So you’re dating a strong and independent woman and you’re wondering how in the hell you’re going to handle her.
She’s forthright, she’s strong, she’s smart. She’s basically everything a mature man would want in a woman.
But she also has high standards when it comes to relationships.
And her strength can be intimidating to even the most alpha of males.
So if you’re going to make the relationship work with a strong woman, then you’re going to have to step up to the plate and be all the man that you can be.
It’s easier said than done, but in this article, we’re going to go through some of the most effective tips to handle a strong woman in a relationship.
If you follow these tips to a T, not only will you create a stronger relationship but you’ll also become a better man in the process.
Before we talk about what you need to do to handle a strong woman in a relationship, let’s talk about why most men can’t handle a strong woman.
Why some men struggle to date a strong woman: 9 reasons
Sure, most mature guys want to date a strong woman. Her authenticity, independence, and forthrightness are what men desire.
The problem? Most men simply can’t handle her.
For these 9 reasons:
1) They’re intimidating
Most men can’t approach intimidating women without losing confidence.
And if they do muster up the courage to approach, they struggle in the conversation because they can’t handle her intellect and ability to think for herself.
She won’t fall for your ‘routines’ that works on other girls.
The truth is, a strong woman hasn’t got time for games or fake smiling. She is who she is and she won’t make apologies.
2) They thrive on their own independence
Thanks to evolution, men have this inbuilt instinct to be the protector of women. It plays to their ego and makes them feel like a real man.
But a strong woman doesn’t “need’ a guy to look after her. She has her own life on lock.
That doesn’t mean she doesn’t want cuddles or help. She just needs to do things her own way, which can damage a guy’s self-esteem.
3) They sniff jerks from a mile away
If your intentions aren’t pure, she’ll sniff your shit from a mile away and kick your advances to the curb.
She’s not a sex object. She’s not fuel for your broken ego to repair itself.
She’s a human being and she demands respect. Jerks simply don’t have a chance.
4) She’ll call out your BS
Let’s be honest, most guys spit some bullshit when they’re trying to pick up a woman. After all, they’ve gone through too many rejections to just “be themselves”.
5) They’re different to other women
Most guys develop routines when they’re trying to pick women. They’ll say the same jokes and stories that worked the last time they were successful.
But this won’t work on a strong woman.
They value kindness, respect and authenticity. They don’t care how “cool” society thinks you are.
6) They’re picky
A strong woman knows her worth and will only choose a man that adds to her life. She won’t fall to societal pressure on what type of man she “should” be with.
Her life is great as it is, so it’s going to take a pretty special man to make it better.
7) They’re passionate and intense
Men love to be in control. But the passion a strong women possesses means they’re going to struggle to keep a handle on her.
Strong women know exactly what they want in life and they won’t buckle to any kind of pressure from outside forces.
A man has two choices. Get on board with a female-led relationship or move the hell away.’
If you’re able to get on board with what she’s about, then she’ll be totally into you.
8) They’re way more emotionally mature than others
She’s got a handle on her emotions and she knows how to control them. If she thinks you’re a bad guy, she’ll put a stop to her lustful feelings and label you as rubbish.
True love is rare and she knows it only comes around every so often.
9) They’re searching for that deep love
Yes, they can be intimidating because of their strong personalities, but they will always love deeply.
They’re searching for that special connection that makes their heart flourish. The problem? Most men aren’t comfortable with going that deep.
Alright so now you know what NOT to do when dating a strong woman, let’s talk about what you need to do to make the relationship work with a strong woman.
How to handle a strong woman: 8 essential tips
- Image credit: Shutterstock – By InnerVisionPRO
1) You need to be secure in yourself
Are you the kind of guy who constantly needs reassurance or validation from the woman he is dating?
Always second-guessing your decisions? Overthinking minuscule issues?
These behaviors won’t cut it with a strong woman.
Strong women know what they want and they won’t second-guess themselves to get it.
After all, she’s confident in her decisions and backs herself until the cows come home.
A strong woman wants exactly the same in her man.
