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Breaking up with an alpha female: 12 things you need to know

Emma Watson. Marie Curie. Kamala Harris. Oprah.

All examples of an alpha female. They’re extremely motivated in everything they do. Their competitiveness is one of their most striking qualities.

People find them intimidating too. But the alpha female is also understanding in nature. She stands up for those who need it. Just like how Jules was from The Intern.

Are you currently dating an Emma Watson? And are you at the edge of breaking up with her?

Of course, it’s not about their personality, the relationship just doesn’t feel right anymore. And we hear you.

In this article, we will give you a few tips which will help you in the breakup process.

1) She’ll move on easily

Breakups are tough on everyone. And thinking about breaking up with someone is even tougher. You’ve grown with her and you spend every day with her in mind. Thinking about the sadness that she will feel may seem heavy on your shoulders.

But we’re here to tell you that things will be okay. She will definitely be sad about the breakup but in the end, everything will be alright.

The alpha female is headstrong and that makes her resilient even in breakups. The sadness is part of it, of course.

She will allow herself to feel the heartbreak but she’ll be able to find happiness again. She’s in tune with her emotions so this won’t be a problem for her at all.

2) She’ll handle the breakup well

She knew that the breakup was a possibility.

When you’re breaking up with her, she won’t lash out. In fact, she probably saw this coming already.

♪ You gave me a two-week notice, even if you didn’t say it explicitly. ♪

The alpha female notices the subtle changes, so your actions most likely spoke to her.

As you’re breaking up with her, she’ll do her best to take the high road and not drag you down.

She will be open to your opinions about your relationship with her. She will hear you out while giving her own insights as well. Deep down, she knows that you had a good run and everything’s alright.

The breakup will feel like a mutual choice. Remember how Vanya and Sissy broke up in Umbrella Academy? It’s just like that. The break-up will be filled with love, maturity, and understanding.

No bridges will be burned.

3) She will listen to you

The alpha female listens attentively.

She won’t invalidate your feelings. But in order to achieve a safe space, be sure to be open with her instead of keeping things in. Through this, you will get closure.

When you’re breaking up with her, don’t be weirded out if she starts repeating the words you’re saying. This is called empathic listening. In psychology, empathic listening is the practice of being attentive and responsive to others’ input during the conversation.

The goal is to make you feel heard and understood. She’s only trying to make sure that you have her full attention and that you can say anything on your mind. It’s also a way to make a heartfelt connection and response.

With her listening closely to what you’re saying, you won’t feel judged at all.

4) She’s also vulnerable

Despite being aggressive at times, an alpha female can still feel vulnerable during breakups. She cherishes you and her time with you so make sure to not be too cold.

When you’re breaking up with her, think about all your previous breakups and how you wanted things to happen. Think about your ideal breakup and try to put it into action.

Remember when your ex broke up with you through text and how awful you felt after? Do better than that.

Don’t redo what you did in high school either by breaking up with your ex and leaving her in the cafeteria. She deserves so much more than to be walked out on.

Because an alpha female would love to talk things out with you her goal is to really understand where you’re coming from.

Think about her feelings too! Think about how much happiness she gave you and how she deserves a healthy breakup.

5) She knows when to walk away

Once you break up with an alpha female, that’s the end of everything. She won’t come begging for your love at 3 AM in the morning. So your decision to break up with her should be final.

♪ Maybe I pulled the panic cord. Maybe you were happy, I was bored. ♪

No, don’t do that. Don’t come out suddenly saying that you pulled the panic cord. And that you want her back.

This isn’t the movie Always Be My Maybe where she’s waiting for you to reunite with her. She knows her worth so she won’t be waiting around for you to come back. She will hold her head high and won’t let your breakup be the end of all things for her.

She knows that for someone out there, she’s enough. But most importantly, she knows in her heart that she’s enough.

She’s basically Elle Woods from Legally Blonde. She won’t spend her days heartbroken over you. She’ll live out her dreams with or without you. What, like it’s hard?

7) She’ll take care of herself

She’ll be hurt by the breakup but she already knows which self-care tips work for her. She won’t be too hung up on the break-up. Don’t expect her to be locked up in her room, not talking to anyone, eating her feelings, and crying over what could have been.

Instead, she’ll focus the energy for you on something more productive.

You know the movie “Eat Pray Love”? She’ll do exactly what Elizabeth did, she’ll find ways to love herself in a deeper sense.

