15 signs your boyfriend is a beta male (and why that’s a great thing)

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These days, it’s all about the alpha male.

Hollywood blockbusters, bestselling novels, and hit TV shows all rub it in our faces: the leading man must be confident, tall, muscular, a badass, have a great sense of humor, and outspoken in every way.

Who wants to be the forgotten nice guy when you can be the next Tony Stark or Thor?

These are the alpha males, and like every hierarchy, the top dog has a second place behind him; in this case, the beta males.

Beta males are the type of guys who are more commonly associated with being your friend—quirky, lovable, reliable, and kind, but never one to steal the spotlight from the alpha male.

But a beta male might be the best kind of guy you can date if you’re looking to get a boyfriend. Here are characteristics of a beta male, and why dating them is actually great.

1) He Cares About What You Want In Bed

An alpha male has all the confidence of a roaring dinosaur.

He’ll throw you onto his bed, ravage you and have his way with you, and give you the best night of your life. Or so he thinks.

More often than not, the confidence of an alpha male is his greatest problem in bed—he thinks he knows everything so he doesn’t even care to ask.

But every woman is different, and every set of needs is unique.

A beta male is careful and slow enough to ask—what pleases you and what makes you happy? And that’s what makes them so much better.

2) It’s Not All About Sex

An alpha male might give you the best or roughest night of your life, but life is so much more than just sex.

How do you know he has the qualities to stick around for a nice brunch the next day, or give you a great conversation while you’re going about your daily routine?

A beta male, on the other hand, loves all the other stuff as well: watching movies, cuddling, and just spending time with you.

3) He Protects You

A surefire sign that your boyfriend is a beta male is that he protects you from the little and big things in life.

Does he make sure you’re safe when you cross a busy road? Or does he put his arm around you when you’re feeling vulnerable?

Then chances are he’s a beta rather than an alpha male. And this is a good thing.

I think protective instincts are especially evident in beta males. While beta males aren’t always comfortable taking center stage, they won’t shrink away from protecting you with you with their actions.

There’s a fascinating new concept in relationship psychology doing the rounds which explains why all men are so protective of women.

It’s called the hero instinct. And beta males as much as anyone want to feel like a hero.

The simple truth is that men have a biological urge to provide for and protect women. It’s hardwired into them.

I know it sounds kind of silly. In this day and age, women don’t need someone to rescue them. They don’t need a ‘hero’ in their lives.

But here’s the ironic truth. Beta males do still need to feel like a hero. Because it’s built into their DNA to seek out relationships that allow them to be a protector.

The hero instinct is a legitimate concept in relationship psychology that I personally believe has a lot of truth to it.

And there’s an art to making a man feel like a hero. There are phrases you can say, texts you can send, and little requests you can use to trigger his hero instinct.

To learn more about them, check out this free online video by James Bauer. He’s the relationship psychologist who first discovered the hero instinct.

Some ideas really are life-changing. And for romantic relationships, I think the hero instinct is one of them.

Here’s a link to the video again.

3) He’s Got Interests in Things Other Than Himself

While an alpha male will have spent their whole lives being complimented for their charm, good looks, and charisma, a beta male spends his life establishing a foundation of interesting hobbies and creative activities.

It might be music, cooking, writing, or something entirely unique. One way or another, a beta male always has something else up his sleeve, and that’s what keeps things interesting after the first date.

4) He’s Reliable as Hell

Need someone to cover for you? Got something that needs to be picked up in the city, forgot something important at home, or just need a shoulder to cry on for whatever reason?

The beta male will be there, especially if he really cares about you. This is because of the beta male; you’re more than just a woman he has sex with; you’re someone he truly wants to be with.

5) He Doesn’t Take the Little Things for Granted

Attention to detail isn’t a trait that many alpha males are known for. These are “big picture” kinds of guys because they don’t have the time to obsess over the little things.

But the beta males are emotionally in tune enough to know when you’ve gone the extra mile to make something extra perfect.

Those little notes you’ve put in his lunch, the reminders you’ve set on his phone, the tiny gifts you send to his office? Those are all appreciated, and guess what? You’ll get them in return.

6) He Isn’t Afraid of Commitment

How many times have you rolled your eyes at the trope of a big, strong man running away from a serious relationship?

It’s not just a joke; a lot of men are terrified at the idea of being tied down.

But a beta male isn’t. They enjoy the idea of finding “the one” and starting up a life with her.

Why? Because they value the moments, they spend with you, and the earlier they find “the one”, the sooner they can begin collecting those moments.

Even though beta males are less afraid of commitment, it can still be an issue. They are men, after all.

I learned this from relationship guru Michael Fiore. He’s one of the world’s leading experts on male psychology and what men want from relationships.

Watch this excellent free video to learn about Michael’s life-changing solution for dealing with beta men who won’t open up to you.

Michael Fiore reveals what you need to do to make your man commit to a passionate relationship. His techniques work surprisingly well on even the most commitment-phobic men.

If you want science-based techniques to make a beta male fall in love with you and STAY in love with you, check out this free video here.

7) Communication Will Always Be Open

A beta male is more in touch with his feelings. He knows the importance of clearing things up, because he’s been through the kind of emotional turmoil that only comes about in times of emotional uncertainty.