Yes, she probably loves you and will always be there for you, but she won’t constantly remind you of that just to make you feel better.
So don’t act needy and clingy for affection all the time just for the sake of it. Pity love ain’t her steez.
You can still show her affection when it’s called for, but there is always a time and place for it. Don’t be all over her when you’re in public and socializing with others.
She’ll feel trapped and trapped is the last feeling an independent woman wants to experience.
The good news?
If you only show her affection when you genuinely mean it and when the moment calls for it, she’ll really appreciate it when you give it.
And it’s the same for her. When she does show you affection, at least you know she’ll mean it.
A strong woman values honesty and authenticity.
So be honest with your affection, and don’t be needy or clingy. That’ll totally turn her off.
So the question is, how can you stop being clingy in a relationship?
It’s a big topic, and I’ve written a guide on how to stop being clingy here.
But the main point is to realize that you don’t want to rely on her for your happiness and fulfillment in life.
That’s unhealthy and you’ll become highly insecure and fearful of losing her because you haven’t got much else going on in your life.
And it places too much pressure and responsibility on her. To stop being too clingy, here are some points to consider:
1) You need to learn to trust her
2) You need to set boundaries. Spending alone time, or time away from each other will actually balance out your life.
3) Don’t be all over her in public. Dial it back.
4) Have other goals and hobbies in your life.
5) Make friends outside of your girlfriend.
6) Don’t get sensitive when she tells you that she won’t be able to see you on Saturday. If she’s an ambitious independent woman, it’s likely that she has sh*t to do and people to meet.
7) Less phone time: If there are usually more messages and texts from you to her than the other way round, then pull back until it’s more balanced.
2) Have goals and dreams
Do you have ambition for the future? Do you have goals for the future and things you want to achieve?
Because I can guarantee you that a strong woman will.
Whether it’s moving up in her career or expanding her business, she’ll likely have the ambition to move up a social rung or 2.
Now I’m not saying that you have to be motivated to make more money. A strong and independent woman wouldn’t expect that.
But it’s important to have some sort of purpose or passion in life. Strong women love a man with passion and purpose.
Why do you think women love musicians? Passion.
You don’t need to be a famous sports star or musician, though. You just need to have some sort of purpose.
What are you working towards? Having a goal that’s bigger than yourself is extremely attractive to any lady.
3) Listen to her
A strong woman is outspoken. She’ll have opinions and thoughts about many issues.
She wants to be respected and listened to when she expresses them. She wants her opinions valued.
And if you’re not listening intently to every word she’s saying, you’ll come across as boring, cold, and heartless.
Think about what she’s saying. Ask questions. Because too many guys talk about themselves and forget to listen to their women because they think they know it all.
Women look up to a man who respects them and makes them feel comfortable.
It definitely takes practice to become a good listener and communicator but here are some tips to help you out:
- Put yourself in her shoes. Think about what she’s saying from their perspective.
- Avoid making assumptions or judgments as if you know better.
- Pay attention to her feelings as she’s talking.
- Talk to her back in their own words (empathetic reflection).
- Look into her eyes as she’s speaking.
- Acknowledge that you’re listening by nodding or saying “uh-huh” or “yep”.
- If possible, summarize her comments if given a chance so you can better understand.
- Focus on fully taking in the message that she is trying to get across.
And when it comes to communication, it’s important to share your own feelings as well. I know, you’re a guy and you don’t share your feelings.
But if you’re honest with how you’re feeling and what you’re thinking, it’ll make the relationship easier on her part. There’s no second-guessing. She’ll know exactly where you stand.
4) Be kind and empathetic
There’s no getting around it:
A strong woman wants to feel secure with her man. And if you can’t understand what she’s going through and be kind to others, how will she feel comfortable in your arms?
So be kind. Show compassion. Be there for her.
It’s pretty simple, but a lot of people get lost in their own problems and forget about what other people are going through.
Showing that you’re compassionate, empathetic, and kind is a huge turn on to a lot of women, especially a strong one.
