Hi Felicity! I would love to hear what you have to say about this. My husband and I have been married for 26 years and have two children. We raised a 23 year old daughter, she is now gone from our home, and our son is 15. We have a good marriage and a good sex life as well, but at times the spark goes up and down. After 26 years of marriage how do you with a good marriage keep the spark present sexually and moving forward in life? Thanks for your time! — Sally, Hack Spirit reader.
First of all, congratulations on such a long marriage! Twenty six years together is impressive.
As you mentioned, it is totally normal that your sex life will experience some ups and downs.
Each of us deal with fluctuations in hormones and other biological processes that have an effect on our libidos as we age. Also, after so much time together, it’s normal to develop some routines and automatically know our partner’s preferences.
These routines can end up making sex together somewhat predictable…
And predictability can definitely dim the spark.
My best advice is to purposely switch things up. Adding in something different can charge up the amount of dopamine that both of your brains will release giving that extra ZING.
When sex becomes routine, our brains don’t fire off as much of the pleasure chemical. And that leaves us feeling less inspired about sex. But it’s quite easy to remedy the situation by adding in some unexpected twists to the regular sexual plot line.
You can do a simple thing like try a different room or time of day. Go ahead and get busy in the kitchen. Or surprise him in the shower one morning for a before-work quickie. Just changing the room to someplace other than your bedroom or doing it in the morning vs. at night is an easy way to give you both a sexual charge.
Another idea to try is getting into a “character” to do some role playing (even don a wig or some type of costume for maximum effect). The illicit thrill of making love to someone new is taboo but this is a completely safe way to pretend…
Maybe you arrange to meet up with your husband at a new restaurant or a place slightly out of town (you wouldn’t want to run into the neighbors!). And when you arrive, he might not recognize you with a wig and glasses on. You can then proceed to seduce him over the meal and invite him over for a “nightcap”.
Ooh la la, you naughty vixen!
I admit, some of this may sound silly but all of these ideas are simple ways to break out of your normal patterns. You’ll be surprised at how much a little surprise and novelty will bring that spark rarin’ back at full force.
My recent program, The Language of Desire, has a lot of in-depth material about how brain chemistry works in our sex lives.
I’ve included step-by-step instructions on over thirty different techniques guaranteed to amp up the spice and spark in your sex life. And the women who have read it are giving raving reviews (I’m sure their men are too *wink*).
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.