Are twin flames real? Let’s get to the bottom of it!

If you are in the spiritual community, the concept of twin flames is probably nothing new to you.

But are twin flames real? Let’s get to the bottom of it!

What are twin flames?

In case you aren’t familiar with the idea of twin flames, after all, let’s take a quick look at what they are!

This information will also be helpful in discerning whether or not this spiritual relationship is a real thing or merely a wishful concept.

According to Sarah Regan in her article, “A twin flame is an intense soul connection with someone thought to be a person’s other half, sometimes called a “mirror soul.”

Maybe you’ve heard of the Greek myth in Plato’s “The Symposium”, where he suggests that humans were originally created with four legs, four arms, and a head with two faces.

According to this story, the god Zeus was afraid of their power, so he split them in two, condemning the two halves to spend their existence searching for their other half.

The twin flame concept is based on this story, suggesting that there is one person out there who is your other half and will “complete you”.

Now, I’m sure the first critics are chiming in here already, pointing out the toxicity in the idea of someone else being needed in order to be complete, and I totally agree!

However, twin flames are more about seeing yourself in your partner (hence the “mirror soul” part), which will then allow you to also see your wounds and heal them.

It took me a long time to realize that there is a difference between twin flames and soulmates.

A twin flame relationship, interestingly enough, is often ruled by lots of conflicts.

Think about it: someone is reflecting all your traits back to yourself, especially the ones you might not want to see.

That is bound to trigger you like nothing else.

Turns out that’s the whole point of twin flame relationships: getting triggered so that you can heal and improve together.

The stages of a twin flame relationship

Usually, twin flame relationships follow certain patterns. There are 8 distinct stages almost every twin flame reports of their relationship:

Yearning – this happens before meeting your twin. There is a knowledge that someone is out there and you feel a deep longing.

Meeting – Upon the meeting, you will feel like a firework just exploded in your heart.

Honeymoon phase – the first weeks can be beautiful, full of sweet moments and love

Challenges – the characteristic phase of twin flames: you face obstacles and challenges together like never before

The test – in one way or another, the relationship will be put to a test. Doubts will arise and one of you might try to run.

The chase – When you are separated, one is trying to avoid vulnerability, while the other is trying to get them back.

The surrender – Once the “runner” surrenders to their feelings, they get back together with their twin

Coming home – the last stage. The twins have worked through all their problems and accepted their fate together. The relationship is full of growth.

There are many more aspects to a twin flame relationship, of course, but diving into them would be way beyond this article.

Let’s get to the bottom of why you really clicked on this post: are twin flames real?

The answer to that might not be black and white. That’s why I will give you extensive arguments for both stances so that you can decide for yourself.

Why twin flames might not be real

Let’s start off with the critics, shall we?

For many, the concept of twin flames is nothing more than a nice idea promoting spiritual egotism.

To be fair, there are a lot of problems that can be seen with this concept, especially when it’s being used to twist, manipulate, and hold on to relationships.

Let’s look at a few red flags with twin flames:

1) It’s a way to validate the relationship, but it pressures the partners.

Many people are desperate to call their partner their soulmate, twin flame, anything that will validate their relationship and give them a sense of false security that this bond will last forever.

The thing is, I totally understand. When you’re with your new boo you want nothing other than to believe that your connection is something out of this world, meant to last an eternity.

After all, your partner being your twin flame sounds amazing, right?

Here’s the issue with this: it puts a lot of pressure on your partner (and on you).

Imagine knowing that if you end the relationship, the other person is doomed for eternity because you were “the one”.

2) You are meant for each other and will reunite.

A very popular idea in the concept of twin flames is twin flame separation. 

Basically, it means that the two partners are separated, but don’t worry, there will most likely be a reunion at some point in the future.

Do you see the problem here?

The thing is, sure, some people get back together after having grown as individuals in their time apart, but you don’t need to be a twin flame to experience that.

If, however, you are completely obsessed with the idea of your twin flame and believe with all your heart that you will reunite anyway, that can prevent you from moving on.

Being in denial about rejection because you condole yourself with ideas like the runner-chaser dynamic can really put a halt to all your healing from the break-up.

I hate to break it to you, but maybe they weren’t your twin flame, and now you’re spending your days waiting for someone who has long moved on to come back.

3) You’re only half a soul.

The whole idea of twin flames is based on the hypothesis that you are only half a soul, and therefore not complete without your twin flame.

Simply put, you’re not whole without your other half.

This idea can be seen as extremely problematic and obsessive in terms of healthy attachment.

