Paul Brian
True confidence is deep, consistent and magnetic.
Many try to fake confidence and sometimes succeed in fooling themselves and others for a time, but they always get eventually exposed.
There is no shortcut and no substitute for true confidence.
Here’s how to spot the behaviors of people who are truly confident in themselves.
1) Being decisive and sticking to decisions
The first of the key behaviors of people who are truly confident in themselves is being decisive and sticking to decisions.
It’s so easy to say one thing and do another…
To make a decision and then walk it back when your mood changes or you get a piece of bad news about an obstacle or difficulty you hadn’t foreseen.
Confident people don’t do that.
They think it through before making a decision but once they do make it, they stick to it.
Short of an emergency or complete overturning of expectations they keep at their goal and follow through on their decision.
2) Putting their full effort into their goals
The next of the behaviors of people who are truly confident in themselves is that they go hard or stay home.
The idea of half-doing something doesn’t even exist in a confident person’s mindset.
He or she goes whole hog or doesn’t even bother starting.
There’s no real middle ground:
In work, in love, in every area possible, the confident person gives his or her all and applies full effort to the task at hand.
The downside is that this can sometimes lead to even becoming a workaholic.
The upside is that everyone knows this person means business and can be absolutely counted on no matter what.
3) Speaking clearly and assertively
Next up in the key behaviors of people who are truly confident in themselves is that they speak clearly and assertively.
“Confident people speak assertively because they know that it’s difficult to get people to listen to you if you can’t deliver your ideas with conviction,” writes Travis Bradberry.
So true!
4) Aligning body language and verbal language
Another of the crucial behaviors of people who are truly confident in themselves is that they align their body language and their verbal, spoken language.
This becomes less of a conscious act and more about the way they move and interact in the world.
The truly confident man or woman understands and embodies congruity.
In other words, they avoid the mistake of many non-confident people of saying one thing while their body indicates another.
If they say “hi, how are you?” a confident person looks you in the eye and is ready for a response.
They don’t say “hi, how are you?” while awkwardly half-turned away from you and already eyeing another person or looking at their shoes.
Confident people align their words with their body language.
They say what they mean and mean what they say.
This doesn’t always mean saying much at all, however.
In fact, in many cases the truly confident person may find that the most confident and badass thing to do is to say very little or even nothing at all.
Which brings me to the next point…
5) Knowing when to say nothing at all
Truly confident individuals know that the biggest power move in many situations is to remain absolutely silent.
There’s a reason that the alpha male in action films often delivers curt one liners before dispatching the bad guys or wooing a woman:
Real leaders and confident people are much more focused on real-world action that flapping their gums.
In every domain, the person of real confidence is much more interested in results and real action than he or she is in debate, discussion and endless chatter.
The truth is that many situations and interactions aren’t worth getting involved in at all.
The second truth is that even those that are worth getting involved in can often be more valuably engaged in through listening and understanding more so than contributing or debating.
As business advisor Larry Weidel notes:
“Confident people listen. They don’t need to speak to add value to a conversation.
“Depending on the circumstances, they’ll know what to say . . . if they say anything at all.”
6) Persevering when times get tough
When times get tough, truly confident people demonstrate a quality that’s exceedingly rare these days:
Grit.
They keep going and they persevere even when many others would quit.
It’s not only their belief in themselves which powers them on.
It’s the simple knowledge that their goal is meaningful to them and that obstacles and roadblocks won’t stop them.
They won’t give up, because even if there’s only a 1% chance of success, there’s a 0% chance of success if you quit.
7) Admitting to mistakes and missteps
The next of the key behaviors of people who are truly confident in themselves is that they admit when they’re wrong or when they’ve made a mistake.
Fessing up isn’t just about keeping the old conscience clean or feeling good.
It’s about being able to hold themselves accountable and do better the next time.
If you hide from your own mistakes or keep them fully private, it’s easy to start making all sorts of excuses and half measures.
When you are open and frank about what you did right and what you didn’t, you hold yourself accountable and also put it in the public eye.
To be sure, not every misstep needs to be broadcast or focused on.
But the point is that the truly confident person never hides from their errors, they face them head on and do their best to do better the next time.
8) Leaving excuses in the trash bin
The next of the behaviors of people who are truly confident in themselves is that they leave excuses in the trash.
That’s where they belong, and that’s where they go.
As soon as excuses come up, the confident person ignores them and chucks them away.
Typical examples:
- This didn’t work because I’m a victim and was treated unfairly
- I can’t work toward my goal unless more people start believing in me first
- My body isn’t healthy enough to enjoy anything in life anymore
- If the person I love doesn’t love me then I have a right to cheat on the next person I date because I’ve been so badly hurt!
And so on.
There are so many excuses we make to ourselves and to others.
Winners and confident people never buy into them or use them as an excuse.
9) Fighting their own battles
Next up in the critical behaviors of people who are truly confident in themselves is that they fight their own battles.
They don’t try to take out their problems on others, and they don’t outsource issues.
If they have a problem with someone, they confront them directly.
If they need to deal with a difficult matter, they may ask advice or support, but the truly confident person will never expect a friend or colleague to solve or fix it.
10) Being able to ‘just say no’
Last and very importantly in the behaviors of people who are truly confident in themselves is that they are able to say no.
They have their personal boundaries and are able to do what’s in their best interest when necessary.
They are far from being a people pleaser or needing to always accede to the wishes or hopes of others.
Saying no can really be a superpower when you say no to things, people and places which are not right for you.
“Confident people know that saying no is healthy and they have the self-esteem to make their no’s clear,” explains Bradberry.
“When it’s time to say no, confident people avoid phrases like ‘I don’t think I can’ or ‘I’m not certain.’”
True confidence
True confidence is about knowing who you are and accepting every part of it.
True confidence is about putting your wellbeing front and center.
You make sure to treat others with respect and courtesy, but you will never be a people pleaser or go down the road of hinging your identity and wellbeing on the approval or validation of others.
True confidence is about not being so nice all the time.
It’s about being yourself, and doing what’s meaningful to you, and being an authentic, empowered individual in every possible area of your life.
