Clifton Kopp
Unless you want to have contentious relationships for the rest of your life, itโs smart you focus on your trustworthiness.
You see, in most functioning connections, whether business, romance, platonic, etc. trust is almost always at the foundation.
And when you break it, itโll be a major hole to dig yourself out of.
So if you have trouble being trustworthy, youโve come to the right place.
Similarly, if you somehow come across as deceitful, even though you arenโt, perhaps we can shed some light on that too.
In this article, Iโll take you through the textbook behaviors of untrustworthy people. If these items sound familiar, then you know change is necessary.
Letโs get to it!
1) Youโre consistently dishonest
Hereโs a no-brainer. If youโve been caught in lies multiple times, this will invariably impact your credibility as a personโwhether the falsehoods were small or not is pretty much inconsequential.
The way I see it, when it comes to your run-of-the-mill lying, omitting the truth, or withholding information, you typically have one or two passes before the other person really catches on.
And when they do, itโs unlikely your relationship with them will ever be the same. So always strive to tell the truth; your reputation and relationships are at stake.
Think of the notoriously polarizing, corrupt politician. People might have a disdain for such a figure because they can see through their clear-cut deceit.
These โpublic servantsโ might ruthlessly flat-out lie to the public, while remaining deceptively earnest and stony-faced.
They might say one thing, but their actions are inconsistent with those wordsโall the while swindling a few bucks and clinging to power.
Thereโs a reason why some politicians are so polarizingโand it has a lot to do with their respective records of dishonesty.
Bottom line: saying one thing but not backing it up will rightfully create doubt in your sincerity.
2) You have broken confidentiality
When someone tells you something in confidence, and you share that information with other people, then this can be troublingโa testament to your carelessness and/or lack of reliability.
You may not be signing a legal non-disclosure agreement after your friend tells you secrets about their boyfriend or girlfriend, but itโs understood: youโre a friend, therefore you keep that information to yourself.
Do this enough times, and not only will people see you as untrustworthy and a bit of a gossip queen or king, but youโll alienate them too.
Iโll admit that Iโve been guilty of this in the past.
My friend Rachel confided to me some very personal admissions about her boyfriend, who also happened to be a friend of mine (I introduced the pair.)
One night after one too many glasses of Pinot Noir, I foolishly blurted out a bit of this knowledge to him.
Now I can say with relative certainty that my intentions werenโt filled with malice, but still, the damage was done: I was irresponsible and breached my trust with Rachel.
This opened a floodgate of dramaโand for me, an uphill battle to salvage friendships.
Though I wonโt go into too much detail, Iโll say that after this series of events, I am now extra cautious about the things I disclose, especially after a few beverages.
3) You have a tendency to flake
Nobody likes a flake.
When you say you tend to say youโll be at the party, then donโt show up enough times without valid reason, itโll be hard to rely on you, and for good reason.
Iโm sure we all know someone like this.
Theyโll cancel plans at the last minute, leaving you feeling irritated, hurt, with a bad taste in your mouthโthings that can quickly transform into distrust.
Similarly, when you have the habit of disappearing abruptly, ignoring messages and calls and being essentially unreachable, youโll start coming across as lacking in dependability and considerationโand down the line, youโll lose peopleโs trust as well.
4) Youโre a bit self-centered
Once you develop a reputation for being self-centered, deceit wonโt be far behind.
I mean, when someone is all about themselves, always putting their own interests first, without considering other people, can we really trust a person like this?
The right answer is: probably not.
The latter is especially true when you arenโt particularly close.
So if you tend to be a little self-centered, you might want to ease up on the narcissismโyour interactions will likely improve considerably.
5) You evade accountability
Itโs no state secret: nobody is perfect. Not even Beyonce.
Extreme circumstances aside, nobody reasonable will permanently condemn you for having shortcomings.
So, owning up to your mistakes is always the honorable thing to do. It speaks volumes to your character and integrity.
But if you refuse to take responsibility when youโre at fault; seeking to instead deflect blame onto others or periodically conjure up ridiculous excuses, expect to disenchant a few people.
And someone who actively evades accountability? Well, itโs not rocket science, others might consider them generally untrustworthy as well.
My ex was like this.
Towards the end of our union, weโd often get into some really heated fights.
Occasionally, I was to blame and would make amends accordingly.
But other times, sheโd clearly be in the wrong, yet would almost never take accountability.
Instead of simply saying โsorryโ, sheโd still maneuver to fault me for our issuesโremaining so stubborn that there would be no peace until I swallowed my pride and apologized, even though I was not to blame.
Tedious, I know.
When this became a pattern, our relationship eroded.
I lost trust in her, not in the sense that sheโd cheat on me or steal or anything like that.
I lost trust in her ability to take accountability, which as you might be aware, is a big deal in any relationship.
Final thoughts
If you want to enjoy fruitful associations in this life, then prioritize the virtue of trust.
Nobody wants to have to constantly be on their toes when youโre around. This sort of defeats the purpose of the relationship, platonic or otherwise.
So if being trustworthy doesnโt quite come naturally to you, donโt fret. Change is never out of the question.
Ultimately, with enough will and awareness, youโll get to where you want to be.
But rememberโas great as it is being honest to others, itโs equally as crucial to be honest with yourself. You got this.