The thought that you ever need somebody else to be whole, valid, and okay is a breeding ground for codependency and unhealthy relationship patterns.

What happens when you break up? Will you only be half a person for the rest of your life?

Or if you spend your life searching for your twin flame, were you never a full, whole person by yourself?

You see, this can be a good argument against twin flames.

Some people spend decades waiting around, feeling like crap about themselves because they truly believe that unless they find that one person, their life is meaningless.

4) Is it simply an obsession?

All of these arguments undoubtedly suggest that instead of a twin flame, people are simply obsessed with each other.

They care more about what they can get out of the relationship rather than how the other person is feeling, and when rejected, are in denial for sometimes even their whole life.

There is no scientific basis on why twin flames would be real, as it is based on the story of an ancient philosopher.

Nevertheless, there has to be something true about it, otherwise, thousands of people worldwide wouldn’t believe in it, right?

Let’s take a look at how we can argue for the existence of twin flames.

Why twin flames might be real

By now you might be asking yourself if there can even be a possibility for this obsession to be a real thing.

We shouldn’t discredit the concept of twin flames altogether, though.

There are some things to be said for it, and definitely some advantages of being in a twin flame relationship.

1) Many people report the same experiences.

You can’t ignore the fact that countless people worldwide from different backgrounds and belief systems all report the same things.

Even when they’ve never been in contact with others or even know about the idea of twin flames, they all use the same words to describe their twin flame experience:


• Irresistible

Being drawn to one another

A feeling of recognition

Feeling another’s emotions

Can that be a mere coincidence?

2) We can’t explain everything.

Another reason to believe in twin flames is that none of us can explain everything that happens in this world, so just because there isn’t any scientific evidence (yet?) doesn’t prove anything.

Sure, some people might just not make any sense of it, but that doesn’t mean twin flames don’t exist!

Let’s just look back to the past, when things that are perfectly reasonable to us now didn’t make sense and felt like magic.

Up until a few decades ago, mental illness wasn’t even a thing. When someone was severely depressed, for example, there was no proof and people didn’t believe in it as an illness.

Nowadays, everyone knows that it is a perfectly real condition that needs to be treated, no doubts about it.

Who’s to say that 10, 20, or 100 years from now it won’t be the same with concepts such as twin flames?

3) It can be a good thing!

Believing in the concept of twin flames doesn’t mean you have to be in a toxic, codependent relationship!

On the contrary, twin flame relationships can actually help you grow immensely.

We already talked about the fact that twins tend to trigger the hell out of each other because they become aware of their own wounds.

This is not necessarily a bad thing.

Actually, relationships are usually the environment where we grow the most.

Think about it: when you’re single, there’s a lot of stuff you don’t have to face because you can just distract yourself with something (or someone) else.

In my own experience, I can say that in my first serious relationship I discovered things about myself I never knew I struggled with.

That’s because before then, I never had to be vulnerable at all. I simply moved on and found something to take my attention off of certain issues.

In a relationship, you are forced to look at these things and resolve them, otherwise, you will run into some serious problems.

Multiply the triggers of normal relationships times 10 and you will come close to what a twin flame relationship is like.

Sure, that is not always easy, but the two partners in a twin flame relationship definitely learn a LOT together and grow and evolve like never before.

That definitely speaks for twin flame relationships, because after all, we all strive to keep improving, don’t we?

No matter if that relationship persists or not, that growth will never be wasted. You can carry all that knowledge into other relationships, or simply within you.

Things that often come up during twin flame relationships are:

The “runner-chaser dynamic”: this problem arises when one of the twin flames gets scared and wants to run from the commitment.

Usually, this dynamic teaches the partners a lot about vulnerability and healthy attachment styles.

Impatience: because the twin flame relationship is seen as such a long-term one, it can be frustrating when things aren’t going well and the partners get impatient.

Giving in to the fact that there will be lots of issues and that it will be worth it, in the end, is a huge test of patience.

Complicated circumstances: Twin flame relationships often have the characteristic of seemingly insurmountable obstacles.

Maybe that could be:

Family situations (like one twin being married)

Cultural barriers

Differences in sexual orientation

As difficult as these situations might be, they teach the twin flames to persevere and overcome them together.

Truth bombs: you can’t hide anything in a twin flame relationship. This forces the two partners to be brutally honest with each other.

In reality, it teaches them a lot about accepting constructive criticism, honoring their truth, and speaking up about everything.

By now, you can probably see that there are many things speaking for twin flame relationships.

