then it’s time to think about couple’s counselling.
Many people tend to think counselling isn’t for them. They don’t need it.
Yet counselling can be so beneficial at helping you work through problems and getting your relationship back on track. It’s certainly worth giving it a go.
4) Make time for each other
Life can get busy.
At the beginning of a marriage, you have each other to yourselves. You spend so much time getting to know each other and falling head over heels. You want to spend every waking moment with them.
As life goes on, other things get in the way.
Kids often enter the picture, work can get busy, and you find yourselves spending less and less time together. The connection can get lost when this happens.
Set aside an hour each week for the two of you. You can plan a date night if you have a babysitter for the kids — or simply sit at home for it.
All you need is all distractions out of the picture.
Turn off the TV. Put away your mobile phones. Give each other your undivided attention.
It’s a chance to check in with each other each week, discuss the big and small issues, and help your marriage stay on track.
Being open and keeping the lines of communication open is the best way forward in a committed relationship.
5) Recognise your love languages
One reason relationships can end up off track is because you stop speaking each other’s language.
As a result, one person ends up feeling like their needs aren’t being met, which can lead them to seek it from someone else.
The five love languages from Gary Chapman show how you each experience love — and it’s generally not the same way.
It could be: words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, or physical touch.
By knowing each other’s love language, you can make sure you show your love in the right way to them — a way that they will recognise and appreciate.
Sometimes we think we are showing how much we love and care for them, but we show them in a way that means something to us, not to them. By switching it over and focusing on what they need and want, you can speak volumes to each other.
If he appreciates quality time together and you buy him gifts to show you’re love, then his love needs aren’t being met in the right way.
Working this out can be as simple as sitting down and talking to each other or watching his actions. If he gives you gifts, it’s often because that’s what he values.
6) Have a life outside of the relationship
A good relationship shouldn’t be everything in your lives. For you or for him.
You both need to have your own friends or hobbies outside the relationship they you can enjoy on your own together.
If you live your lives dependant on each other for everything, then there’s no room to breathe in the relationship at all.
By allowing each other to go out and live a life on their own, you then come back to each other with more love and appreciation than before. It’s an essential part to any relationship.
7) Understand the psychology behind why men pull away
If you feel like you’ve tried everything and your man is still pulling away, it’s probably because his fears of commitment are so deep-rooted in his subconscious, even he’s not aware of them.
And unfortunately, unless you can get inside his mind and understand how the male psyche works, nothing you do will make him see you as “the one”.
That’s where we come in.
We’ve created the ultimate free quiz based on Sigmund Freud’s revolutionary theories, so you can finally understand what’s holding your man back.
No more trying to be the perfect woman. No more nights wondering how to repair the relationship.
With just a few questions, you’ll know exactly why he’s pulling away, and most importantly, what you can do to avoid losing him for good.
Can a man be faithful?
Yes, a man definitely can be faithful to you. And there’s no excuse for infidelity.
If a man does cheat on you, he may have his reasons for doing so but these reasons don’t excuse him at all. A man cheating on you is never your fault — no matter what they say.
He could have come to you, you could have spoken openly about your issues, you could have worked through it.
Cheating is a sign that he chose not to do that and that’s on him.
Following these steps you can help keep your relationship on track so no-one feels the need to be unfaithful. It’s not always easy but it is always worth it.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
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