8 red flags that someone is not to be trusted, according to psychology

Over the years, through my work on Hack Spirit and Small Business Bonfire, I’ve delved deeply into the worlds of psychology, self-improvement, and mindfulness.

In this article, I’d like to share some insights I’ve gathered on the telltale signs that someone might not be trustworthy.

These eight “red flags” are backed by psychological concepts and wisdom from prominent psychologists.

1. Inconsistent Stories and Contradictions

There’s a big difference between forgetting a minor detail and changing entire narratives. When someone’s stories constantly shift—or they flat-out contradict themselves—this is a glaring red flag.

According to Carl Rogers’ Person-Centered Therapy, authentic communication hinges on congruence (being genuine). Inconsistency in stories can reflect a lack of congruence.

In my early days running Hack Spirit, I once partnered with someone who frequently “forgot” or tweaked important facts. Let’s just say, after a few months, their version of every event changed more times than I could count. That was my cue to end the partnership.

2. Excessive Flattery or “Love Bombing”

Beware of those who shower you with compliments or grandiose promises from the get-go. Genuine relationships usually build trust gradually.

Over-the-top praise can be a form of manipulation. Psychopaths and narcissists, as studied by Dr. Robert Hare, often use charm as a first step to gain trust and exploit vulnerabilities.

3. Consistent Blaming of Others

If someone is constantly pointing the finger and never accepting responsibility, tread carefully. This can indicate they’re deflecting attention from their own shortcomings.

Sigmund Freud called this phenomenon projection—attributing one’s unacceptable thoughts or feelings to someone else.

Early in my career, I worked with a co-founder who blamed his failures on the market, his employees, even the weather! Eventually, I realized no one was safe from his scapegoating—and it spoke volumes about his character.

4. Gossiping and Backstabbing

We’ve all encountered that friend or colleague who loves to share the latest rumors—especially the mean-spirited ones. While it may seem harmless at first, habitual gossip can reveal deeper issues.

 Psychologically, chronic gossipers often use negative talk about others to gain social power or forge false intimacy. If they talk badly about people to you, they’re likely talking badly about you to others as well.

Some research in social psychology indicates gossip can serve as informal social control—people bond over shared negativity. However, it also means the “trust” you have with them is built on shaky ground.

5. Too Many Excuses, Too Little Accountability

Some individuals excel at explaining away their shortcomings or dishonesty with elaborate excuses. If every question about their actions triggers a complex web of justifications, you might need to keep your guard up.

This relates to cognitive dissonance, a term coined by Leon Festinger. People will rationalize or create excuses to reduce the mental discomfort when their actions conflict with their beliefs.

Once, in a deal negotiation for Small Business Bonfire, a potential partner came with an endless list of reasons why every missed deadline or oversight wasn’t “really” his fault. In the end, I had to call it quits and trust my gut—his blame game never ended.

6. They Violate Boundaries Repeatedly

Everyone slips up occasionally, but if someone consistently disregards your personal, emotional, or professional boundaries, that’s a massive warning sign.

Respecting boundaries is crucial for healthy relationships. Dr. Henry Cloud, known for his work on boundaries in psychology, emphasizes that those who can’t honor boundaries often struggle with empathy and self-control.

If someone won’t respect your “No,” they’re showing you they don’t value your autonomy.

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7. Sudden Shifts in Behavior Under Stress

It’s natural for people to become tense or different under pressure, but extreme transformations—like aggressive outbursts or lying to cover their tracks—indicate an unstable foundation.

A calm, collected colleague at work might suddenly turn volatile when a project deadline looms, revealing they’re willing to break rules or scapegoat others to safeguard their image.

The Big Five personality traits model highlights neuroticism—a tendency toward anxiety, fear, moodiness, worry, envy, frustration, jealousy, and loneliness. High neuroticism under stress can prompt untrustworthy behaviors if it’s paired with low conscientiousness.

8. You Feel It in Your Gut

Yes, intuition can be wrong, but ignoring persistent gut feelings often leads to regret. If you find yourself constantly uneasy around someone—with no obvious explanation—there may be deeper issues at play.

Malcolm Gladwell’s Blink suggests our subconscious can pick up on subtle cues that our conscious mind might overlook.

There have been a few times in my career when I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, but something felt “off.” I’ve learned (sometimes the hard way) to pay closer attention to those subtle signals.

Final Thoughts

Trust, once broken, is tough to rebuild. Whether in personal relationships or professional collaborations, these red flags can serve as helpful guideposts. And remember: pay attention not only to what a person says but also to how they make you feel. By staying informed about these psychological indicators, you can protect your well-being and foster healthier connections.

Ultimately, we all want to see the best in others. But being aware of these warning signs helps ensure that your kindness isn’t mistaken for gullibility—and your well-being remains a top priority.