Pearl Nash
A long time ago, you were in agony.
Your relationship just ended and you didn’t know what to do—you didn’t just lose the love of your life, you also lost your sense of self!
But life went on as it always does, and here you are…
You might look the same and act the same, but you’re a brand new person!
Any time of great pain is a time of transformation, they say.
And it’s true in your case.
Here are 12 beautiful signs you’ve grown as a person since your last relationship.
1) The past doesn’t haunt you anymore
You no longer toss and turn in bed thinking “What could I have done to save our relationship?”
And when you fold your laundry, you no longer think “I wish I was sweeter, richer, sexier…maybe we’d still be together.”
Thoughts of the past no longer cross your mind.
On the rare occasions that they do, you no longer hate yourself for your shortcomings. In fact, you no longer see them as shortcomings but normal human behaviors.
You’ve developed self-compassion and grace. And it’s beautiful how you’re now very tender with how you treat yourself.
2) You now wish your ex well
You used to hate your ex.
You said things like “I hope you’ll never be happy!” or “Karma will get you!”
But now, you really don’t give a damn about them anymore. And sometimes, you even wish them happiness.
Your break-up has made you realize that anger does nothing but hurt YOU.
It has also taught you that people are not automatically evil for hurting you. Nothing is ever black and white and relationships are complex.
So if they HAPPEN to hurt you, that doesn’t make them the child of the devil.
Your last relationship has taught you to be more compassionate with people—even the flawed ones who’ve hurt you. And this is such a beautiful thing.
3) You know yourself better
When your last relationship failed, it forced you to take a hard look at yourself.
You didn’t just ask “What kind of partner am I?”
You also asked bigger questions like “What do I really want in life?”, “What can’t I tolerate?”, and the most important question of all— “Who am I?”
When we’re in a relationship, we sometimes get too comfortable or too busy fixing the relationship that we forget ourselves.
The break-up might seem like the worst thing that has ever happened to you, but maybe—just maybe—it’s the best thing.
You might have lost a relationship but at least you’ve found yourself.
4) You realize you no longer NEED a relationship to be happy
Since your last relationship, you’ve learned that you’re perfectly fine being single.
Sure, you do want to be with the love of your life someday, but you’re totally fine if that doesn’t happen soon (or at all!)
Seeing other couples doesn’t make you envious because you’ve been there—you know that it’s not all perfect and cute.
And seeing single people doesn’t make you worried because well…you’re now single and you’re actually just fine!
5) Your happiness is now on self-start
You used to rely on your partners to make you happy.
You’d be happy if they gave you gifts.
You’d be happy if they took you out to dinner.
You’d be happy if they expressed their love for you.
And when they were no longer there, you felt the void. You asked yourself “Who will make me happy now?”
The good thing about the break-up is that you crawled out of that void and took charge of your own happiness.
You now buy yourself things, you now treat yourself to delicious dinners, and you no longer crave “I love yous” because you feel love within yourself.
6) You now know what you want in a relationship
When we’re still in a relationship, we rarely ever ask ourselves “What do I want in a relationship?”
After all, we’re in one already. We just have to accept it.
True love is acceptance and tolerance, after all.
But since you stepped out of your last relationship, you’re able to really assess what you want (and don’t want) in a partner.
Without this pause, you’d just go on and on accepting whatever life throws your way instead of being more intentional with your love life.
7) You’ve learned about your flaws (and even changed some of them)
Relationships serve as mirrors.
They highlight our good traits as well as the not-so-good ones.
If you have a temper of a dragon, chances are that you’ve shown this side to your ex. They might have told you about it too, as well as your many other flaws.
And while self-acceptance is cool, you’ve chosen to work on yourself after the break-up.
It’s definitely not because you want them back. It’s because you want to be better for yourself.
8) You’ve applied the lessons from your past relationship
When my relationship ended, I made a list of lessons I learned from it.
I learned that I should not commit too soon…that I should allow myself to really get to know the person first.
I also learned that I should not discuss relationship problems when drunk because it just makes everything dramatic.
And you know what? That’s exactly what I did when I met my current partner.
We’re taking it slow and we discuss things when we’re both calm and sober.
Relationships are like workshops that teach us relationship skills, and so are break-ups. I’ve learned from both and became a slightly better person.
9) You’ve learned about your boundaries
When we’re in a relationship, it’s hard to set clear boundaries.
Saying “Don’t use my laptop.” or “Don’t invite your friends over for days” could be seen as selfishness.
And so we just keep accommodating our partner’s needs even if it’s bothering us.
But since you got out of your relationship, you’ve learned to acknowledge and value your limitations.
You now promise yourself that you’d be more firm with your boundaries so you will never feel resentful.
10) You’ve nurtured your other relationships
It’s normal that we go MIA on our friends and family once we find a partner. Normal…but not healthy.
When you broke up with your ex, you realized you only had very few friends left. And you’ve become distant to your family, too.
Now, you know better. You’ll never put them last priority just because you have a partner.
You’ve rekindled your relationships and you promise to never forget them once you find a new partner.
11) You’re now committed to self-growth
While you’re still in a relationship, you’re all about relationship growth.
You got busy building your routine as a couple, creating a cozy home, and starting hobbies together.
It’s always “we” and “us”, that you’ve forgotten who you are as an individual.
The break up has made you realize that in the end, the only person who’s constant in your life is YOU.
And so you try to nurture yourself with self-care, and you try to pursue your passions and build healthier habits.
You vowed to honor yourself and never ever forget who you are even if you’re in the most loving relationship.
12) You have a healthier view on love and relationships
While you’re still with your ex, you thought (romantic) love is all that matters.
Then as your relationship decayed, you thought that love should be about self-sacrifice and fixing the relationship even if it kills both of you.
And when you broke up, you thought love is just a waste of time—that people are foolish for having relationships!
Now, after all of that, you have a much healthier view on love and relationships.
While you believe love matters a lot, it’s not all that matters.
While you believe love is about self-sacrifice, it has its limits (and it’s okay).
And while love can end, it’s never a waste of time.
Final thoughts
The most important growth is invisible to the eye.
It’s how you think, how you feel, how you see, and how you love.
If you can relate to all the signs above, then you just had a total life transformation.
Thank your break-up for that, thank your ex for that, and most of all—thank yourself.
You did well and you should be proud of yourself!