She’ll do everything that she loves doing until she feels better again. She’ll go back to painting because that always makes her feel better. She might even learn a new hobby in the process.

She’ll stay on her path towards growth and won’t let you or your breakup hinder herself from doing her best. Maybe she’ll pull a Rupi Kaur and use her heartbreak to write poetry!

This is called sublimation. It’s when you channel your emotions into something more productive.

7) She won’t play games

An alpha female won’t try to play games with you. There won’t be any hot and cold behavior post-breakup.

She won’t send you mixed signals hidden behind her Instagram captions. If you see something that feels like a clap back, it’s not for you. If you see her post your song on her story, it doesn’t mean anything.

Your relationship ended, there’s no reason for her to take time to send you mixed signals that you won’t understand or feel anything towards.

When you broke up with her, she detached all her feelings from you. But on the occasion that she does want you back, she’ll tell you outright.

8) She won’t play the victim

She won’t lash out when you try to break up with her. She won’t make the tables turn against you. The alpha female is above that kind of behavior. She’ll understand what you’re going through and you can go your separate ways.

She won’t act like a damsel in distress, waiting for you to tend to her. She won’t need your help to move on.

She won’t talk negatively about you to her friends. Instead, when she does speak of you, she’ll talk about the good things.

Bad things might have happened but she’ll keep that to herself and won’t even think about it.

She knows that the relationship had to end for a reason. It’ll be just like the ending of La La Land. She’ll imagine how your life together could’ve been but understand that the breakup was how things were meant to be.

9) She won’t seek revenge

She won’t ruin your life post-breakup. She won’t spill gossip about who you are or tell everyone about the life-long secrets you told her.

She won’t toilet paper your car, pray for the worst for you, or anything along those lines.

She won’t move to the middle of nowhere just to be closer to you and create this crazy fantasy of getting back together with you or making you fall for her all over again. Her life goal isn’t to be the lead for Crazy Ex-Girlfriend.

There will be no lingering feelings for you that will make her do things that she’ll regret. She will wish you the best because that’s the kind of person she is.

She’s the kind of person that rises above her negative feelings and transforms them into something more favorable.

10) She won’t get jealous

When you find someone else, don’t expect her to stalk your new girlfriend. She won’t even care because she knows that it’s not worth her time to look at your new life with your new girlfriend. That’s not how she is.

She won’t try to get your attention when you have someone else already.

She knows what she deserves. She won’t keep showing off on social media expecting you to comment. She won’t try to sabotage your new relationship just to get your attention.

She probably doesn’t even have time to notice that you have someone else. She’s too busy working on her passions. Or maybe she already has someone else that makes her happy.

11) She’ll still be your friend

Alexa plays Friends by NIKI.

You’ll stop talking to each other for a while after the breakup. And then one day, at a party with some mutual friends, you’ll patch things up.

That’s the good thing about healthy breakups, you can learn to be with each other platonically again. At first, there will be awkward glances exchanged between the both of you but in time, it will feel like how it used to be when you were just friends.

When you were together, you were each other’s best friends. And an alpha female never breaks ties with people she has a strong connection with. She knows how important it is to keep someone like you in her life. It’s not going to be easy at first, but you’ll get there.

At the party, you’ll play beer pong together and she’ll start teasing you. It’s not like her to be awkward around you. It’ll just be like how you were before you got together. Messing around, like how friends do. You’ll talk about what’s going on with your lives now, then it will feel like nothing has changed.

She’ll be open to being just friends with you. She won’t make you feel excluded especially if you have almost the same set of friends. Because if you’re a part of her pack, she’ll look out for you.

12) She’s not the one

She’s not your happily ever after. If she was, you would know. It’s time for you to let her go. Move on from this great love.

She’s not the one, maybe she’s just your first healthy relationship.

You’re the one breaking up with her but you feel bad? That’s cognitive dissonance. It’s when your behavior doesn’t align with your beliefs or what you feel.

Psychologists describe it as a mental conflict. It’s not a sign that you should stay with her.

You may be thinking of what if’s and we’re here to tell you that that’s not the universe speaking to you. You just don’t want to be the cause of her pain.

But that’s just how breakups work. There’s this nostalgia that’s tied up with your emotions. It’s making you think that she’s the one. But in truth, the one won’t make you second guess your emotions.

And for what it’s worth, she knows that she’s not the one either.

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Written by Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 15 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Facebook or Twitter.

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