5) Don’t look down on her or treat her as anything less than equal
This is not the 1960s anymore. Men and women are equal and you need to treat them with respect, dignity, and kindness.
Don’t expect her to cook and clean for you. That won’t fly with a strong woman. She’ll kick you to the curb before she has a chance to tell you “thanks for stopping by”.
If you’re going to make a relationship work with a strong woman, then you need to see her exactly as she is – an equal.
This means listening to her opinions, respecting her thoughts, and helping her when she’s in need of help.
Never assume that you know better and that you can’t learn anything from her.
There’s a lot you can learn from a strong woman, and the more you recognize that the more you’ll learn about life.
You’ll also appreciate having someone with such a strong personality with a lot of good qualities in your life.
6) Support her from the sidelines
Whatever a strong woman is aiming to achieve in her life, make sure that you support her and encourage her to be all that she can be.
As Mark Twain once said:
“Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.”
So whatever she is trying to accomplish in her life, cheer her on. Be her number one supporter.
And it’s also important to be interested in what those goals are as well. Really listen when she talks about them and offer advice.
This goes for any relationship really, not just a relationship with a strong woman. Being supportive of each other in a relationship gets rid of competition and toxic energy in the relationship.
It may seem simple, but I’ve seen many couples put each other down without even realizing it.
Because they’re constantly trying to one-up each other, which leads to resentment and bitterness.
There doesn’t need to be competition. A relationship where you support each other with your own goals is much more healthy and fulfilling. There’s more room for positive growth as well.
Women are stronger than ever and are living independent lives of their own accord. That doesn’t mean they don’t want to be in meaningful relationships, and that doesn’t mean that they don’t need someone’s shoulder to cry on once in a while.
Strong women need strong men to be by their side, and in today’s society, it can be hard to find someone who will stand beside you when the going gets tough.
Always be there for her when she needs help and give her space when she needs it.
Support doesn’t always come in the form of hand-holding: sometimes women need their space, and a good man knows when to let you have it.
7) Don’t forget to have fun with her
A strong and independent woman sometimes takes life a little too seriously. They’re generally ambitious, always out to achieve something.
This is the same with your relationship. She may forget to laugh and have fun.
But having fun is important for any relationship.
It’s vital that you don’t allow your relationship to end up being just about sensible nights in and saving for the future.
This isn’t an either/or kind of choice at all.
You know that famous breakup phrase “I love you but I’m not in love with you”?
What that often really means is “we don’t do fun stuff together anymore”.
Having fun together is part of the fabric of a relationship. It is a big part of what binds you together.
So try to organize fun dates with each other. Go ten pin bowling, take it her out for a random weekend away to the beach.
If it’s not happening naturally and she seems to be always busy, then you need to set up some sort of schedule to make sure it happens.
Maybe a regular Saturday night date, or a Sunday movie, or just a hot night in once in a while.
Whatever works for you.
8) Make plans for the future
Without plans, relationships stagnate. If you have no plans, you have no destination. And without a destination, your journey quickly becomes stale.
Trust me when I say, a strong woman needs some sort of assurance for the future. If not, she’ll feel like this relationship isn’t really going anywhere.
If you’re at the beginning of the relationship, this might not pertain to you as much.
That’s fine, when you’re at the start of your relationship, you want to live in the moment and spend your time getting excited about next Saturday night date.
But as time goes on, it’s important to have some longer-term goals.
Your goal might just be to plan a holiday or it might mean marriage and kids. The goals will shift as your relationship develops.
The important thing is to make sure that they shift at a similar rate and in a similar direction for both of you.
This is where being honest about goals and the future is important.
You don’t want to put off talks like this to only disappoint her in the future. A strong woman won’t appreciate that. This especially true if you’re in your 30s.
Making plans together is a way of making sure that your long-term relationship is moving in the right direction for you both.
If you’re talking about holidays and she’s talking about babies, then it’s time to have an honest discussion.
Don’t wait until you’re worried and stressed. If you’re not on the same page, you need to deal with it sooner rather than later.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.