8 common behaviors that make people dislike you (without you realizing it)

It’s a tough pill to swallow, but sometimes we are the architects of our own unpopularity.

Without realizing it, we can engage in behaviors that push people away rather than draw them in.

The truth is, these behaviors aren’t always obvious to us, and it can be a real wake-up call when you discover that you’re guilty of them.

In this piece, I’m going to lay out the eight common behaviors that may be making people dislike you, without you even realizing it.

Let’s dive in.

1) Over-sharing

We all have that one friend who spills every detail of their life, without a filter.

While it’s great to be open and honest, there’s a fine line between sharing and over-sharing.

When you constantly unload your problems or personal details on others, it can make people uncomfortable. They might start to feel like your personal therapist rather than a friend.

Plus, over-sharing can come across as self-centered. It sends the message that your problems are more important than anyone else’s, which can quickly make people dislike you.

Conversations should be a two-way street. So, try to balance sharing about yourself with asking about others and showing interest in their lives too.

This subtle change in your behavior can make a huge difference in how people perceive you.

2) Neglecting to listen

I’ll never forget this one instance at a networking event.

I was in the middle of a conversation with a colleague and was sharing some recent successes we had in our department. Midway through my story, I noticed his eyes wander off and he started fiddling with his phone.

I immediately felt dismissed and unimportant. It was clear that he wasn’t really listening to what I was saying.

This is a common behavior that can easily make people dislike you without you realizing it. Nobody likes to feel like they’re talking to a brick wall.

Active listening shows respect and interest in the other person, making them feel valued. 

3) Failing to keep promises

Did you know that a study from the University of Chicago found that when people break promises, it not only damages trust but also decreases the value of the promise-maker in the eyes of others?

This speaks volumes about the importance of keeping your word.

Failing to follow through on commitments or promises, no matter how small, can make people question your reliability. It’s a behavior that can quickly make people dislike you, even if you have the best of intentions.

Being dependable and honoring your commitments goes a long way towards building trust and positive relationships with those around you. 

4) Constant negativity

Nobody enjoys being around a perpetual rain cloud.

While it’s okay to vent and express your frustrations once in a while, consistently negative attitudes can be draining for those around you.

If you’re always complaining, criticizing, or focusing on the bad side of things, people may start to pull away.

It’s important to remember that emotions are contagious. If you’re always spreading negativity, you’re likely to bring down the mood of those around you.

Aim to cultivate a positive outlook. Even in challenging situations, try to find something constructive or hopeful to focus on. This shift can make a significant difference in how people perceive you.

5) Lack of empathy

Empathy is about understanding and sharing the feelings of others. It’s a vital ingredient in building strong, meaningful connections.

When we fail to show empathy, whether it’s by dismissing someone’s problems or not showing understanding when they’re going through a tough time, it can be deeply hurtful.

People want to feel seen and understood. If you’re always brushing off others’ feelings or struggles, it can make them feel small and unimportant. This lack of empathy can quickly turn people away from you.

The good news? Empathy is something you can work on. By taking the time to really understand and validate the feelings of others, you can show that you care and improve your relationships in the process.

6) Being judgmental

I remember when I switched jobs a few years back. It was quite a leap, moving from a corporate role to a startup environment.

A certain friend, instead of supporting or encouraging my decision, instantly started questioning my choice and predicting doom and gloom scenarios. I felt judged and misunderstood.

Judging others based on their choices, lifestyle, or opinions can create an invisible barrier. It can make people feel defensive and less open to sharing with you in the future.

It’s essential to respect diversity and understand that everyone has their own journey and reasons for their choices. Being open-minded and accepting can create a more positive environment for genuine connections.

7) Interrupting others

Everyone has something to say, and everyone wants to be heard.

When you constantly interrupt others, it sends a message that what you have to say is more important than what they’re expressing.

This behavior can be incredibly frustrating and can make people feel undervalued and unheard.

Next time you’re in a conversation, practice patience. Allow others to finish their thoughts before you jump in with yours. It’s a small change that can have a big impact on how people perceive you.

8) Ignoring personal space

Respecting personal space is crucial in all social interactions.

When you invade someone’s personal space, it can make them feel uncomfortable and disrespected.

Whether it’s standing too close, touching without permission, or even delving into personal topics that someone isn’t ready to share, these behaviors can quickly lead to discomfort and dislike.

Always be mindful of boundaries – both physical and emotional – and respect them. It’s a basic courtesy that can significantly influence how people view you.

The final thought: It’s all about respect

At the core of all these behaviors lies a single, fundamental truth: respect.

Respect for others’ feelings, space, opinions and time. When you demonstrate genuine respect towards others, you’re less likely to engage in behaviors that make people dislike you.

So, the next time you find yourself in a social situation, take a moment to reflect on your actions.

Are you truly respecting the person in front of you? Are you listening attentively to their words? Are you honoring their personal space and opinions?

Remember, change starts with self-awareness – and acknowledging these behaviors is the first step towards becoming a more likable person.

It’s not always easy, but the effort is well worth it. After all, in the wise words of Albert Einstein, “I speak to everyone in the same way, whether he is the garbage man or the president of the university.” It all comes down to respect.