Amy Reed
Genuine love is a beautiful thing. Finding your twin flame can feel like you’ve finally found the person you’re destined to be with.
Everything feels easy with them, and even though you don’t need them, they add so much to your life and make it even more full.
But, sadly, not all love is true love.
Some people act like they’re in love with you when really, they aren’t. And it can be so difficult to tell the difference when you’re in too deep.
Think someone’s love for you isn’t genuine? Here are 12 behaviors to watch out for.
1) They’re nice to you in public but criticize you in private
When someone’s love for you isn’t genuine, they’ll want to show you off and flaunt how great you are in public.
But as soon as you leave the party, this behavior will end.
And it’ll end for two main reasons.
Either they love the idea of being with you and the status you give them – rather than who you actually are as a person.
Or they want to keep up appearances in front of people, but simply can’t be that nice to you when it’s just one-on-one.
2) Their behavior doesn’t match their words
They say they’ll never hurt you, but they keep hurting you. They say they’ll never cheat on you, but they’ve been doing it constantly.
They say they’ll take you on nice dates, but they never do. They say they love you, but the way they treat you makes you feel anything but loved.
When someone’s love for you isn’t genuine, their behavior won’t match their words. They might say all the right things sometimes, and it’ll make you swoon.
But they don’t mean them. Because all the nice things they say they’re going to do, they never do. And there will always be an excuse for it.
When the real reason is that their love for you isn’t genuine.
3) They break promises all the time
When someone doesn’t truly love you, they won’t hesitate to break their promises.
They might promise not to mock your clothes in front of their friends anymore. Or that they’ll stop liking those pictures of other girls on Instagram.
But it’ll only last a day or two before they go back to doing those things – even when they know how much it hurts you.
And it’s not because they don’t care about you at all. It’s because they don’t care enough to set better boundaries about what they do and don’t do with you.
Nor do they care enough to stop doing the things that hurt you when they say they will.
4) They take, take, take
Here’s a harsh truth. Some people don’t love you for the person you are. They love you for how you make them feel or the things you do for them.
It’s heartbreaking to realize that, but it’s true in some situations.
When someone’s love for you isn’t genuine, they’ll take everything you give them – and they’ll relish it.
They’ll adore the validation, status, power, time, or even money you give them.
But they won’t really love you. And you’ll only know this when you discover that their reasons for “loving” you are materialistic, rather than about you personally.
5) They lie to you constantly
When you love someone (and aren’t a narcissist who lacks empathy), you don’t lie to them. Lying to someone you love makes you feel bad and like you’re breaking their trust.
But if someone doesn’t genuinely love you, they have no problem lying to your face. Even if you figure out that they’re lying and confront them, they won’t fess up.
They’ll make you seem (and feel) like a crazy or paranoid person – rather than admit that they lied.
Because they’d rather put you down and make you feel bad than admit that they were the ones in the wrong.
6) They pressure you into doing things you don’t want to do
Peer pressure is an awful thing. And pressure from a romantic partner is even worse.
When you’re dating someone, you want to make them happy – especially if you’re a bit of a people pleaser.
But you shouldn’t have to change yourself or compromise your own happiness for the sake of someone else’s.
And if someone who claims to love you pressures you into doing something you don’t want to do, this isn’t real love.
7) They try to control you
There’s a big difference between love and control – but a very fine line that separates the two in terms of people’s behavior.
When someone loves you, they might encourage you and push you in the right direction. But ultimately, they know (and respect) that you make your own decisions.
Like if you’re trying to lose weight, someone who loves you would happily help you achieve your goals. But they wouldn’t put you down or try to control what you eat to make you achieve them.
They also wouldn’t try to change your appearance, make you wear certain clothes, or stop you from going places you want to go.
If someone does this to you, this isn’t genuine love. It’s control.
8) They pick on your insecurities
Someone who genuinely loves you cares about your feelings.
If someone doesn’t like you that much, or is jealous of you, they probably won’t be very nice to you.
They might highlight your flaws or pick on your insecurities. Sometimes, they’ll turn it into a joke. But sometimes they’ll be downright nasty.
Either way, it’ll all be to make you feel bad about yourself – and them feel better about themselves.
Which just isn’t something you do when you truly love someone.
9) They lovebomb you
When you have high self-esteem, getting lovebombed can be hard to spot.
You know your worth and you don’t expect poor treatment from others. So when someone treats you nicely, you believe it’s genuine behavior.
But unfortunately, many people (especially narcissists) lovebomb their partners or potential partners in the early stages.
They do this to manipulate you and gain your love or validation. But they’ll quickly take the “love” away and replace it with cold behavior.
While you may think someone who’s lovebombing you is genuine in their feelings for you, they aren’t.
10) They’re afraid of being alone
Another way to spot if someone’s love for you is genuine is by understanding how they feel about being on their own.
Many people fear abandonment and being single. So they’ll try to stay in relationships as long as possible to avoid being on their own.
Sometimes, they don’t even know if they’re really in love or just afraid of being alone, according to experts.
But you’ll know, deep down. You’ll feel like they don’t truly know you or even like you that much.
Or like they’re holding back a part of themselves with you. Or even like they’re trying to force love for you, rather than let it come naturally.
11) They try to buy your love
Love isn’t all about grand gestures and expensive gifts. But if someone makes this the case, they might just fear abandonment and don’t want you to leave them.
Or want to take the easy route to gaining your love, rather than letting it come naturally.
A friend of mine had a boyfriend once who was always being cruel to her on evenings out. When she’d get upset about it the next day, he’d buy her flowers.
It was a cycle that’d constantly repeat itself. And the worse his behavior was, the more expensive the gifts would get.
Sadly, his love for her wasn’t genuine. Because if it was, he wouldn’t have been cruel to her to begin with. Nor would he try to win her back with money, rather than something more genuine.
12) Something just doesn’t feel right
The final sign that someone’s love for you isn’t genuine is if something just feels off about them.
You can’t quite put your finger on what it is. Maybe it’s the way they behave. Or maybe it’s the way you feel around them.
Or maybe it’s the fact that you can’t trust them and the things they say at all.
Whatever it is, something just won’t feel right when someone isn’t being genuine with you. And when this happens, it’s better to trust your gut, rather than convince yourself that “everything’s fine”.
Final thoughts
Being in love with someone who doesn’t love you back is an awful feeling. In fact, it’s heartbreaking.
Sometimes, the person doing it knows exactly what they’re doing. Other times, it isn’t their fault. They just lack empathy or the self-awareness to know how they truly feel deep down.
But that doesn’t mean you have to stay in a relationship with someone whose love for you isn’t genuine.
Because all you’re doing by sticking around is delaying finding the person who’s truly right for you.
