Lachlan Brown
It’s one thing to be charmed by a man, but quite another to understand his true character. You see, not every man who comes across as charming is genuinely a good person.
Psychology has taught us that certain behaviors can clue us in on someone’s true personality. As Tina Fey, founder of the Love Connection blog and a seasoned relationship expert, I’ve seen this play out countless times.
Here, we’re diving into the eight signs that might indicate a man isn’t entirely good, according to psychology. These are insights that could potentially save you from heartache.
Let’s get started.
1) Lack of empathy
At the core of every good person is the ability to empathize with others. Empathy, as psychology tells us, is the capacity to understand another person’s feelings from their perspective.
A man who lacks empathy is often self-centered, prioritizing his needs and desires over those of others. He might dismiss your feelings, trivialize your concerns, or fail to recognize your achievements.
In relationships, this lack of empathy can manifest as emotional neglect, leaving you feeling unheard and unimportant.
It might seem insignificant at first – a dismissed feeling here, a neglected need there – but over time, it can erode the foundation of any relationship.
2) Dishonesty
Honesty is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship. It’s a trait I’ve found to be non-negotiable during my years as a relationship expert.
A man who is consistently dishonest, whether through lies, omissions, or half-truths, is waving a red flag that he may not be a good person. This kind of behavior can breed mistrust and insecurity in a relationship, creating an unhealthy dynamic.
As Mark Twain wisely said, “If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.” A man who lies often creates a web of deception that’s hard to maintain and even harder to live with.
3) Disrespectful behavior
Respect is the bedrock of any relationship. It’s about valuing each other’s thoughts, feelings, and experiences.
When a man displays consistent disrespect – through belittling comments, dismissive behavior or simply ignoring your boundaries – it’s a clear sign that he may not be a good person.
In my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I delve into the importance of respect in maintaining healthy relationships and how to identify and deal with disrespectful behavior.
Ladies, remember, you deserve respect. Don’t settle for less.
4) Excessive charm
Surprisingly, excessive charm can be a warning sign. While it’s nice to be around a charming person, charm can sometimes be used as a tool for manipulation.
Psychology suggests that people who use their charm excessively may do so to distract you from their less appealing traits. It’s like a magician’s sleight of hand, drawing your attention away from what they don’t want you to see.
While it’s wonderful to be swept off your feet by a charming man, remember to keep an eye out for the substance beneath the charm. After all, true goodness is about more than just charisma.
5) Unresolved anger issues
We’ve all had moments when we’ve lost our cool. However, a man who frequently loses his temper, exhibits violent behavior, or struggles with unresolved anger issues, might not be a good person.
In my own experience, I’ve found that a man who can’t manage his anger is often a ticking time bomb. This volatile behavior can lead to emotional and sometimes physical harm.
Pay attention to how he reacts during disagreements. Is he quick to anger? Does he resort to name-calling or raising his voice? These are tell-tale signs of unresolved anger issues.
You deserve a man who treats you with respect and kindness – even when he’s upset.
6) Emotional unavailability
Emotional availability is the ability to express and share feelings openly, to be present and connected during emotional experiences, and to respond with empathy when your partner shares their feelings.
A man who is emotionally unavailable often keeps his feelings to himself, avoids serious conversations, and may even seem indifferent to your emotions.
This emotional disconnection can leave you feeling lonely and unsupported in your relationship. It’s raw and it’s painful.
Emotional intimacy is just as important as physical intimacy in a relationship. If he’s not willing to open up emotionally, it might be a sign that he’s not entirely a good person. Your emotional needs matter, so don’t let anyone make you feel otherwise.
7) Inability to apologize
We all make mistakes. It’s part of being human. But a man who can’t admit when he’s wrong or refuses to apologize, might not be as good a person as he seems.
The ability to apologize shows humility, self-awareness, and respect for others. It’s something I’ve learned over the years – an apology can mend bridges and heal wounds.
As the great Elton John once said, “Sorry seems to be the hardest word.” But it shouldn’t be. If your man struggles to apologize when he’s in the wrong, it may be time to question his goodness.
8) Manipulative behavior
Manipulation comes in many forms – deceit, guilt-tripping, gaslighting – and it’s a clear sign that a man isn’t entirely good.
A manipulator uses deceptive and underhanded tactics to control others and get what they want. It’s a toxic behavior that can leave you feeling confused, belittled, and even questioning your own sanity.
This is raw and it’s real. It’s also incredibly damaging to your self-esteem and mental health.
If you feel like you’re constantly being manipulated, please don’t dismiss your feelings. Trust your instincts. You deserve to be treated with honesty and respect, not manipulative games.
Final thoughts
Recognizing these signs in a man isn’t about judging or labeling him. It’s about understanding that everyone has flaws and deciding what you are and aren’t willing to accept in a relationship.
Remember, you deserve to be treated with respect, honesty, and kindness. If you notice several of these signs in your partner, it may be time to reconsider the relationship or seek professional help.
For more insights on how to navigate relationships and overcome codependency, check out my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship.
Take care of yourselves, ladies. You’re worth it.
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