8 signs someone is a low quality person (even if they appear charming at first)

I’ve learned the hard way that not everyone who seems charming at first is actually a good person. Some people know exactly how to say the right things and put on a great first impression—but over time, their true colors start to show.

A low-quality person isn’t just someone who makes mistakes (we all do). It’s someone who lacks integrity, treats others poorly, or brings negativity wherever they go.

The tricky part? They don’t always seem that way at first. But if you pay attention, there are certain signs that reveal who they really are.

Here are eight signs someone is a low-quality person—even if they seem great at first.

1) They treat people differently based on status

One of the biggest red flags in a person’s character is how they treat people who can’t do anything for them.

At first, they might seem incredibly kind and charming—especially if they think you’re someone worth impressing. But pay attention to how they act around waiters, cashiers, or anyone they don’t see as “important.”

Do they show the same level of respect and kindness? Or do they become rude, dismissive, or even outright mean?

A high-quality person treats everyone with basic decency, no matter their status. If someone only acts nice when they think it benefits them, it’s a sign their charm is just an act.

2) They never take responsibility for their mistakes

I once had a friend who always had an excuse for everything. If they were late, it was because of traffic. If they forgot something important, it was because no one reminded them. And if they hurt someone’s feelings? Well, that was never their fault—it was just that the other person was “too sensitive.”

At first, I didn’t think much of it. But over time, I realized they never actually took responsibility for anything. No matter what happened, they always found a way to shift the blame onto someone else.

The truth is, we all make mistakes. But a good person owns up to them and tries to do better. If someone constantly dodges responsibility and refuses to acknowledge when they’re wrong, it’s a sign of low character—no matter how charming they might seem at first.

3) They gossip about others behind their backs

The way someone talks about others when they’re not around says a lot about their character.

At first, it might seem harmless—maybe even entertaining. But if someone constantly talks negatively about their friends, coworkers, or even their own family, there’s a good chance they’ll do the same to you when you’re not around.

Studies have shown that when we hear someone gossiping, our brains actually associate those negative traits with the person speaking—not just the person they’re talking about. In other words, people who gossip often end up damaging their own reputation without even realizing it.

A trustworthy person speaks honestly but with kindness. If someone thrives on spreading rumors and tearing others down, it’s a clear sign they’re not someone you want in your life.

4) They are controlled by their ego

In Buddhism, the ego is often seen as the root of suffering. When someone is driven by their ego, they constantly seek validation, put themselves above others, and struggle to accept criticism.

At first, this kind of person might come across as confident or charismatic. But over time, you’ll notice how easily they get defensive, how they always need to be right, and how they struggle to show genuine humility.

In my book, Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego, I explore how Buddhist teachings can help us break free from ego-driven behavior and cultivate more meaningful relationships. Understanding these principles can make it easier to recognize when someone is acting out of self-interest rather than genuine care.

A high-quality person isn’t constantly trying to prove their worth. They’re secure in themselves and don’t need to put others down or seek constant attention. If someone’s ego is always in control, it’s a sign they have a lot of inner work to do.

5) They only reach out when they need something

There’s nothing worse than realizing someone only keeps you around because they find you useful.

At first, they might seem friendly, even thoughtful. But over time, you start to notice a pattern—they only text when they need a favor, only call when they’re in trouble, and only show up when it benefits them. The moment you need something? They’re suddenly too busy.

Real friendships and relationships are built on mutual care and support, not convenience. A good person will check in just to see how you’re doing, not just when they need something from you.

If someone always takes but never gives, it’s a clear sign of their true character.

6) They agree with you too much

It seems like a good thing when someone always agrees with you. After all, who doesn’t like to feel understood and validated?

But if someone never challenges you, never has their own opinions, and always tells you exactly what you want to hear, it might not be a sign of kindness—it might be a sign of dishonesty.

Genuine people aren’t afraid to speak their minds, even if it means disagreeing sometimes. But low-quality people—especially those who are manipulative—will often pretend to agree just to stay in your good graces.

They’re not being real with you; they’re just telling you what you want to hear so they can stay close and benefit when the time is right.

A true friend or partner will respect you enough to be honest, even when it’s uncomfortable. If someone agrees with everything you say, it might not be because they respect you—it might be because they’re trying to use you.

7) They downplay your achievements

A good person celebrates your wins. A low-quality person finds a way to make them seem smaller.

At first, they might seem supportive, but when you accomplish something meaningful, their reaction feels… off. Maybe they brush it off like it’s not a big deal, make a sarcastic comment, or immediately shift the focus back to themselves. Instead of being happy for you, they seem annoyed, jealous, or uninterested.

This kind of behavior often comes from insecurity. Instead of being inspired by others’ success, they feel threatened by it. But that’s not your problem to fix.

Surround yourself with people who genuinely want to see you thrive. If someone constantly downplays your achievements or makes you feel like your successes don’t matter, they’re showing you exactly who they are.

8) They make you feel worse about yourself

The most telling sign of a low-quality person isn’t what they say or do—it’s how you feel when you’re around them.

Maybe they constantly criticize you in subtle ways, disguise insults as “jokes,” or make you second-guess yourself. Over time, you start feeling drained, anxious, or just not good enough.

A good person lifts others up. A low-quality person thrives on making others feel small. Pay attention to how someone’s presence affects you—because that feeling is rarely wrong.

Bottom line: pay attention to the energy people bring

People reveal who they are in subtle ways—the way they speak about others, how they handle mistakes, and whether they make you feel valued or drained. Sometimes, it takes time to see through the charm, but if you pay attention, the signs are always there.

One of the core teachings of Buddhism is mindfulness—not just with yourself, but with the people you allow into your life. In my book, Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego, I explore how awareness and self-reflection can help you make better choices about the relationships you nurture—and the ones you walk away from.

At the end of the day, the right people will make you feel safe, seen, and supported. Surround yourself with those who bring out the best in you, and don’t be afraid to distance yourself from those who don’t.