Whether you believe they are real or not is ultimately up to you.

If you have a suspicion that you might have met this very special someone, here are a few signs that you have found your twin flame:

10 signs you have found your twin flame (or whatever you want to call them)

1) There is an indescribable pull

Meeting your twin flame is an experience you won’t easily forget. From the first moment you laid eyes on them to this day, every cell in your body feels drawn to them.

I don’t know if you’ve seen Twilight, but when Jacob describes what imprinting on someone feels like, he says:

“Imprinting on someone is like… Like when you see her… Everything changes. All of a sudden, it’s not gravity holding you to the planet. It’s her… Nothing else matters.”

Well, it’s similar when meeting your twin flame (but don’t worry, you won’t turn into a werewolf).

2) Incredible similarity

With a twin flame, you will notice some unbelievable synchronicities.

Whether it’s your birth chart, family history, past experiences, and traumas, or values – you two seem to share so much that it’s hard to write it off as a coincidence anymore.

Even your interests and hobbies line up, which makes for a great relationship, as you have so much in common.

This will also help you see your own past experiences from a new perspective when talking about them with your twin.

3) You complement each other

And the good news? You’re not identical copies of one another, and those differences help you complement each other.

Where you have your strengths, you can help out your twin. Meanwhile, they can make up for your weaknesses.

Together you fit like yin and yang, making a perfect whole, ready to tackle any obstacle thrown your way.

4) Insecurities and doubts are through the roof

When you meet your twin flame, you will notice a huge spike in insecurity and doubt.

Twin flame relationships bring out all your triggers, so finally meeting your person will bring everything bubbling to the surface.

You will feel heightened emotions and will probably need time to work through all of these amplified feelings.

The good news? Everything you are working through at this stage will bring you a step closer to your best self.

5) There are many problems

Not what you expected as a sign of meeting the one, is it?

Twin flame relationships are full of obstacles to help the two partners evolve.

For this reason, you will find numerous problems in your relationship.

Of course, these confrontations are incredibly challenging, but in the end, they just move you closer to your highest self.

6) Intense is an understatement

When it comes to twin flame relationships, the term intense is an understatement.

The emotional charge between the two partners is immense and immediate.

Right upon meeting, the feelings spike up and stay there for the rest of the time.

Don’t worry, although the intensity of your emotions may not subside, you will eventually get used to it and it will feel more normal.

The good news? This intense emotional charge is also a surefire way to lots of passion.

7) You keep reuniting

We all know on and off couples that seem to have broken up more times than we can count.

In some cases, this can actually be a sign of twin flame relationships.

I already mentioned the runner-chaser dynamic, where one partner keeps running out of fear of vulnerability.

No matter what, they just can’t seem to escape, though. In some way or another, they always find their way back to their twin.

The universe just comes up with the most random situations that bring them back together.

Sometimes, these separations are a few days, but it could be months, years, or even decades – eventually, you will be reunited again.

8) It feels divine

Due to the spiritual nature of this connection, it comes to no surprise that these relationships often feel divine, or predestined.

You just can’t shake the feeling that a higher power was involved when bringing the two of you together.

Of course, there is no way to prove any of it, but you feel it in your heart.

9) Your connection is not just physical

One more sign of having found your twin flame is when your connection surpasses the rules of physicality.

The two of you can communicate with nothing more than a glance, almost telepathically.

On top of that, some twin flames report being able to feel one another’s emotions, and sometimes even pain!

10) You are better because of them

All the obstacles and challenges you face with your twin are not wasted effort, believe me.

In the end, the mere fact that you are so triggered by your twin catapults you to new heights.

Twin flame relationships are catalysts for growth, and your twin will help push you to become your best self.

Unlike some other relationships, a twin flame relationship is expansive, always focusing on evolving and growing.

Do you believe in it?

By now, you should have a pretty good idea of what a twin flame relationship is and what speaks for or against its existence.

There are certainly valid points to be made on either side of this argument, and there is no way to come to an agreement on what is “right” or “wrong”.

In the end, there is no right or wrong here, it is simply a matter of belief (or lack thereof).

Regardless of what your personal opinion is, you can keep all the facts in mind and make sure that either way, you focus on leading healthy relationships.

After all, it doesn’t really matter if you call the love of your life your twin flame, soulmate, the one, or anything else.

If you love them and they know it, that’s all that matters.

Anna Scheucher

Freelance writer specializing in holistic health, wellness, and psychology. Check out my blog to find out more!

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