How can you know if you’re annoying him? More importantly, what can you do about it?
In this article I’ll talk about 14 ways you may be annoying him, and what you can do about it.
So, let’s get into it.
Signs you might be annoying him
1) He’s strangely defensive
Where at one time you may have been able to bring something up, nowadays he’s just defensive. It seems like he’s always on guard.
Why is that?
The reason could be that he’s annoyed with you. Maybe it’s something small or maybe it’s something big. However, he’s defensive for several reasons.
What are they?
It could be because he’s trying to figure out how to bring up what’s been bothering him lately and hasn’t been able to.
On the other hand, it could be because he’s avoiding the subject entirely, doesn’t know how to bring it up, and doesn’t plan on doing so.
What that means is he doesn’t have a plan and it makes him feel guilty, whether he consciously knows it or not.
That then leads him to exhibit defensive behavior, pretty much all the time.
So if you’ve noticed him lately strangely defensive without a reason, it could be because there’s something that’s annoying him.
It could also be that he’s an insecure boyfriend. Here are a bunch more signs to figure out if he really is or not.
2) He makes jokes (but he’s not actually joking)
This one can be tough. It can put a lot of strain on a relationship.
If your boyfriend has started making jokes with you that seem more like jabs, you know full well how upsetting that can be.
It’s a thinly veiled way of expressing his true feelings, without having to actually confront you.
In other words, it’s mean-spirited and not very mature.
His jokes sound sarcastic and biting more than they are funny. His humorous comments about your behavior aren’t actually funny. Backhanded compliments from him seem more like insults after the fact.
These are all signs that he’s being annoyed by you but won’t come out and say it.
What does that mean?
It means he’s being passive-aggressive and can’t face the issue head-on. It’s mean and unfair to you and puts a huge strain on the relationship.
3) He cancels on you to hang out with his friends
It’s important in a relationship to keep healthy friendships; it’s important to have outside relationships apart from your significant other. However, we’re talking about a different kind of behavior.
When your boyfriend has made plans with you, then cancels to hang out with his friends, it points to a different issue.
It might be hard to notice at first; he may ask politely to hang out with his friends instead of you, maybe as a one-time thing. Then you notice that it’s a pattern.
More and more, you find that he’s changing his plans to hang out with other people instead of you.
To put it another way, if it seems like he’s avoiding you, it could be because you’re annoying him. He doesn’t enjoy spending time with you as much as he used to.
Remember, it’s not good to feel guilty or put blame on yourself. His behavior is far from beneficial, as he’s avoiding an important subject and putting you aside when really he should be formulating his thoughts and feelings to talk to you about it.
A healthy relationship is based on clear communication, no matter the issue. So if he’s leaving you in the dark to hang out with his friends instead, it’s not just you making the problem.
4) He tunes you out a lot
At the beginning of your relationship, he was always so attentive. He liked to listen to you, engage with you, and have meaningful conversations.
You learned to rely on him for that level of communication, especially when you were feeling down or needed time to vent. And lately, it seems different. It seems like he just isn’t engaging with you anymore.
Maybe he doesn’t really put his phone down while you talk or perhaps it seems like his responses are short and disinterested. In other words, he’s just tuning you out.
It could be because there’s a lot on his mind lately and he’s kind of just in his own world.
Or it could be that there’s something about you that annoys him, and so it’s just easier for him to tune you out. It’s not a good feeling and it’s less than ideal.
What that means is it’s an unhealthy relationship dynamic and it’s time for something to change.
If you’re wondering if he’s lost his feelings for you, here’s a great article that gives you 14 different signs he’s just not that into you anymore.
5) His gestures of affection have faded away
These kinds of gestures are vital to an intimate and beneficial relationship. If he’s pulling away physically, there are any number of reasons why that’s the case.
But here’s the thing: in almost every case, there’s something bothering him that he won’t talk about.
That’s not to say he doesn’t want to bring it up; it’s possible he hasn’t figured out how. Then again, it’s also possible that he’s annoyed by you and doesn’t really intend to bring it up.
This kind of behavior is far from kind and it puts a lot of strain on the relationship.
He’s also acting callous and cold towards your feelings, which isn’t cool.
6) He’s not really into discussing issues
There may have been a time in your relationship when you had fights and maybe you don’t anymore. However, you get the feeling maybe that isn’t a good thing.
Fighting can often be a sign of a dynamic relationship.
Having disagreements isn’t bad and if you’re able to communicate clearly, respect each other’s opinions and feelings, and come to a mutual understanding, then in that case the argument was beneficial.
In other words, it’s a form of communication — and if it stays healthy, it points to a healthy relationship.
Nowadays, though, it seems like your boyfriend just doesn’t want those kinds of discussions or arguments. He doesn’t want any kind of confrontation, he just wants to avoid issues.
It’s a sign that there’s something bothering him, that maybe you’re annoying him.
In that case, then, he’s avoiding the confrontation because he doesn’t want it to come up that something has been bothering him.
Here are some more signs of a dysfunctional relationship, and what you can do if you’re in one.
7) He doesn’t like answering your calls
This is a sign that he might be annoyed by you. He wants to keep you at arm’s distance because there’s something that’s been bothering him.
Answering calls from a significant other shouldn’t be an issue.
Obviously, we’re all busy and can’t answer the phone all the time. But a call-back is often in order, along with the ability to be available to our significant other.
So if your boyfriend is declining calls from you, texting you instead, or generally seems more unavailable than he used to be, it could be a big sign that he’s been annoyed by you lately.
Or maybe you’ve had a big fight recently, and he’s not answering your calls. Here are some things you can do to remedy the situation.
