In the journey of self-improvement, there’s a critical lesson to learn: certain things you should never count on others to do for you.
This isn’t about being independent to the point of isolation. It’s about understanding that some tasks and responsibilities should remain firmly in your grasp for your wellbeing and growth.
Psychology provides evidence on why this is crucial. And trust me, being aware of these nine things can be a game changer.
Let’s dive in.
1) Building your self-esteem
Ah, self-esteem. It’s something we all need, yet it’s one of the trickiest things to cultivate and maintain.
According to psychology, self-esteem should come from within, not from the validation or approval of others.
Often, we find ourselves relying on people around us for that feel-good factor. We seek their praises and compliments to boost our self-confidence. But, let me tell you, this can be quite a dangerous path.
Why? Because when we rely on others for our own self-esteem, we give them the control over how we feel about ourselves. And that’s not healthy or sustainable.
Your self-esteem should be based on your achievements, your values, and how you see yourself. Not on what others think of you.
Remember this: You’re in charge of your own self-worth. Don’t let anyone else hold the reins.
2) Making important life decisions
Navigating through life is a series of choices. From choosing a career path, deciding where to live, to even selecting a partner – these are all crucial decisions that shape our lives.
While it’s perfectly okay to seek advice or opinions, these decisions should ultimately be made by you.
Let me share a personal example. A few years ago, I was faced with a major career decision. I had an offer for a high-paying job in a city that I didn’t particularly like, and another offer for a lower-paying job in a city I loved.
I received all sorts of advice. Friends said, “Take the money!” My family said, “Quality of life is more important!” It was overwhelming.
But when I took a moment to listen to myself, I realized what I truly wanted: To enjoy my work environment and love where I lived. So, I took the lower-paying job and moved to the city I loved.
And guess what? It was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.
3) Prioritizing your health
Your health – both physical and mental – should always be a top priority. It’s something you cannot and should not delegate to others.
Sure, doctors, therapists, trainers, and nutritionists can provide guidance. But, it’s ultimately up to you to implement healthy habits into your daily routine.
Did you know that according to the American Heart Association, just 30 minutes of moderate exercise five days a week can significantly improve your heart health and reduce the risk of heart disease?
So, whether it’s cooking healthy meals, going for a daily walk or run, getting regular health check-ups, or finding ways to manage stress – these are things only you can do for yourself.
Your health is in your hands. Take charge.
4) Maintaining your personal relationships
Relationships are the backbone of our social lives. Be it friends, family, or romantic relationships, they all require effort and attention.
It’s easy to fall into the trap of relying on others to maintain your relationships. Maybe you count on your spouse to keep in touch with your in-laws, or you let a friend organize all your get-togethers.
But here’s the thing: these are your relationships. It’s essential for you to put in the effort to maintain them.
Making a phone call, sending a text, planning a meet-up – these are small actions that can have a huge impact on the health of your relationships.
Don’t rely on others to do it for you. Make an effort and nurture your relationships yourself.
5) Setting personal boundaries
Boundaries are like invisible lines that define what you are comfortable with and what you aren’t. They are your way of communicating to others what they can expect from you, and what you won’t tolerate.
Though it may seem easier to let others set boundaries for you, it’s not healthy. You are the best judge of your comfort levels and needs.
If you feel uncomfortable with something, speak up. If you need some space, make it clear. If something is not acceptable to you, let it be known.
Remember, setting personal boundaries is not about being selfish or rude. It’s about self-care and respect. You owe it to yourself to set your own limits.
Don’t rely on others to do it for you. Establish your boundaries and stand by them.
6) Managing your emotions
Emotions are a deeply personal aspect of our lives, and one of the most important things you should manage on your own.
Feeling sad, angry, happy, or anxious – these are all natural emotions. It’s not wrong to share them with others or seek comfort. But, it’s crucial to remember that nobody else can truly feel or manage your emotions for you.
It’s like trying to explain the taste of chocolate to someone who’s never had it. They may understand the concept, but they can’t truly know the experience.
So, when you’re feeling down, it’s okay to lean on others for support. But also take time to understand and process those feelings yourself. It’s a journey only you can take.
Learning to manage your own emotions is a vital part of personal growth and emotional health. Remember, it’s okay to feel and it’s okay to lean on others, but don’t rely on them to manage your feelings for you.
7) Pursuing your passions
Passions – those things that ignite a spark within you, that make you lose track of time, that bring you pure joy. They’re incredibly personal, and they’re something you should never rely on others to pursue for you.
I’ve always loved writing. As a child, I’d scribble stories in my notebook late into the night. But as I got older, life got busier and I stopped writing.
One day, a friend said she missed my stories. She encouraged me to start writing again, but I kept putting it off. It wasn’t until I realized that I missed writing for myself that I picked up my pen again.
Now, I write every day. Not because someone else wants me to, but because it brings me joy.
Your passions are yours alone. Don’t wait for someone else to push you towards them. Embrace them and make time for them, because they’re a part of who you are.
8) Taking responsibility for your actions
Taking responsibility for your actions is an integral part of adulthood and personal growth. Nobody else can or should take the blame for the choices you make.
If you make a mistake, own up to it. If you achieve something, take credit for it. Your actions are yours alone and the repercussions, whether good or bad, should be shouldered by you.
This doesn’t mean you can’t seek help or advice when needed. But remember, the final decision and its consequences rest with you.
Avoid passing the buck. Stand up to your decisions. It’s a sign of maturity and strength.
9) Discovering your purpose in life
Your life’s purpose, your personal mission, your calling – whatever you name it, it’s something only you can discover for yourself.
It’s the driving force behind your life, the reason you get up in the morning, the goal that gives your life meaning.
Others can guide you, inspire you, or share their own journeys. But your purpose is just that – yours. It’s a path you carve for yourself, a journey only you can embark on.
So, listen to your heart, explore your interests, face your fears. Unearth that hidden treasure within you, because finding your purpose can truly transform your life.
Final thoughts: The power of self-reliance
Navigating through life is a journey filled with twists, turns, ups, and downs. At the heart of this journey is you – your decisions, your feelings, your growth.
The nine points we’ve discussed in this article all lead back to one crucial concept: self-reliance.
Renowned psychologist Abraham Maslow once said, “The only happy people I know are the ones who are working well at something they consider important.”
This quote beautifully sums up the essence of self-reliance. It’s about ownership of your life – your emotions, decisions, responsibilities, passions, and purpose.
Remember, while others can support you, guide you, and influence you, it’s ultimately up to you to steer the ship of your life.
So as you reflect on these words and begin to put them into practice, know that the power to shape your life rests in your hands. It always has. It always will.
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