Lachlan Brown
Low self-esteem can be a tricky beast. It’s something that can sneak up on us, subtly influencing our actions and behaviors in ways we may not even realize.
As Hack Spirit’s founder and a mindfulness enthusiast, I’ve studied these patterns extensively. And what I’ve found is that there are specific cues that reveal when low self-esteem is pulling the strings.
Let’s delve into the eight things you might be doing because of low self-esteem without even knowing it. It’s time to shine a light on those hidden habits and start living a more self-aware life.
1. You’re constantly self-critical
Low self-esteem is often marked by a relentless internal critic. You may find yourself constantly berating your actions, doubting your decisions, or harshly judging your appearance.
This internal dialogue can be so consistent that you might not even realize it’s happening. It becomes a sort of background noise, subtly influencing your behavior and shaping the way you see yourself.
The problem is, this constant self-criticism doesn’t serve you. In fact, it can be deeply damaging, reinforcing negative beliefs and feeding into a cycle of low self-esteem.
2. You’re always saying sorry
This is something I’ve noticed in myself. When my self-esteem was at its lowest, I found myself apologizing for everything. I’d say sorry for things that weren’t my fault, or even for simply expressing an opinion.
It was as though I felt I was constantly in the wrong, or that my thoughts and feelings were somehow less valid than those of others.
But here’s the thing: constantly apologizing when you’ve done nothing wrong can reinforce the belief that you’re always at fault. It can feed into that cycle of low self-esteem and make it even harder to break free.
3. You’re afraid of speaking up
Low self-esteem can often make us feel as though our thoughts and opinions aren’t worth sharing. We may hesitate to speak up in conversations or meetings, fearing that others will judge or dismiss what we have to say.
I’ve seen this pattern in many people I’ve worked with, and even experienced it myself at times. It’s a common sign of low self-esteem, but it’s also one that can be overcome.
In my book, Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego, I explore techniques for cultivating confidence and assertiveness, drawing on ancient Buddhist wisdom to help readers find their voice.
Remember, your thoughts and opinions are valid and valuable. Don’t let low self-esteem silence you.
4. You’re a people pleaser
When you have low self-esteem, you may find yourself going out of your way to please others, often at the expense of your own needs and wellbeing. This is because you may rely heavily on external validation to feel good about yourself.
Psychologists call this ‘people pleasing syndrome’, which is characterized by constantly seeking approval from others. You might agree with others even when you disagree, say yes when you want to say no, or do things you don’t want to do just to avoid conflict.
However, this pattern can be exhausting and doesn’t lead to genuine self-worth. It’s important to recognize that your worth isn’t determined by others’ opinions of you.
5. You’re overly humble
Humility is generally considered a virtue, but when it’s driven by low self-esteem, it can actually hold you back.
You might find yourself downplaying your achievements, deflecting compliments, or shying away from the spotlight even when you deserve recognition. This isn’t genuine humility; it’s actually a symptom of feeling unworthy.
While it might seem counter-intuitive, embracing your accomplishments and accepting praise when it’s due can be a powerful way to boost your self-esteem.
6. You’re always comparing yourself to others
Comparing ourselves to others is a trap that many of us fall into, especially in this era of social media. When you have low self-esteem, the comparisons can become more frequent and more damaging.
You might find yourself constantly measuring your success against that of others, feeling inadequate when someone else achieves something, or feeling envious of others’ life situations.
But remember, everyone’s path is unique and we all have our own strengths and weaknesses. Instead of comparing yourself to others, try to focus on your own growth and progress.
7. You’re constantly seeking perfection
Perfectionism is another common sign of low self-esteem. You might feel like everything you do has to be perfect, and any small mistake or flaw feels like a catastrophic failure.
This was the case when writing my first book. I would spend hours obsessing over a single sentence, convinced that it wasn’t good enough. This constant quest for perfection was exhausting and ultimately unproductive.
But it’s important to remember that perfection is an illusion. We all make mistakes and have flaws, and that’s okay. It’s part of being human.
8. You avoid challenges and risks
If you have low self-esteem, you might find yourself avoiding challenges or taking risks. This is often due to a fear of failure or rejection.
You might think, “Why bother trying if I’m just going to fail?” or “What if people laugh at me?” These thoughts can hold you back from pursuing your goals and living a fulfilling life.
But remember, failure and rejection are parts of life. They’re opportunities to learn and grow. Don’t let fear hold you back from reaching your full potential.
As the famous psychologist Albert Bandura once said, “In order to succeed, people need a sense of self-efficacy, to struggle together with resilience to meet the inevitable obstacles and inequities of life.”
Final thoughts: The journey to self-love
Recognizing and addressing low self-esteem is an important step in the journey towards self-love and acceptance. It’s about understanding your worth, valuing your own opinions, and realizing that you deserve happiness just like everyone else.
These behaviors we’ve discussed are not something to be ashamed of. They’re simply signposts, pointing towards areas we can work on to cultivate a healthier sense of self.
In my book, Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego, I delve more into practical strategies to overcome these patterns of low self-esteem, drawing on timeless Buddhist wisdom to guide readers towards a more confident and compassionate relationship with themselves.
It’s important to remember that this journey is not about achieving perfection, but about embracing our imperfections and learning to love ourselves as we are.
As Carl Rogers, one of the most influential psychologists of the 20th century, beautifully put it: “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”
So here’s to your journey of self-discovery and acceptance. Remember, you are enough just as you are.
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