9 signs someone is actually not a good person (even if they seem nice)

It’s true, not everyone who smiles at you is your friend.

Sometimes, people seem nice on the surface, but their actions reveal a different story. They may be harboring less-than-noble intentions behind their friendly façade.

Deciphering the difference between genuinely good people and those who are just pretending can be tricky. However, there are certain signs that can give away the truth.

In this article, we’ll explore nine signs that someone might not be as pleasant as they appear to be. It’s all about learning to read between the lines, folks.

Just remember: appearances can be deceiving. 

Let’s dive in. 

1) They constantly play the victim

We’ve all met those people who are perpetually caught in a cycle of misfortune – or so they’d have you believe.

These individuals seem to be constantly under the cosh, always blaming others for their problems, and never taking responsibility for their own actions. It’s as if the world is conspiring against them.

But here’s the catch: it’s rarely true. More often than not, these perpetual victims are simply avoiding accountability for their actions.

Playing the victim can be a powerful manipulation technique. It evokes sympathy and deflects blame. However, it’s not a quality found in genuinely good people.

Good people acknowledge their mistakes and learn from them. They don’t hide behind a façade of victimhood.

When you come across someone who seems to be in a perpetual state of crisis, take a step back and consider whether they might be manipulating the situation to avoid taking responsibility. Because remember, everyone has bad days, but not everyone is a perpetual victim.

2) They’re frequently insincere

I’ll never forget an old colleague of mine. She always greeted everyone with a bright smile and warm words. On the surface, she seemed like the sweetest person.

But as I got to know her better, I began to see a pattern. Her compliments were often backhanded, and she had this knack for turning even the most positive conversations into negative ones. It was subtle, but once I noticed it, I couldn’t unsee it.

For example, she would say things like “Your presentation was so much better than last time” or “You’re so brave for wearing that outfit.” At first glance, these may seem like compliments. But if you look closer, there’s an underlying negative tone.

Being insincere is a big red flag when it comes to judging a person’s character. Genuine people offer sincere compliments and constructive criticism. They don’t use their words as veiled attacks.

3) They’re always taking, never giving

Relationships, whether they’re romantic, platonic, or professional, should ideally be a two-way street. This means there’s a healthy exchange of support, assistance, and kindness.

However, some people don’t play by these rules. They’re always on the receiving end, but hardly ever reciprocate. They take advantage of others’ generosity without returning the favor.

This behavior isn’t just selfish – it’s parasitic. And according to research in evolutionary biology, parasitic behaviors are generally viewed as unethical or immoral in social living organisms, including humans.

Good people understand the value of give and take. They appreciate the kindness bestowed upon them and make a point to return it. If you come across someone who is always on the take and never on the give, it’s worth reevaluating their place in your life.

4) They don’t respect boundaries

Respecting others’ boundaries is a fundamental aspect of being a good person. It shows that you value their personal space, feelings, and decisions.

However, some folks seem to have a hard time acknowledging this. They repeatedly cross lines, despite being told not to. They pry into private matters, insist on things that make you uncomfortable, or disrespect your time and space.

This kind of behavior is a clear sign of disregard for your feelings and rights. Good people understand and respect the concept of personal boundaries.

5) They’re quick to judge others

We’re all guilty of making snap judgments from time to time. But there’s a difference between an occasional lapse and a consistent pattern of judgmental behavior.

Some people seem to have a knack for jumping to conclusions about others. They make assumptions, criticize, and belittle without taking the time to understand the full picture.

This kind of behavior reveals a lack of empathy and consideration. Good people strive to understand and accept others rather than judge them hastily.

6) They’re never genuinely happy for others

One of the most beautiful qualities in a good person is their ability to feel genuine happiness for others. Seeing someone else’s success brings them joy, not envy.

But not everyone shares this quality. Some people struggle to celebrate others’ accomplishments, often downplaying them or finding ways to shift the focus back onto themselves.

This inability to share in others’ joy can be revealing of a person’s true character. It suggests a lack of empathy and a possibly deep-seated insecurity.

Because at the end of the day, a good person rejoices in the happiness and success of others.

7) They hold grudges

Years ago, I had a misunderstanding with a friend. It was nothing major, a simple disagreement that we both should have moved on from. But he didn’t. He held on to the grudge, letting it fester and poison our friendship.

Grudges are like a heavy stone that you carry around with you everywhere. They weigh you down and prevent you from moving forward. The worst part is, they often hurt the person holding the grudge more than anyone else.

Good people understand that mistakes happen and that forgiveness is a virtue. They don’t let past wrongs dictate their current relationships.

It’s a sign that they might not be as good-hearted as they portray themselves to be.

8) They’re always trying to one-up others

Healthy competition can motivate us to improve and grow. But there’s a line between friendly rivalry and incessant one-upmanship.

Some people can’t stand to let others have their moment. They always have to do better, be smarter, or appear more successful. It’s as if life is a constant competition for them, and they always need to come out on top.

This behavior often stems from insecurity and a need for validation. Good people, on the other hand, are secure in their worth and don’t feel the need to constantly outshine others.

After all, a truly good person knows that life isn’t a competition but a journey we’re all taking together.

9) They’re unkind to those who can’t benefit them

This, perhaps, is the most telling sign of all. Some people are only kind and generous to those who can offer them something in return. To those who can’t, they show a very different side.

This selective kindness is not a mark of a good person. Genuine goodness does not discriminate. It’s extended to everyone, regardless of their status or what they can offer in return.

At the end of the day, how you treat people who can do nothing for you defines your character more than anything else.

Final thoughts: True goodness is consistent

The nature of human character is complex and multi-faceted. It’s not always easy to discern the truly good from those who merely put on a good show.

However, one thing remains clear – true goodness is consistent. It doesn’t discriminate or fluctuate based on circumstances. It shows up in how people treat others, whether they can benefit from them or not. It’s reflected in their ability to take responsibility, respect boundaries, and celebrate others’ successes.

As the ancient Greek philosopher Aristotle once said, “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.” The same can be said about goodness.

So as you navigate your relationships and interactions, keep these signs in mind. They might just help you separate the genuinely good people from those who merely seem nice. After all, understanding these nuances of human behavior is a crucial part of navigating this journey we call life.