Marcel Deer
We all seem to think we know if someone is attracted to us or not.
Some of us have a little checklist (Did she play with her hair? Does he swagger?) of signs we think demonstrate attraction. Others just have an overall feeling.
But just how accurate are our assumptions?
Well, if we were always right, we would almost never end up getting shot down by approaching people whose signals we’ve misread. The fact that this happens often is proof that there’s a lot more we need to learn about the signs of attraction.
So why not turn to psychology?
Professionals in human behavior have been studying attraction and its related behavior for decades. By now, they have some hard data and clear observations that we can learn a whole lot from.
So, let’s look at seven body language signs of someone deeply attracted to you, according to psychologists, to see how our feelings line up with reality.
1) They touch and self-touch.
I know that’s a funny-sounding term, but if I wrote that they touch themselves when you’re around, I’d get even more flack for it.
Oops, I just did!
When you want to figure out from a person’s body language whether they’re deeply attracted to you or not, the Journal of Nonverbal Behavior (yes, there really is one!) is a great place to start.
One 2015 study looked at the ways in which different people flirted with people they were attracted to. The purpose of the study was to define flirting styles, which the authors called “physical, traditional, sincere, polite, and playful”.
They also found that people with different flirting styles behaved quite differently when interacting with people they were attracted to.
However, a few things were similar across all styles.
One is that they touched the other person frequently, and the other is that they touched themselves often, too. Self-touch can include playing with one’s own hair or touching one’s face or body.
These touchy cues add up to something concrete – people get more handsy when they’re attracted to you, whether those hands reach out to touch you or simply touch their own body.
This can be a clear sign to look for when you’re assessing someone’s attraction to you.
2) They’ll mirror you.
Mirroring is something that most of us do unconsciously.
When we talk to people, and we feel as though we like them, we tend to mirror them. This means that we adopt a lot of the same postures, gestures, and positions that they use.
This can include things like leaning back in your seat, crossing arms or legs, stretching, or even patterns of eye contact and looking away.
If you want to see this in action, have a look at pairs of people sitting in the park and talking to each other. You’ll often find that they’re sitting the same way as each other and performing the same gestures.
They might not actually be mirror images of each other, with one person crossing their left leg over their right and the other crossing right over left. But if they both have their legs crossed, we still call that mirroring.
It turns out that there are actually mirror neurons in the brain that get activated when we watch other people’s actions. These help us observe and be able to reproduce what they do.
They even help us predict intention, and the more into another person we are, the more they seem to be activated.
The problem is that it’s quite hard to notice mirroring when you’re having a one-on-one conversation with someone. If you’re doing the same things, are they mirroring you, or are you mirroring them?
But a friend can help. Ask a buddy to observe you and see if the person you think is attracted to you is mirroring your movements. If they are, you’re probably on the right track.
3) They might act a bit crazy.
We all know about being crazy in love, thanks to both Beyoncé and our personal experiences.
Research shows us that this is actually a real thing, and it’s mostly due to our hormones. We have a whole mishmash of gonadal hormones and neurotransmitters that change and affect different aspects of our behavior when we’re seriously attracted to someone.
The result can be some pretty different, erratic, and even unpredictable behavior.
Men show higher levels of testosterone, especially when they’re very sexually attracted. Testosterone may cause men to become more aggressive. It can also cause men to have anxiety and stress. They may even have obsessive thoughts.
On top of this, increased testosterone interferes with serotonin release. This can make it harder for men to regulate their sleep and their moods.
Women are affected by both testosterone and estrogen. These hormones can affect their attention, memory, and emotional regulation.
So if someone starts acting very different the more they spend time with you, and not always in a good way, it could be that they’re very attracted to you and this is causing their hormones to go a bit haywire!
4) They’ll gravitate toward the same things.
If you’re wondering if a person is really interested in you, they might show their hand by being into all the same things as you are.
Studies have shown that people are more likely to be attracted to others who they share a lot in common with, including attitudes and interests.
If your person of interest is doing more than just mirroring you but is actively gravitating to the same thing as you, it’s a good sign.
They could reach for the same item off a shelf as you or like to exercise in the same way.
These similarities in their interests and actions can tip you off that they’re deeply attracted.
5) They’ll be more positive.
Some very interesting 2018 research was composed of a meta-analysis of 54 attraction and behavior studies from around the world.
The researchers came up with a few very important observations of what people everywhere seem to show when they’re attracted. And one of those is positivity.
This makes sense because attraction is a generally positive experience, and you’d expect it to make people feel and behave more positively. Well, they do.
How is positivity expressed by people’s actions?
Positive body language is more open and friendly. So people will lean toward people they like and use fewer blocking or defensive postures like crossing their arms or covering their mouths.
They’ll also smile a lot, laugh, and seem happier.
So the question is, how do you know if you’re the cause of their positivity?
You can compare how they act when they talk to you with how they interact with other people. Or you could again ask a friend to observe them before, during, and after they mingle with you.
If you see a big leap in positivity, it’s likely their attraction to you is the cause.
6) They’ll get close to you.
That same 2018 study also found that people get closer to those they’re attracted to.
This is probably why we call it “attraction.” To them, you’re like a supermagnet pulling them into your orbit. This is another body language clue – they put their whole body in and may even shake it all about.
Or maybe not.
But they’ll definitely try to move closer to you in social situations. They’ll try to sit next to or near you at a meal or move to your side of the room when you’re at a party.
That’s the power of attraction.
7) They’ll ignore others.
Some very interesting research on attention and attraction tested how people behave toward others when they’re attracted to someone or in a relationship with them.
Psychologists showed pictures of objectively attractive people of the preferred sex to participants and measured how long they spent looking at the pictures.
It turns out that participants who already had their eyes set on someone else spent less time looking at the pictures. It’s as though they were focused on someone they were already attracted to, and that made them far less interested in others.
This is what many of us hope for – someone who only has eyes for us!
If you’re wondering if a person is deeply attracted to you, you’ll find that they pay way more attention to you than to other people, no matter how beautiful they might be.
They’ll talk to, look at, and otherwise interact with you way more than with others.
The body speaks
Sometimes, the body can’t hide what a person feels inside, no matter how hard they try.
These seven body language signs of someone deeply attracted to you, according to psychologists, can be great clues to let you know a person’s true feelings.
One or two of these might give you an inkling. But if they show lots of these signs, or even all of them, they’re way into you, and there’s no denying it!
