8 signs that someone is actually a very self-centered person (even if they don’t realize it)

Self-centeredness can be a hard trait to spot, especially when someone doesn’t realize they’re guilty of it.

Understanding others is a key part of human interaction, but what happens when that interaction is with someone who is too focused on themselves?

Recognizing the signs of a self-centered person can help you navigate these tricky situations. So, let’s dive into the eight tell-tale signs that someone is actually a very self-centered person – they might not even know it themselves.

It’s not about judging, but understanding. And in the process, you might just learn something new about people and yourself!

1) They dominate conversations

We all know someone who loves the sound of their own voice a little too much.

Conversations should ideally be a two-way street. It’s a give and take where both parties are equally invested in the discussion. But when someone is self-centered, they have a tendency to dominate conversations.

It’s like being caught in a monologue rather than engaging in dialogue. The conversation revolves around them, their experiences, their achievements, their stories. You may notice that there’s little room left for anyone else to share or contribute.

This isn’t to say that they’re intentionally trying to hog the limelight. Often, they don’t even realize they’re doing it. But it’s one of the surefire signs that someone is more self-centered than they might believe.

2) They rarely show genuine interest in others

I’ve noticed this trait in a friend of mine. Let’s call him John.

John and I have shared many coffee dates, and over time, I began to notice a pattern. The conversations were always about his life – his work, his relationships, his dreams. But when it came to my life? Not so much.

Even when I managed to steer the conversation towards myself or others, he would quickly redirect it back to him. It was as if he had little to no genuine interest in what was happening in my life or anyone else’s for that matter.

He wasn’t doing it maliciously, but it was a clear sign of self-centeredness. It’s not that he didn’t care about me or other people. But John was so wrapped up in his world, he didn’t realize that he rarely showed genuine interest in anyone else’s.

It’s a subtle sign, but once you notice it, it becomes quite apparent. And dealing with it? Well, that’s a different story altogether.

3) They often interrupt others

In the flow of conversation, interruptions can occur naturally. But when someone is self-centered, they tend to interrupt others more frequently. This happens because they place more value on their own thoughts and opinions over those of others.

Research in conversational dynamics has shown that frequent interruption, particularly to express personal perspectives or shift the topic back to themselves, is a common trait among self-centered individuals.

This constant interruption can make the conversation feel disjointed and frustrating for the other person involved. The conversation becomes less about mutual exchange and more about ensuring their voice is the most heard.

This behavior might not be evident in every interaction, but watch out for patterns. It’s a significant red flag if someone consistently interrupts others to steer the conversation back to themselves.

4) They struggle with empathy

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. It’s what allows us to connect with people on a deeper level, to feel their joy, their pain, their struggles, and successes.

But for someone who is self-centered, empathy can be a real challenge. Their focus is often so skewed towards their own feelings and experiences that they struggle to truly grasp what someone else is going through.

You might notice that they downplay your feelings or experiences, or fail to offer comfort when you’re in distress. Instead of acknowledging your perspective, they might redirect the conversation back to themselves or their experiences.

This lack of empathy isn’t always intentional. Often, they just can’t see past their own world to truly understand yours. But it’s a clear sign that someone is more self-centered than they might realize.

5) They have a hard time celebrating others’ success

We all love to share our victories with our loved ones, and part of the joy of success is having people who genuinely celebrate with us. But for someone who is self-centered, celebrating others’ successes can be a hard pill to swallow.

When you share your wins, they might downplay it, compare it to their own achievements, or quickly change the subject. It’s as if your success takes something away from them.

It’s heartbreaking, really. We all want to feel seen and celebrated by those around us. But a self-centered person struggles to step outside their own world and truly rejoice in another person’s happiness.

This doesn’t mean they don’t care about you or wish you well. It’s just that their self-centeredness often blinds them to the joy of celebrating others.

6) They rarely admit they’re wrong

I remember a time when I was involved in a project with a colleague. We disagreed on how to proceed, and it turned out that my approach was the right one. But instead of admitting they were wrong, my colleague kept defending their perspective and even tried to discredit my approach.

It’s not an uncommon scenario when dealing with a self-centered person. They have a hard time admitting when they’re wrong because it feels like a direct attack on their ego. Their self-worth is so intertwined with being right that admitting a mistake feels like admitting they are a failure.

But nobody is right all the time, and it takes strength and humility to admit when we’re wrong. If someone rarely or never concedes they’re wrong, it’s a strong indicator of self-centeredness.

7) They often play the victim

Life throws curveballs at all of us. But a self-centered person often has a knack for playing the victim, regardless of the situation.

Whether it’s a minor inconvenience or a major setback, they’ll portray themselves as the unfortunate party. This isn’t to say they don’t encounter genuine difficulties, but the constant victim mentality is a clear sign of self-centeredness.

This behavior can be frustrating for those around them. It diminishes the struggles of others and puts the spotlight back on them. It’s their way of seeking attention and sympathy, of making sure their problems are seen as paramount.

It’s not about downplaying their struggles, but recognizing this pattern of behavior as an indicator of self-centeredness.

8) They lack generosity

Generosity isn’t just about giving money or material things. It’s about giving time, attention, help, understanding, and patience. It’s about being there for others, even when there’s nothing in it for you.

But a self-centered person often struggles with this. They are more concerned about what they can get rather than what they can give. They may be more focused on their needs and desires, forgetting that relationships are about mutual giving and receiving.

This lack of generosity is perhaps the most telling sign of a self-centered person. It shows a fundamental imbalance in their perspective – a world where they are the sun and everyone else orbits around them. But remember, empathy and understanding can go a long way in dealing with such individuals.

Final thought: It’s about understanding, not judging

It’s important to remember that being self-centered is not necessarily a definitive character flaw. Everyone, to some extent, is self-centered. It’s a basic human survival instinct.

However, when self-centeredness starts to affect relationships and communication, it becomes problematic. Recognizing these signs can help us navigate our interactions with such individuals more effectively.

It’s not about labeling or judging them as ‘bad’ or ‘wrong’. It’s about understanding their perspective and responding accordingly. After all, many self-centered individuals often don’t even realize their behavior.

So the next time you encounter someone displaying these signs, take a moment to understand rather than react. Who knows? With compassion and patience, you might just help them see beyond their own world.

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Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 15 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. Check out my latest book on the Hidden Secrets of Buddhism and How it Saved My Life. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Facebook or Twitter.

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