Tina Fey
Manipulation is terrible for two reasons.
First, it serves to use people as a means to an end and relies on dishonesty to achieve that goal.
Second, it can be pretty damn difficult to recognize.
Especially if you’re dealing with a master manipulator.
You know what, though? Even excellent manipulators make mistakes, which is why it’s very important that you remain on guard and watch out for certain body language cues that may help you figure out who it is you’re truly dealing with here.
Here are 7 of them.
1) Their eye contact is off
There’s plenty of advice online about how to detect a lie, from trying to see if the person in question looks to the left too much to noticing that they’re avoiding eye contact altogether.
Surprisingly, none of those are actually true.
In fact, Ronald E. Riggio Ph.D., the Henry R. Kravis Professor of Leadership and Organizational Psychology and former Director of the Kravis Leadership Institute at Claremont McKenna College, says that someone who’s lying may actually “overdo” eye contact in order to appear more truthful.
He writes, “Everyone assumes that a liar won’t look you in the eye, but research on the nonverbal cues associated with deception suggests that a liar engages in more eye contact than a truth-teller.”
So, our first lesson is to attempt to recognize whether the person’s eye contact feels natural or if they seem to try a bit too hard to look you straight in the eye.
2) Their facial expressions don’t seem genuine
According to the Paul Ekman Group (a group that specializes in science-based resources and tools for understanding facial expressions), “When lying, the face often contains two messages – what the liar wants to show and what the liar wants to conceal.”
“Often, these hidden emotions leak in the form of a micro expression, a brief (half a second or less) involuntary facial expression revealing true emotion.”
Take smiling, for example. A genuine smile isn’t just about a widening of the lips – it naturally reaches the eyes and creates wrinkles at the sides that are commonly referred to as crow’s feet.
If someone’s trying to manipulate you by playing nice, they may smile a lot, but the smile won’t actually reach their eyes.
As further explained by the Paul Ekman Group:
“The absence of movement in the outer part of the muscle that orbits the eye (orbicularis oculi pars lateralis, in Latin or AU 6 in FACS terms) distinguishes a fabricated smile from the genuine thing.
“This difference is sometimes difficult to recognize, and most of the time we are easily fooled by broad smiles that are fabrication, which might also explain why it is such a common emotional mask.”
3) Their nervous movements give them away
People who lie tend to be at least a tiny bit nervous. No matter how good of a liar they are, there will always be that small seed of doubt.
What if they’re found out? What if they get their facts and lies mixed up? What if the mask falls off? What then?
If you’re dealing with a master manipulator, they may be exceptionally good at covering up their anxieties (they might even go so far as to lie to themselves and truly incorporate the persona they’re putting on).
But a few small gestures are enough to give them away, from tapping their feet to rubbing their neck, pinching the bridge of their nose, rambling way too quickly, or laughing too boisterously.
4) Their words and nonverbal cues are in misalignment
Speaking of gestures, another body language cue to watch out for is inconsistency.
If someone’s subtly shaking their head yes while they’re saying no, it’s safe to say they aren’t completely certain that their “no” is actually true.
The same applies to a person’s stance.
If someone’s talking about how confident they are with their arms and legs crossed, there’s a high chance they’re lying – their closed-off body language tells you everything you need to know.
Truthful people tend to display signs of consistent and aligned communication on a verbal and nonverbal level because they have nothing to hide and therefore show up as their authentic selves.
5) They invade your personal space
The next cue to be on the lookout for is one that has everything to do with proximity.
You know those people who just get too close to you? People who seem to invade your comfort zone so much that you need to take a few steps back?
Yeah. Those.
Well, there’s a chance they may just be a bit socially clumsy, but it’s also possible that they’re trying to manipulate you and unknowingly “lay it on too thick” as it were.
The reason they stand so close to you is that their bodies display their hidden desire to push you into something you don’t particularly fancy doing.
6) They unwittingly cover their mouth or eyes
Another small gesture that can tell you a lot about a master manipulator is one that serves to hide the truth.
That is to say, a person who’s lying might unknowingly cover their mouth or even their eyes (for example by rubbing them) because they subconsciously want to hide and keep the truth from escaping out.
As Vi-An Nguyen writes for Parade:
“A deceptive person will often hide her mouth or eyes when she’s being untruthful. There is a natural tendency to want to cover over a lie, so if a person’s hand goes in front of her mouth while she’s responding to a question, that’s significant.
“Similarly, there’s a natural inclination to shield oneself from the reaction of those who are being lied to. If a person shields her eyes while she’s responding to a question, what she might well be indicating, on a subconscious level, is that she can’t bear to see the reaction to the whopper she’s telling.”
7) You can feel that something’s just… off
Finally, listen to your gut instinct.
It may sound strange, but oftentimes, your gut knows what’s up.
This is due to the fact that the digestive system is connected to the brain via the vagus nerve, and when you’re in dangerous or uncomfortable situations, your subconscious mind reacts to it based on your prior experiences, alerting you in advance and sending signals to your gut.
And ta-da!
Just like that, intuition is born.
So, on a final note…
If you’re getting weird vibes from someone or just feel deep within you that something’s not right, listen to your intuition.
The person in question may be trying to manipulate or deceive you.
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