8 signs he doesn’t love you (he only loves using you)

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Love should make your heart feel warm and your days brighter.

But what if the person you love doesn’t love you back the same way?

It’s a tough spot to be in, but it’s important to see the signs.

Sometimes, a person might stay with you not because they love you, but because they like what you do for them. This can be a harsh truth to face.

In this article, we will talk about eight signs that show he might not really love you, but is just using you for his own needs.

By seeing these signs clearly, you can step back and find someone who truly cares about you.

Sign 1: He Only Calls When He Needs Something

It’s a sweet feeling when someone you care about checks in to see how you’re doing or just to hear your voice.

But if your guy only calls or texts when he needs a favor or some help, that’s a red flag. It shows he’s not really interested in your life or how you’re feeling. He’s more focused on what you can do for him.

Everyone is busy, but if he truly cared, he’d find time to talk to you even when he doesn’t need anything.

This one-sided communication is a big sign that he’s using you for his own gains, and not really invested in building a loving relationship.

Sign 2: He Doesn’t Share His Life With You

Sharing is a big part of love. When someone loves you, they want to share their day, their thoughts, and their world with you.

But if he’s keeping his life a secret and you only hear about his day when you ask, that’s not a good sign. It shows he doesn’t really want you to be a part of his world.

If he’s not excited to share his life with you, it’s likely because he doesn’t see a future with you.

This isn’t just about sharing good times, but the tough times too.

If he’s not there to share your ups and downs, and keeps you out of his, it’s a harsh truth that he might just be around for the good times when it suits him.

Sign 3: He Takes More Than He Gives

In a loving relationship, it’s like a two-way street, both people should give and take in equal measure.

It feels good to do nice things for the person you love, and it feels just as good when they do the same for you.

But what if it’s always you making the efforts? You’re the one planning dates, sending sweet texts, or just being there when he’s down. And on his end? Crickets.

I remember a friend of mine who was always there for her guy. She’d cook him dinner, lend a listening ear whenever he had a rough day, and was always ready to support him in every way.

But when it was her turn to need some support or just a simple loving gesture, he was nowhere to be found. It was a painful realization, but a necessary one.

If you find that you’re always the one giving, and he’s always on the receiving end, it’s a sign that he’s not as invested in the relationship as you are.

Love should be about balance, where both of you are willing to do for each other, not a one-sided affair where only one person is doing all the work.

Sign 4: He’s Overly Charming… Only Sometimes

It might sound odd, but sometimes a guy who’s overly charming can be a red flag, especially if it only happens now and then.

It’s like, he becomes the most attentive, sweetest guy on the planet, but only when he wants something or when it’s convenient for him.

This inconsistent charm can be really confusing. It makes you think, “Oh, he really does care,” but then he goes cold again once he gets what he wants.

For instance, if he’s all sweet talk and romantic dinners when he needs a favor, but is distant and unavailable once he gets what he wants, that’s a problem.

A person who genuinely loves you will be consistent in their behavior and the way they treat you. They won’t switch on the charm only when they want something from you.

This inconsistency in behavior is a clear sign that his love might just be a facade, hiding his real intention of using you for his own benefit.

Sign 5: He Doesn’t Respect Your Boundaries

Respect is a cornerstone of love. If he truly loves you, he’ll respect your boundaries, your values, and your individuality.

However, if he constantly pushes your boundaries or ignores your feelings, it’s a raw indication that he doesn’t have your best interests at heart.

Maybe you’ve told him you’re not ready to take certain steps in the relationship, or there are certain things you’re uncomfortable with.

But instead of understanding and respecting your feelings, he pressures you or makes light of your concerns.

This lack of respect shows a disregard for your feelings and a willingness to prioritize his desires over your comfort and safety.

It hurts to admit, but a person who can’t respect your boundaries is showing you, in no uncertain terms, that his needs and wants come before your well-being in his book.

This isn’t love; this is a blatant sign of using someone under the guise of a relationship.

