9 signs you’re dealing with a fake nice person, according to psychology

Navigating social interactions can be tricky. You meet all kinds of people, some genuinely nice and others… not so much.

Here’s the thing – some people are masters at disguising their true nature. They might seem like the nicest person you’ve ever met, but in reality, they’re anything but.

But how can you tell the difference? Psychology has some answers.

There are certain telltale signs that you’re dealing with a fake nice person. And once you know what to look for, you’ll be much better equipped to separate the real from the phony.

Ready to get started? Here are 9 psychological signs that you’re dealing with a fake nice person.

1) They’re overly sweet

Ever met someone who was just too nice? You know, the kind of person who showers you with compliments, always has a huge smile on their face, and never seems to have a bad day.

Psychology tells us that this could be a sign of a fake nice person.

True kindness is not about being perpetually cheerful or pleasing everyone around you. It’s about being honest, empathetic, and real.

But fake nice people often overdo the sweetness. It’s like they’re trying to sell you on their niceness.

Beware of those who seem to be laying it on too thick. Genuine people don’t need to constantly prove how kind they are. It comes naturally to them.

So if you meet someone who seems too sweet to be true, they just might be.

2) They’re inconsistent

I remember being friends with someone who would do anything for me one day, but then act like we barely knew each other the next.

This inconsistency was confusing and hurtful.

According to psychology, if someone’s behavior towards you fluctuates drastically, they may not be as nice as they seem. Genuine people are consistent in their actions and behavior. They don’t change their colors based on situation or company.

This friend would be extremely kind and generous when we were alone, but in a group, it was like I didn’t exist. It didn’t take long to realize that their niceness was a façade.

Inconsistency in behavior can be a big red flag. So watch out for people who are warm one moment and cold the next – they might not be the genuine friend they appear to be.

3) They gossip a lot

Gossip can be a bonding tool, but it can also be a weapon. In fact, a study found that negative gossip can literally change the way we see other people, causing us to associate negative traits with them automatically.

A fake nice person often uses gossip as a tool. They’ll share secrets, spread rumors and talk about others behind their backs, all under the guise of being friendly and interested.

This isn’t just unpleasant behavior – it’s a sign of someone who is not genuinely kind.

True kindness means respecting others, even when they’re not around. It means avoiding hurtful talk and focusing on positive interactions instead.

So if someone seems overly interested in the lives of others and always has some juicy gossip to share, be wary. Their niceness might just be a mask for their need to spread negativity.

4) They lack empathy

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. It’s a key ingredient in any healthy relationship and a core characteristic of genuinely nice people.

Fake nice people, however, often lack empathy. They may appear caring and understanding on the surface, but when it comes down to truly understanding your feelings or being there for you in times of need, they fall short.

They often focus on themselves and their own needs rather than considering the feelings or perspectives of others. This self-centered behavior is often masked by their outwardly friendly demeanor, making it difficult to spot at first.

Remember, true kindness involves empathy. If someone consistently fails to show empathy towards you and others, this could be a sign that their niceness isn’t genuine.

5) They’re rarely the first to reach out

Connections between people are typically maintained through a mutual effort. You make plans, they make plans, you check up on them, they check up on you – it’s a two-way street.

However, with fake nice people, you might notice that you’re always the one making the effort. You’re the one initiating conversations, making plans, or checking in. And when they do respond, it’s usually with enthusiasm and friendliness.

But here’s the catch. If they were genuinely interested and cared about you, wouldn’t they also take the initiative to keep the relationship going?

If you find yourself constantly being the first to reach out, take it as a sign. Genuine people value their relationships and make an effort to maintain them. If someone is always waiting for you to make the first move, their niceness might just be a show.

6) They’re dismissive of your feelings

It’s a wonderful feeling when someone acknowledges your emotions, validates your feelings, and shows genuine concern for your well-being. It makes you feel seen, understood, and valued.

But a fake nice person often lacks this ability. They may dismiss your feelings as unimportant or overreacted, leaving you feeling unheard and invalidated. This behavior is not only hurtful but also indicative of their lack of genuine care and empathy.

Remember, everyone’s feelings are valid and deserve to be acknowledged. If someone constantly dismisses your feelings or belittles your experiences, it could be a sign that their niceness is merely a façade.

In the end, genuine kindness means respecting and acknowledging the feelings of others, even if they differ from our own.

7) They’re only around in good times

Once, I had a friend who was always there for the laughs and the fun. We had a great time together when things were going well. But when life took a rough turn, they were nowhere to be found.

Life isn’t always a party. There are ups and downs, and during those down times, we often need our friends the most.

Genuine people will stick by your side not only during the fun times but also during the tough ones. They’re there to lend an ear when you need it, offer advice when asked, and provide comfort in hard times.

But a fake nice person? They often disappear when things get tough. Their niceness is conditional, dependent on the situation.

If someone is only around when life is smooth sailing but vanishes at the first sign of trouble, it’s a clear sign that their niceness might not be as genuine as it seems.

8) They often play the victim

We all face challenges and difficulties in life. However, one key sign of a fake nice person is their tendency to constantly play the victim.

They’ll twist situations to make themselves appear as the innocent party, even when they’re not. This allows them to gain sympathy and attention, while also avoiding responsibility for their actions.

Playing the victim can be manipulative and damaging. It’s a way of controlling others and shifting blame instead of addressing issues directly.

Genuine people take responsibility for their actions and don’t resort to playing the victim. They understand that everyone makes mistakes and it’s important to learn and grow from them.

If you notice someone frequently playing the victim, be wary. Their niceness may be a cover for manipulative behavior.

9) They use flattery to win you over

If someone always has a compliment at the ready, it can feel great – at first. But over time, you might start to wonder if their flattery is genuine or just a tactic to win you over.

Flattery is a classic tool of the fake nice person. They use it to make you feel good about yourself, to make you like them, and to get what they want.

But here’s the thing. Genuine compliments are based on truth and sincerity. They’re given without expectation of something in return.

If someone’s compliments feel insincere or if they’re always flattering you with no real reason, it could be a sign that their niceness isn’t genuine.

Remember, true kindness doesn’t need to be buttered up with constant flattery. It stands on its own.

Ava Sinclair

Ava Sinclair is a former competitive athlete who transitioned into the world of wellness and mindfulness. Her journey through the highs and lows of competitive sports has given her a unique perspective on resilience and mental toughness. Ava’s writing reflects her belief in the power of small, daily habits to create lasting change.

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