8 lessons about life that 98% of people learn too late, according to psychology

Life’s lessons often come with the bitter tagline “too little, too late”. As founder of Hack Spirit and a mindfulness enthusiast, I’ve found that there are key lessons in life that most people tend to learn painfully late.

Psychology suggests we learn best from experience, but wouldn’t it be great if we didn’t have to learn everything the hard way?

What if I told you there are 8 crucial lessons about life that, according to psychology, 98% of people learn later than they should?

In this article, I will share these lessons with you in the hopes that you can grasp them now and avoid the heartache later.

1. Accepting the inevitability of change

Life is about as predictable as a rollercoaster ride. It has its ups and downs, twists and turns, and just when you think you’ve got it figured out, it throws you for a loop.

A significant lesson that many of us learn too late is the inevitability of change. We cling to routines, to people, to jobs, hoping that they’ll stay the same. But in reality, change is the only constant in life.

According to psychology, our reluctance to accept change often stems from fear – fear of the unknown, fear of losing control. But once we learn to embrace it, we become better equipped to handle whatever life throws at us.

As renowned psychologist Carl Jung once said, “We cannot change anything until we accept it. Condemnation does not liberate, it oppresses.”

2. Embracing failure as part of success

Here’s a lesson I personally had to learn the hard way: failure is not the end of the world. In fact, it’s often a stepping stone to success.

I remember when I first started Hack Spirit. It was a journey filled with excitement, anticipation, and yes, plenty of failures. There were times when I questioned my decisions, doubted my abilities, and even considered giving up.

But each failure taught me something new. Each mistake was a lesson waiting to be learned. And each setback, a stepping stone to a better and stronger me.

It’s easy to look at successful people and assume they’ve had it easy. But the reality is that failure is an integral part of success. It shapes us, molds us, and prepares us for the victories ahead.

As Thomas Edison famously said, “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” 

Don’t be afraid of failure. Embrace it as part of your journey to success.

3. Finding balance between self and others

This is a tricky one. Most people swing like a pendulum between being self-centered and being completely selfless. It’s a difficult balance to strike, but it’s crucial for a fulfilling and meaningful life.

In my early years, I found myself constantly trying to please others. I was more concerned about their happiness than my own. But over time, I realized that this was causing me to lose sight of my own needs and desires.

In my book, Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego, I delve deeper into this delicate balance. I talk about the importance of taking care of yourself while also being mindful of others around you.

It’s important to remember that you can’t pour from an empty cup. Taking care of your own needs isn’t selfish; it’s necessary. But at the same time, life isn’t just about the self. It’s about our relationships with others and the impact we make on their lives.

4. Understanding the power of perspective

Perspective is a powerful tool. It shapes our reality, influences our decisions, and ultimately determines our happiness.

Psychology tells us that how we view the world around us has a significant impact on our mental health. People who regularly practice positive reframing – a cognitive behavioral technique that involves changing your perspective on a negative situation to see it in a more positive light – are less likely to suffer from anxiety and depression.

For example, instead of seeing a challenge as an insurmountable obstacle, view it as an opportunity to grow and learn. Rather than dwelling on past mistakes, use them as lessons for future success. This shift in perspective can make a world of difference in your outlook on life.

However, this is easier said than done. It requires conscious effort and practice. But once mastered, it can drastically change your life for the better.

5. Realizing that happiness is not the end goal

Now, this might seem counterintuitive. After all, don’t we all strive for happiness? But here’s the thing: treating happiness as the ultimate goal can actually lead to dissatisfaction.

Psychology suggests that the pursuit of happiness can often lead to a cycle of wanting more and never feeling truly satisfied. It’s known as the “hedonic treadmill” theory — we adapt to our current level of happiness, and then we constantly need more to feel the same level of satisfaction.

Instead, it might be more beneficial to focus on finding meaning in our lives. A study published in the Journal of Positive Psychology found that while a happy life and a meaningful life overlap in certain ways, they are ultimately distinct. People who have a sense of purpose and direction in life report higher levels of satisfaction and well-being than those who simply chase after fleeting moments of happiness.

Famed psychologist Viktor Frankl once said, “Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue. One must have a reason to ‘be happy.'”

Perhaps it’s time we stopped chasing happiness and started seeking purpose instead.

6. Acknowledging the importance of emotional intelligence

We often measure intelligence in terms of IQ, but there’s another form of intelligence that’s just as important, if not more so – emotional intelligence.

Emotional intelligence, or EQ, is the ability to understand and manage our own emotions and those of others. It involves empathy, self-awareness, and social skills. Psychology tells us that people with high EQ tend to have better relationships, succeed in their careers, and lead a more fulfilling life.

Yet, many of us neglect this aspect of our mental capabilities. We focus on academic achievements and professional successes while ignoring the crucial role emotions play in our lives.

It’s never too late to work on your emotional intelligence. Start by acknowledging your feelings without judgement. Practice empathy by putting yourself in others’ shoes. And remember, it’s okay to be vulnerable.

7. Learning to let go of control

Control is a funny thing. We often think that by maintaining control over every aspect of our lives, we can prevent things from going wrong. But life doesn’t work that way.

Despite meticulous planning and preparation, there were many times when things didn’t go as planned. Unexpected challenges would surface, plans would go awry, and it felt like life was spiraling out of control.

It was during these times that the importance of letting go really hit home. While it’s important to be proactive and take charge of your life, it’s equally important to understand that not everything is within our control.

Psychology suggests that those who learn to let go and accept the uncertainty of life often experience less stress and anxiety. It doesn’t mean giving up or being passive; it simply means acknowledging that there are things we cannot control.

Richard Carlson, a renowned psychologist, put it best: “The key to a good life is this: If you’re not going to talk about something during the last hour of your life, then don’t make it a top priority during your lifetime.” It’s a reminder to focus on what truly matters, and let go of the rest.

8. Recognizing that it’s okay to say no

In our quest to be liked and accepted, we often find ourselves saying yes when we really mean no. We take on more than we can handle, agree to things we don’t want to do, and put others’ needs before our own.

But here’s an important lesson: It’s okay to say no. In fact, it’s necessary.

Psychology suggests that setting boundaries is crucial for our mental health and well-being. It helps us maintain a sense of self, prevents resentment, and allows us to allocate our time and energy towards what truly matters.

Saying no doesn’t make you selfish or unkind. It simply means you’re taking care of your own needs and preserving your energy for what truly matters.

Final thoughts: It’s all a journey

Life, in its essence, is a journey of learning and growth. But often, we get so caught up in the race that we forget to pause and reflect on the lessons we’ve learned along the way.

These eight lessons are ones that most people learn too late in life. They are not definitive rules, but rather insights that can help us navigate life with more grace and wisdom. From accepting change to finding balance, understanding perspective to acknowledging our emotions, each lesson is a stepping stone towards a more fulfilling life.

In my book, Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego, I delve deeper into some of these lessons. I share my own journey of self-discovery and enlightenment, and how Buddhism has helped me find balance and purpose in life.

But remember, it’s not about learning these lessons as quickly as possible. It’s about understanding them at your own pace, in your own time.

As psychologist Carl Rogers beautifully put it, “The good life is a process, not a state of being. It is a direction not a destination.” So let’s embrace this journey of life with all its lessons, knowing that every step we take is one step closer to becoming the best version of ourselves.