8 things emotionally unavailable men say to avoid commitment

There’s a vast difference between being emotionally unavailable and simply avoiding commitment.

This difference lies in the words. Emotionally unavailable men have a knack for using certain phrases to dodge commitment while maintaining their allure.

However, being on the receiving end of these phrases isn’t as charming. It’s like a maze where you’re left chasing your own tail, questioning their intentions, and your sanity.

In this article, we’re going to unpack 8 things emotionally unavailable men say to avoid commitment. These phrases are their secret weapon, and it’s time we bring them to light. So brace yourself, because knowledge is power.

1) “I’m not ready for anything serious”

The elusive emotionally unavailable man has a knack for dodging commitment, and this phrase is their go-to. It’s a classic, almost clichéd, but its effectiveness is hard to deny.

This phrase serves as a protective shield. It creates a safe distance while still allowing them to enjoy the benefits of a relationship. You see, it gives the impression that they’re just not ready ‘yet’, leaving the door open for hope.

But here’s the kicker. When it comes to emotions, timing is rarely the issue. If they were genuinely invested, the concept of readiness would not be a constant roadblock.

So when you hear this phrase, it’s essential to understand that it’s less about timing and more about their emotional availability. And it’s crucial to remember that you cannot rush someone into readiness, nor should you wait indefinitely for their emotional clock to strike ‘ready’.

Remember, words are powerful tools, but they’re also smoke screens. It’s your job to see through them.

2) “I just need some space”

My personal encounter with this phrase was a real eye-opener. I was dating this guy for a few months, and everything seemed to be going well. But every time things started to get a bit more serious, he’d pull out the ‘need some space’ card.

At first, I respected his need for space. After all, we all need our ‘me time’. But as the pattern continued, I realized this was his way of avoiding any emotional depth.

“I just need some space” became his escape route whenever things started to feel too real or intimate. It was his way of maintaining control and keeping the relationship at arm’s length.

The truth is, emotionally available men also need their space but not as a means to escape commitment. They balance their personal space with the emotional depth of their relationships.

So remember, if “I just need some space” is a recurring theme in your relationship, it might be time to reassess your partner’s emotional availability.

3) “Let’s just see where this goes”

This phrase is a masterstroke in the emotionally unavailable man’s playbook. It’s a way of maintaining the status quo while avoiding any form of commitment.

“Let’s just see where this goes” gives the illusion of potential progress without promising anything concrete. It’s like an endless road trip with no destination in sight – exciting at first, but exhausting in the long run.

Interestingly, a study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that ambiguous relationship labels can lead to lower relationship satisfaction and increased stress. It suggests that the uncertainty associated with phrases like “let’s see where this goes” can do more harm than good.

In emotionally healthy relationships, partners communicate their intentions and expectations clearly. If you find yourself in a commitment limbo with a “let’s see where this goes” partner, it might be time to reevaluate.

4) “I have a lot going on right now”

We all have moments in life when things get a bit too much. Work stress, personal issues, or simply a busy schedule can sometimes take precedence over our relationships.

But when “I have a lot going on right now” becomes a constant refrain, it’s likely not about their hectic schedule. Instead, it’s another deflection technique used by emotionally unavailable men to avoid commitment.

Using this phrase allows them to maintain distance without seeming uninterested. It portrays them as victims of circumstance rather than active avoiders of commitment.

The key here is to observe if they’re consistently ‘busy’ only when it comes to progressing the relationship. Even the busiest of people make time for what truly matters to them.

Remember, we all have a lot going on, but it shouldn’t become a permanent roadblock in a relationship.

5) “I don’t want to ruin our friendship”

This phrase can tug at your heartstrings. After all, who wants to lose a good friend? But here’s the thing. This phrase is often a guise for emotionally unavailable men to dodge commitment while keeping you close.

“I don’t want to ruin our friendship” creates a dilemma where you’re left feeling guilty for wanting more. It’s a clever way of placing the blame on the relationship, instead of their inability to commit.

It’s painful because it exploits your fear of losing them altogether. But the truth is, a romantic relationship should enhance your existing bond, not destroy it.

So if you’re stuck in the ‘friend-zone’ with an emotionally unavailable man, remember that true love is about taking risks. And anyone genuinely interested in you will not let the fear of ruining a friendship stop them from exploring a deeper connection.

6) “I’m just enjoying being single”

Once, I was deeply invested in someone who would frequently use this phrase. It felt like a slap in the face every time. I began questioning my worth, wondering if I wasn’t good enough to change his ‘single and loving it’ stance.

“I’m just enjoying being single” is a clear message from an emotionally unavailable man that he’s not ready to let go of his independence. It’s an easy escape route that allows him to enjoy the perks of a relationship without the responsibilities that come with commitment.

This phrase made me realize that you can’t convince someone to be ready for a relationship. No matter how much you care for them, their emotional availability is not something you can control.

Remember, you deserve someone who not only enjoys being with you but is also excited about the idea of committing to you.

7) “I don’t believe in labels”

Ah, the infamous ‘label’ debate. It’s one of the most commonly used phrases by emotionally unavailable men to sidestep commitment.

“I don’t believe in labels” is a way of saying, “I don’t want to define our relationship.” It allows them to enjoy the emotional and physical intimacy of a relationship without acknowledging any responsibility towards it.

This phrase creates an illusion of freedom, making it seem like labels are the enemy. But in reality, labels provide clarity and ensure both partners are on the same page regarding their relationship status.

If you’re with someone who consistently avoids defining your relationship, it’s crucial to question whether they’re genuinely against labels or simply against committing to you. Remember, a committed relationship is not a trap, and labeling it should not feel like one.

8) “I’ve been hurt before”

This phrase can evoke sympathy and understanding because no one is immune to heartbreak. However, when an emotionally unavailable man uses it frequently, it’s often a way of justifying his reluctance to commit.

“I’ve been hurt before” shifts the focus from his inability to commit to his past pain, creating a wall around his emotions. While past experiences do shape our behavior, they shouldn’t become a permanent excuse for emotional unavailability.

The most crucial thing to understand here is that healing is a personal journey. You can support them, but you can’t mend their past hurts. And it’s not your responsibility to wait around until they’re ready to move past their previous experiences.

Remember, everyone has a history, but it should not dictate your present or future in a relationship.

Final thoughts: It’s about emotional availability

The complexities of human emotions and relationships often lead us down paths that require self-reflection and understanding.

In the context of emotionally unavailable men, it’s essential to remember that their reluctance to commit is less about you and more about their own emotional state.

Psychotherapist and author John Amodeo, PhD, says, “Emotional intimacy is not about over-sharing or losing our boundaries, but about being open and not being a mystery to our partner.”

When dealing with emotionally unavailable men, remember that you cannot change someone’s emotional availability. It’s a journey they must embark on themselves.

Whether it’s deciphering elusive phrases or managing your own emotions in the process, the underlying truth remains that you deserve a relationship where emotional availability is not a luxury but a given.

As you navigate such relationships, remember that your emotional well-being is paramount. And sometimes, walking away from emotional unavailability can be the most empowering decision you make.