How to deal with an alpha female in a relationship: 11 important tips

Some women are “alpha females”: the go-getter, boss types who want to conquer the world and leave their mark on everything and everyone they meet.

This is the type of woman who doesn’t have time for the petty drama and disputes of relationships.

This kind of frankness isn’t always easy to handle, especially when it’s your first time.

So what are the best ways to navigate your relationship with an alpha female, and how do you make sure you maintain the happiness of your relationship while still being true to yourself?

Here are 11 important reminders to keep in mind when interacting with your boss alpha woman:

1. Understand What Makes an Alpha Woman “Alpha”

The first and most important step in dealing with an alpha female is understanding what an alpha female really is.

Some men think that an alpha woman is just a confident woman, or just a strong woman, or just an outspoken woman.

But in truth, an alpha woman isn’t any single trait or collection of traits; she can be all of those things are none of those things, and still be an alpha woman.

At the end of the day, being an alpha female means having a certain mindset of perseverance.

It’s almost a kind of reaction to the world that generally treats women as being subservient or lesser than their male counterparts.

Alpha females know what they want and understand what they have to do to get it.

The best way to “deal” with her is not by dealing with her at all, but learning how to be the best partner she needs to achieve her potential.

2. Always Be Genuine With Her

Alpha individuals in general are almost always short on time.

They can’t play emotional games: the hidden messages, the secret codes.

To an alpha person, these things are a waste of time, a sign of unhealthy communication, and they can easily identify when you are being toxic or secretive with her.

So be genuine. Always tell the truth about how you feel, even if you don’t think she’ll appreciate it.

A true alpha female will prefer frank and upfront feedback, rather than deal with the small white lies and tense rooms.

3. Treat Her With Kindness and Respect

To be the best man for an alpha female, it helps to understand the kind of world she has to deal with every day.

She wants to achieve, to build, and to grow, but the world around her almost inherently puts her down at every turn.

She is accustomed to being looked over and underestimated just because she’s a woman, and so she’s ready to react negatively whenever she feels that someone might be doing that to her.

So be open and obvious with your kindness and respect for her.

Really prove to her that you believe in her, that you think highly of her, and that she has all your confidence.

If you can convince an alpha female that you are her rock, then she’ll open up to you in ways that she won’t (and can’t) with anyone else.

4. Validate Her Emotions

One problem an alpha female faces is shedding her “womanness” so that she can successfully navigate in a male-dominated world.

Women are constantly viewed as being emotional and hysterical, whereas men are calm and collected.

An alpha female is terrified of being the emotional woman stereotype, to the point that they’ll pretend they have no emotions at all.

So be her emotional home. Let her know that her emotions are real and that they matter.

5. Set and Respect Each Other’s Boundaries

An alpha female is usually not the type to be super clingy and lovey-dovey in the way you might be used to from your other relationships.

She will be more individually-focused, with her own hobbies, passion projects, and need for space.

And one reason she has probably avoided relationships in the past is that men wanted more from her than she could give, making them, unfortunately, incompatible.

Respect her need for boundaries.

Have clear conversations with her about what she expects from a relationship, and what she expects you to understand.

She’ll enjoy defining those exact lines with you, and she’ll realize that you might be the partner she wants to end up with.

6. Be Emotionally Flexible With Her

Just because she’s an amazing, confident, successful woman doesn’t mean she’ll be perfect all the time.

She’ll need ways to let it all out, to vent her annoyances and issues and all the things on her mind.

Remember: she got to where she is today because she’s an assertive and competitive woman, and that will sometimes seep into your relationship.

So try to be understanding when she can’t always control herself.

If she’s slightly irrational from time to time and turns a tiny issue into a major fight, let it pass.

Once the emotions subside, she’ll know what happened and will do everything she can to make it up to you. Just don’t let the relationship explode during those little hiccups.

7. Admire Her, and Never Compete With Her

There’s one thing you can do to make your alpha female want to run out the door and never see you again: compete with her in a toxic, masculine way.

Don’t be just one of the many men in her life who has shown that he can’t handle being with a strong, independent, successful woman.

Especially a woman who has her own achievements, and whose achievements are probably grander and more impressive than their own.

Too many men can’t handle the fact that their partner shines brighter than they do, and showing signs of that is the quickest way to screw up your relationship.

Don’t let her success make you feel intimidated or emasculated; be proud of her, admire her, and show her that you can be the support system she needs to reach her true potential.

8. Be Understanding Of Her Time

She’s busy, and you knew that when you asked her out on your first date.

Just because you’re “official” with her now doesn’t mean she’s suddenly going to have a mountain of time to spend with you, and it’s unfair of you to ask her for that.

Don’t ever assume that she’s free.

Give her the respect of assuming that her day, week, or month are busy, and ask before you make any plans with her.

If you start demanding her time when she can’t give it, you will start feeling like just another obligation on her mind, rather than a boyfriend or partner.

And nobody can love an obligation the way they would love a relationship.

9. Accept Her Individuality Without Suspicion

Maybe you’ve had bad experiences in the past, where a partner cheated on you or lied to you and you found out in the worst possible way, but don’t bring that baggage with you into this new relationship with your alpha female.

Remember: an alpha female is a strong and independent individual, and she will often do things that have nothing to do with you.

She will know people and regularly interact with people you might never even meet.

And none of those (alone) are reason enough to suspect her of any kind of infidelity.

If you start accusing her of sleeping with other men just because she had to spend the whole night working at the office, she might never forgive you, because you’re getting in the way of her work.

10. Truly Listen To Her

Don’t ever make the mistake of assuming you know what she’s thinking.

If she’s talking about something, chances are, she’s already thought about it a lot more than you.

As an alpha female, she is very sensitive to people talking over her and responding without actually listening, so be the one man in her life who actually takes the time to listen.

Listen. Hear her out. Understand her point of view.

And accept that she has needs that you might not be filling properly, but she’s talking to you because she’s giving you the chance to adapt and to become the person she needs.

11. Grow With Her

Alpha women aren’t the type to dream about finding the perfect man and settling down with a house and kids.

They don’t even think about their future because they like to imagine limitless possibilities, meaning they never really truly envision who might be standing next to them at the finish line (if anyone is there at all).

So how do you truly lock down a woman who doesn’t want to be locked down?

Show her that being with you doesn’t mean being locked down at all.

Show her that you are willing to grow just as much as she will, and that your finish line will be just as amazing as hers.

Give her the confidence that you are a partner who will motivate her, not pull her down, and she will give you her heart forever.

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Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 15 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. Check out my latest book on the Hidden Secrets of Buddhism and How it Saved My Life. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Facebook or Twitter.

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