Lucas Graham
Navigating the world with a smile, a firm handshake, and an arsenal of witty comebacks can be quite the task. Especially when, underneath that polished exterior, you’re carrying a weight of sadness that feels like it’s crushing you from the inside out.
I know it all too well, I’ve been there, done that. I’ve laughed at parties, led meetings, charmed my way through countless social events while feeling utterly empty inside.
It’s not always about big tragic moments or monumental failures.
Sometimes it’s just an underlying sense of unease, a nagging feeling that despite your best efforts to appear happy and self-assured, you’re just not feeling it.
Here’s a look at seven behaviors that people like us – those who seem confident and charming but are secretly battling inner demons – commonly display.
1) They’re always “on”
There’s a certain level of energy, a certain vibrancy that seems to surround individuals who are perceived as confident and charming.
You’ve seen it, perhaps you’ve even felt it – a constant need to be at your best, to keep the conversation going, to be the life of the party.
But here’s the thing: no one can be “on” all the time.
It’s exhausting, it’s draining and it’s not sustainable. The energy required to maintain this persona can often lead to feelings of emptiness and exhaustion when they’re alone.
So if you notice that someone is always “on”, always ready with a smile or a joke regardless of the situation, it might not be because they’re naturally exuberant.
It could be a facade, a mask they put on to hide their inner turmoil. They may appear confident and charming on the outside, but feeling broken on the inside.
2) They’re the masters of deflection
You know that friend who always seems to have the perfect joke or anecdote ready whenever the conversation starts to get serious?
That was me.
I used to be a professional at diverting attention away from myself and my feelings. I could turn any conversation about my struggles into a laugh fest in a matter of seconds.
But it wasn’t because I was naturally funny or quick-witted. It was because I was terrified of letting people see the real me, the one who wasn’t always strong or confident or charming.
I was afraid that if they saw how broken I was on the inside, they would turn away. So I hid behind humor and deflection, always keeping the focus on someone else, anything else, but never on me.
Deflection is often a survival tactic for those who feel broken inside but want to maintain an outward appearance of confidence and charm.
3) They’re perfectionists to a fault
Famous author John Steinbeck once said, “And now that you don’t have to be perfect, you can be good.”
But that’s easier said than done when you’re trying to maintain an exterior of confidence and charm.
You see, there’s this constant pressure to get everything right, to be flawless at all times. And it’s not just about the big things. It’s about the little things as well – the perfect outfit, the perfect response, the perfect social media post.
In my case, I spent hours obsessing over every minor detail, trying to create a picture-perfect image of my life. I was so consumed with trying to be perfect that I lost sight of the fact that it’s our imperfections that make us human, that make us real.
Perfectionism can seem like a virtue, especially in a world that values success and achievement above all else. But for those who feel broken inside, it can often be a way to hide their true feelings, to mask their inner struggles with an exterior of flawless confidence and charm.
4) Their social calendar is always full
A 2012 study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that people who are more socially active may be better at hiding their negative emotions.
That was a revelation to me. Because for years, I’d filled my diary with events, parties, and gatherings, even when I’d rather be at home alone. I was always the first one there and the last one to leave, always surrounded by people and yet feeling incredibly alone.
Being constantly busy and socially active can often be a way for those who feel broken inside to distract themselves from their own thoughts and feelings. It’s a way to avoid confronting their inner struggles.
Knowing someone who’s always on the go, always attending one event or another, it might not be because they’re a social butterfly. It could be because they’re trying to escape from the pain inside, using their packed social calendar as a shield to maintain their confident and charming exterior.
5) They rarely ask for help
There’s something about maintaining a confident and charming persona that makes it incredibly hard to ask for help.
I’ve been there myself, feeling like I’m drowning in my own struggles but terrified to reach out for fear of shattering the illusion. I believed that asking for help was a sign of weakness, that it would make me less in the eyes of others.
But the truth is, everyone needs help sometimes.
Unfortunately, those who feel broken inside often find it hard to admit this, even to themselves. They continue to put on a brave face, to act like everything is fine, even when their world is falling apart.
Someone who never seems to need assistance, who always seems to have everything under control, it might not be because they’re invincible. It could be because they’re trying desperately to hold onto their facade of confidence and charm while battling inner demons.
6) They have a hard time forming deep connections
On the surface, it may seem like they have a wide circle of friends. They’re popular, well-liked, and always in the middle of the action.
That was me, surrounded by people but feeling incredibly alone.
I realized that while I had many acquaintances, I had very few close friends. I kept people at a distance, afraid that if they got too close, they would see through my confident and charming facade.
The truth is, forming deep connections requires vulnerability – something that those who feel broken inside often struggle with. They fear that revealing their true selves will drive people away, so they keep their relationships superficial and controlled.
7) They’re often their own worst critics
It’s one thing to strive for betterment, it’s another to relentlessly criticize oneself.
I’ve spent countless nights replaying the day’s events in my head, criticizing every word I said, every decision I made. It was a never-ending cycle of self-doubt and self-criticism.
People who appear confident and charming often have an internal dialogue that’s far from positive. They constantly judge themselves, setting unrealistic expectations and beating themselves up when they fail to meet them.
This harsh self-criticism can serve as a mask, hiding their inner turmoil behind a facade of confidence and charm. They may seem like they have it all together on the outside, but inside, they’re constantly battling feelings of inadequacy.
Taking it all in
If you see yourself in these behaviors, know that you’re not alone. Many of us wear masks, hiding our true feelings behind a facade of confidence and charm.
But the beauty of self-awareness is that it opens the door to change.
Begin by acknowledging your feelings. It’s okay to feel broken. It’s okay to not have it all together. And most importantly, it’s okay to let others see this side of you.
Remember, change won’t happen overnight. But with each step you take towards embracing your true self, you’ll get closer to finding peace within your own skin. And that’s where the real confidence and charm come from.
Take your time, be patient with yourself and remember – you are more than the image you project to the world. You are beautifully complex, wonderfully unique and perfectly imperfect just as you are.
Here’s to taking off the mask and embracing the real you – broken pieces and all.
