5 behaviors of women who seem nice but lack integrity, according to psychology

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We’ve all been there. We meet someone, a woman who seems so sweet and kind, but something just doesn’t sit right. 

You can’t quite put your finger on what it is. Is it you, or is it her? 

Psychology has some answers for us. 

Today, we delve into five behaviors that could indicate a woman may lack integrity despite her pleasant exterior. 

Let’s get started. 

1) Their actions and words don’t match up

Have you ever experienced a situation where a friend promises to always be there for you, but when you dial their number in desperate need of a pep talk, they’re suddenly too busy? 

Or maybe they’re full of inspirational quotes about loyalty and honesty on Instagram, but then you witness them gossiping about a mutual friend behind her back. 

You know how it is; they say one thing and do another.

The phrase “Actions speak louder than words” might be overused, but it’s true.

A person’s integrity isn’t necessarily reflected in what they say but more so in what they do. 

This is backed up by the experts, too. Jonice Webb, Ph.D., a licensed psychologist, identified this as a sign that someone lacks emotional integrity in a Psychology Today post

Watch out for it. 

It’s all about consistency – are they walking their talk or simply putting on a show? 

2) They don’t like to apologize

Picture this: You’re in a heated debate, clearly on the right side of an argument, yet when it’s time to acknowledge a misstep, she just won’t do it.

Why is it so hard for some to say those two simple words, “I’m sorry”? 

According to Seth Meyers, a clinical psychologist, this reluctance can reveal a lot about a person’s character. He pointed out, “In situations where there is a major power imbalance, make no mistake: The one with power who apologizes to the one with less power is showing bona fide integrity.” 

This insight tells us that a true apology from someone in a position of power is not just about manners—it’s a solid display of integrity. 

Yet, for those who seem nice but may lack this core value, admitting wrongdoing isn’t in their playbook

3) They’re sugar sweet…but only when it serves them

I recently came across a quote posted by a friend of mine on Instagram.

Maybe you know it. It goes, “Integrity is doing the right thing, even when no one is watching.”

It got me thinking.

Have you ever met someone who’s all smiles and compliments one minute, but the moment the going gets tough or they’re not getting what they want, they transform into someone unrecognizable?

You think to yourself, “Wait, who is this person?”

These are the women you may find laughing a little louder, smiling a little wider, and always seeming to say the right things when they stand to gain something. 

But keep an eye out when things start to go south or when they don’t directly benefit from a situation. 

Their sweetness might quickly dissolve, revealing a lack of integrity beneath that sugary exterior.

This is not to say we should judge someone solely based on their behavior in difficult times – we all have our moments, don’t we? 

However, if this sort of changeable behavior is frequent, it’s a huge red flag. 

This comes down to the very definition of integrity “the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles that you refuse to change”. 

Women who change their tune when they don’t stand to benefit are hardly showing strong moral principles that they refuse to change.

4) They never give people the benefit of the doubt

So, let’s say a colleague misses a deadline.

Instead of immediately assuming negligence or laziness, you’d give them the benefit of the doubt, which might involve considering other possible reasons, right?

Perhaps they were dealing with a personal emergency or misunderstood the task’s urgency. 

In his Psychology Today post, Dr. Meyers also notes that this approach is a key sign of integrity, referring to it as “one of the noblest behaviors you can engage in.”

It shows a willingness to see beyond surface-level actions and acknowledge that we all face challenges that can affect our behavior.

However, women who lack integrity often lack this.  

They might appear sweet and understanding initially, but when it really comes down to it, they struggle to trust others’ intentions.

This inability to give the benefit of the doubt might stem from their own questionable character—perhaps they project their own shortcomings on others, suspecting them because they know their own actions aren’t always pure. 

Whatever the reason, this deep-seated skepticism prevents genuine connections and often reveals a significant crack in their charming façade.

5) They undermine others’ feelings

I once worked under a female boss who initially came across as exceptionally accommodating and kind.

She was the sort of boss who would often refer to our team as a ‘family’ and emphasized how every member’s opinion was crucial. You know what I’m talking about, right?

Anyway, as time progressed, a pattern emerged. 

Despite her claims of valuing our input, she subtly undermined our feelings when we did speak up.

She would say things like, “Are you really upset about this, or is it just a bad day for you?” or “I think you’re making this a bigger deal than it is.” Stings, right?

Eventually, my colleagues and I realized there was little point in speaking up at all.

This behavior of negating or minimizing our feelings is a sign of a lack of emotional integrity, as noted by psychologist Jonice Webb.

In a recent post, she explained that people who do this tend to make us feel like we shouldn’t be feeling what we feel, or they may mininmize or insult our feelings. 

Sound familiar?

Well, you are probably dealing with a woman with low emotional integrity, no matter how nice she might seem on the surface. 

The bottom line 

So, there you have it – five behaviors that indicate a lack of integrity.

While they may exude sweetness, women who display these behaviors are often wolves in sheep’s clothing and cannot be trusted. 

Integrity isn’t about perceived politeness—it’s about consistency in character, honesty in interactions, and an adherence to moral principles, regardless of who’s watching or what you stand to gain. 


Ava Sinclair

Ava Sinclair is a former competitive athlete who transitioned into the world of wellness and mindfulness. Her journey through the highs and lows of competitive sports has given her a unique perspective on resilience and mental toughness. Ava’s writing reflects her belief in the power of small, daily habits to create lasting change.

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