Love should make you feel safe and understood, not pressured or disregarded.

Sign 6: He Avoids Serious Conversations

Communication is the glue that holds relationships together. It’s through talking we learn more about each other, solve problems, and grow together.

But if he shies away from serious conversations or discussions about your relationship, that’s a glaring sign he might not be invested in a future with you.

Perhaps you’ve tried to talk about where your relationship is headed, or address concerns you’ve been having, and he either changes the subject or makes light of it.

This avoidance shows a lack of willingness to work through issues together or plan a future, which are crucial parts of building a long-term relationship.

Love is about facing life together, including the tough discussions that come up.

If he’s avoiding serious conversations, it’s a sign he might only be in the relationship for what he can get out of it in the short-term.

This reluctance to discuss serious matters leaves you in a limbo, unsure of where you stand or what the future holds, which is not a hallmark of a loving and caring relationship.

Sign 7: He Never Introduces You to Important People in His Life

Being introduced to a partner’s circle of close friends or family is a significant step in a relationship.

It’s a sign that they are proud to be with you and ready to include you in different aspects of their life.

However, if he always keeps you in the shadows and never makes an effort to introduce you to important people in his life, it’s a worrying sign.

I recall a story of someone I knew who dated a guy for several months, but never got to meet any of his friends or family.

She was always told that the time wasn’t right or given some other excuse. It always felt like he was hiding her away, which was both confusing and hurtful.

It wasn’t until later she realized that he wasn’t as serious about their relationship as she was.

It’s a simple yet impactful gesture to be introduced to his close circle. It shows a level of seriousness and a desire to integrate you into his world.

If he’s reluctant to do this, it might indicate that he doesn’t see a long-term potential in your relationship, or worse, he’s only in it for what he can gain from you.

This kind of realization can be tough to digest, but it’s essential to see things as they are if you’re looking for a meaningful and loving relationship.

Sign 8: He Doesn’t Make Time For You

Time is one of the most precious gifts we can give to someone we care about.

When a person loves you, they will make time for you no matter how busy they are.

They’ll want to be with you, share experiences with you, and build memories together.

However, if he’s always too busy, canceling plans last minute or putting everything else before spending time with you, that’s a significant sign he might not be as invested in the relationship as you are.

It’s not about having free time; it’s about prioritizing. We all have busy schedules, but we make time for the people who are important to us.

If you find that you’re always the one adjusting your schedule, waiting around for him, or feeling like you’re on the back burner, it’s a sign that he’s taking you for granted.

A relationship should be about mutual effort to see and spend time with each other.

If he’s not willing to make time for you, it reflects where his priorities lie, and unfortunately, it might not be with you.

Recognizing this can be a stepping stone to finding someone who values and cherishes the time spent with you, just as you deserve.


Love is a beautiful journey, filled with ups and downs, yet the essence of love is about caring, understanding, and valuing each other.

It’s heartbreaking to realize that the person you have invested time, emotions, and love in, might not feel the same way about you.

However, recognizing these signs is the first step towards finding a relationship that brings you joy, respect, and the love that you deserve.

It’s crucial to remember that you deserve someone who sees your worth, cherishes your love, and is willing to walk beside you through life’s adventures.

The signs discussed in this article are eye-openers to help you see if your love is being reciprocated or if it’s time to step back and re-evaluate.

It may be a tough road ahead, but embracing the truth will lead you towards a love that is genuine and fulfilling.

Your journey towards a better love starts with valuing yourself and recognizing when it’s time to let go of relationships that are one-sided.

Remember, the right love will never make you feel like you’re constantly fighting for a spot in their life.


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Tina Fey

I'm Tina Fey, the founder of the blog Love Connection. I've extremely passionate about sharing relationship advice. I've studied psychology and have my Masters in marital, family, and relationship counseling. I hope with all my heart to help you improve your relationships, and I hope that even if one thing I write helps you, it means more to me than just about anything else in the world. Check out my blog Love Connection, and if you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Twitter

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