While an alpha male might not always be willing to lend an ear, a beta male will always have a door open, ready to listen.

8) He Will Never Forget Your Birthday

This is what we’re talking about when we say that a beta male cares about the little things.

No matter how many times you might say “My birthday isn’t important” or “You don’t have to do anything for my birthday!”, a beta male will take the opportunity to surprise and please you on your birthday, and on every other special occasion, you might have.

Why? Because they care, and more importantly, they want you to know that.

9) He Doesn’t Need to Go Out Every Weekend

Alpha males are usually the most extroverted people you will find. On top of that, they’re also attention hogs, whether they’ll admit it or not.

They get their energy from being around people, and they love to exercise every chance to make their weekends count.

Parties and clubbing will become a part of your regular routine when you date an alpha male.

But a beta male doesn’t care about all that. He’s secure enough in his own skin to know that he doesn’t need the kind of attention an alpha male craves.

So a beta male loves a chance to stay at home and do something calm and peaceful. Want to have a quiet night on the couch watching Netflix?

10) He Helps Others for Reasons Other Than Himself

The problem with alpha males, even the most altruistic ones, is that you can tell that a part of their charity comes from a need for affirmation and attention.

They just need to be loved, and they help others simply so they can feel that need fulfilled.

But a beta male doesn’t care.

When they help others, it’s truly for altruistic purposes.

Every time they do something for another person—whether its volunteering at a shelter or helping an old lady cross the street—you know it’s because their heart is in the right place.

They don’t need to post it on Instagram or Twitter and farm a thousand likes every time they save a kitten from a tree. They just like saving kittens, and that’s the best kind of kindness.

11) You Can Be Vulnerable With Them and Trust Them

If you’re going to be happy in a relationship, then you need to be able to reveal your true self.

A beta male is emotionally available and ready to listen, so you’ll feel comfortable sharing your vulnerabilities.

A beta male understands that none of us are perfect, and that it’s our imperfections that actually make us beautiful.

In other words, a beta male ignores superficialities like “looks” or “material possessions” and they’ll love you for who you truly are.

12) They Are Secure in Themselves

A beta male knows who they are and won’t spend time wishing they were someone else.

While an alpha male is always trying to prove himself  by one-upping his closest competitor, a beta male plays a different game with an air of quiet confidence.

He’s secure with himself and won’t try to hide his insecurities. He knows that there’s no point in competing with others as we’re all unique.

He’s the friend that everyone likes to have because he won’t try to one-up you. He’ll be himself and accept you for who you are.

13) He Respects You

A beta male doesn’t think he is better than other people and treats everyone with a sense of respect.

While an alpha male will treat the waiter as a nuisance, a beta male will understand that they’re a person just like him. He wouldn’t do anything to to them that he wouldn’t want done to himself. It’s one of his golden rules.

This is why he will treat you with so much respect and love, because that’s the way that he wants to be treated.

14) He Doesn’t Need to Control

Beta males don’t engage in power struggles. They’ll see you as their equal and will treat you accordingly.

However, if you try to control them, they won’t have it and they’ll likely walk away.

In a relationship, they just want you to be yourself. There’s no need for competition, manipulation or toxic energy.

They want the relationship to be positive so that it adds to your life and theirs.

After all, there’s no point being in a relationship if it’s not improving your life.

15) He’ll Make an Excellent Father

He is an excellent role model for young boys.

He lives with integrity and nobility and expects his children to live up to the same values.

So if you’re looking for a father you can rely on, look no further than beta male.

He respects everyone and aims to make sure that whoever he talks leaves the conversation in a better mood.

Reliable and respectful, these are the exact traits that are needed most in a quality father.

What do beta men really want?

Common wisdom says that men (both alpha and beta) only fall for exceptional women.

That we love someone for who she is. Maybe this woman has a captivating personality or she’s a firecracker in bed…

As a man I can tell you that this way of thinking is dead wrong.

None of those things actually matter when it comes to men falling for a woman. In fact, it’s not the attributes of the woman that matter at all.

The truth is this:

A man falls for a woman because of how she makes him feel about himself.

This is because a romantic relationship satisfies a man’s craving for companionship to the extent that it fits with his identity…the type of man he wants to be.

How do you make your guy feel about himself? Is the relationship giving him a sense of meaning and purpose in his life?

Beta men are especially goal orientated. They may not be the life of the party, but they know what they want in life.

As I mentioned above, the one thing beta men crave more than anything else in a relationship is to see himself as a hero. Not an action hero like Thor, but a hero to you. As someone who provides you something no other man can.

He wants to be there for you, protect you, and to be appreciated for his efforts.

There’s a biological basis to all this. Relationship expert James Bauer calls it the hero instinct. Watch James’ free video here.

In this video, James Bauer reveals the exact phrases you can say, texts you can send, and little requests you can make to trigger his hero instinct.

By triggering this instinct, you’ll immediately force him to see you in a whole new light. Because you’ll be unlocking a version of himself that he’s always longed for.

Here’s a link to the video again.

Can a relationship coach help you too?

If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.

I know this from personal experience…

A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.

If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.

I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.

Click here to get started.


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Written by Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 15 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Facebook or Twitter.

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