8) He constantly needs “alone time”
Here’s the thing about alone time: It’s vital in keeping a healthy relationship.
Being okay with yourself is part of being okay when you’re around others. Time apart in a relationship, the ability to be alone and take time for yourself, it all plays into a stronger connection.
However, that’s not the relationship dynamic that you’re seeing. It seems like any time that he would normally spend with you has been increasingly spent as “alone time”.
What that could mean is this:
He’s using his need for alone time as an excuse to be away from you, as there’s something about you that’s been annoying him.
It’s his way of basically saying “Leave me alone, I don’t want to be bothered”.
That’s never fun to hear and it’s unfair for him to leave you in the dark and push you aside without giving you an explanation.
He may need his space, but there comes a point when it’s just not fair for you. At all.
So why doesn’t he say anything?
This is no doubt one of the biggest questions on your mind, especially if you see him exhibiting a lot of these signs.
If I’m annoying him so much, why doesn’t he just say something already?
There’s a lot of reasons why he might not want to say anything.
If we look at things positively, it could be because he needs some time to process his feelings, and better figure out a way to talk to you about it.
He might not want to hurt your feelings and couch what he needs to say in a way that shows the most consideration to you.
On the contrary, it could be that he’s just pulling you along for no reason. He doesn’t want to confront you, he doesn’t want to cut you loose, and he doesn’t want to talk about his true feelings.
That leaves you in a pretty bad place, in limbo, with a sour feeling in your gut.
There’s not much worse than feeling like you’re annoying someone, unsure of yourself, and don’t really know what’s going on.
It means that something needs to change in the relationship, and maybe you need to do something about it.
Here’s what to do about it
9) Observe his behavior
Before you confront him about whether or not you’ve been annoying him, pay attention to his behavior.
Watch him closely, check his cues. Keep these signs in mind.
If he seems impatient with you, short and unkind, it could be because you’re annoying him.
If it seems like a certain subject triggers him, or something that you do makes him disconnect and tune out, make a note of it.
If his behavior seems to follow a pattern, it could point to a bigger issue that’s on his mind.
It could be that he’s just emotionally drained and everything has been frustrating him in his life.
Here are some clear signs and remedies to help when someone’s emotionally drained.
10) Take note of what you think might be annoying him
Observing your own behavior is really important when it’s time to bring up the issue with him.
Watch his reaction to the things you say and do. Pay special attention to exactly what it is that sets him off.
Obviously, he’s not going to give it away that easily. However, paying attention to the signs and when they happen will give you a good picture of the situation.
That way, when you do decide to confront him, you’ll be able to have more information to help the discussion.
11) Give him his space
It’s important not to rush into it in a state of panic or upset.
Give the situation some time. While things are currently less than ideal, it’s important to give him the opportunity to bring up what’s on his mind.
He needs to feel safe in his ability to express his true feelings. Therefore, giving him the grace and opportunity to talk to you first can go a really long way.
However, here’s the catch: your feelings are just as important.
You shouldn’t just wait around indefinitely, expecting things to magically fix themselves, or for him to say something when clearly he’d rather leave you in the dark and keep things unhealthy.
So set a timeline for yourself, make sure you’re respecting your personal boundaries, and only give him space for as long as you’re comfortable.
12) Confront him about it
Once you’ve understood his behavior better, been able to process your emotions, and given him suitable time to bring it up himself, it might be time to confront him about it.
When confronting him, it’s important to pick a good time and to go into the conversation with a level head. In other words, you don’t want to attack him or put him immediately on the defensive.
That doesn’t feel good, no matter who you are. And remember, there’s a reason he’s been avoiding the conversation — because he doesn’t really want to talk about it.
The thing is, though, relationships hinge on good communication, so if he’s unwilling even to talk about it when you’ve given him time, brought it up well, and haven’t confronted him, it’s a big sign.
What I’m saying is that it’s a big red flag.
And remember, either way, the goal of the discussion is to figure out exactly what it is that’s been annoying him about you lately, or if it’s something else entirely.
13) Decide if it’s possible to meet in the middle
This part of the discussion becomes really different depending on each relationship and what exactly it is that’s been annoying him about you.
With that in mind, it’s hard to tell you exactly what meeting in the middle might look like or if it’s possible. Really, then, that’s between you and him.
But remember, you’ve got your boundaries and needs and so does he.
If it’s a minor thing, it could be really simple to fix the issue and regain the intimacy and closeness you had before.
However, if it’s something fundamental, things could be harder to repair, and it might seem impossible to meet in the middle.
14) Make the change
At this point, it’s important to implement the changes you’ve talked about if it’s feasible.
That could require effort on both of your parts. Adapting and changing to the needs and desires of our significant other is a vital part of getting along.
None of us are perfectly compatible, so being considerate and kind is important to have a loving and supportive relationship.
A lack of compromise could be a serious sign of disrespect. Here’s a look at some other big signs your partner just doesn’t respect you.
On the other hand, making the change could mean making some tough choices.
A healthy relationship hinges on the ability to coordinate, get along, and stay intimate.
If the issue that’s been annoying him is just too big for you to change or if there’s no reasonable way to meet in the middle, it could mean that the change needed is a breakup.
That’s a hard pill to swallow.
But remember: you should be valued for who you are in a relationship.
There’s no sense in being in a relationship with someone who wants to change who you really are or who finds fundamental things about you annoying.
That’s not your fault, plain and simple. Nor is it something you should be responsible for changing.
Remember, if you’re annoying him, there are things you can do and there are things that are just too much. Make sure to respect your personal boundaries and put yourself first, no matter what.
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