Lachlan Brown
We’ve all had “friends” that seem to drain more energy than they give. These are the types that make us question why we keep them around.
Psychology suggests there are certain traits that can identify these energy-drainers, the so-called friends that might not be worth keeping in touch with.
In this article, we’ll explore 7 types of these “friends”, so you can decide for yourself who deserves a spot in your life and who doesn’t. Because believe it or not, sometimes it’s okay to let go.
1) The constant complainer
We all have that one friend. The one who can find a cloud in every silver lining.
According to psychology, constantly being around negativity can start to impact your own mood and overall outlook on life. This is because negative emotions, like positivity, are contagious.
This doesn’t mean you should abandon a friend the moment they start to vent or share their struggles. Far from it. We all have bad days and need a shoulder to lean on sometimes.
However, if the complaining becomes a permanent fixture, with every conversation spiraling into a litany of grievances, then this is a sign of a friendship that might be more draining than it’s worth.
Our friendships should generally lift us up – not drag us down. So if you find yourself feeling constantly drained after spending time with this friend, it might be time to reevaluate the relationship.
2) The one-upper
We’ve all met this type of friend. I’ll never forget my college pal, Jake.
Jake was always quick to share his latest achievements or experiences that somehow always seemed to outdo my own. If I had pulled an all-nighter studying for an exam, he’d boast about doing the same but for two nights straight. If I managed to score a great deal on a vacation, he’d somehow always been there cheaper or stayed somewhere better.
Psychology tells us that this form of constant competition can lead to feelings of inadequacy and even impact our self-esteem. One-uppers tend to put their needs and experiences above everyone else’s, creating an imbalance in the friendship.
While it’s natural to want to share our accomplishments with our friends, a friendship should not feel like a constant competition. If you find yourself feeling constantly overshadowed or undervalued, it might be time to reconsider if this is the kind of friendship you want to keep.
3) The fair-weather friend
In the realm of friendships, the fair-weather friend can be one of the most frustrating types. These are the friends who are around for the good times, but mysteriously disappear when things get tough.
It’s important to note that friendships, like any relationship, require effort from both parties. This means being there for each other during the ups and downs.
Interestingly, a study from the American Sociological Review found that this type of friend is quite common. The study showed that average number of people Americans feel they can confide in has dropped by nearly one-third over the past two decades.
This suggests that many people have more fair-weather friends than they realize. If you’re finding that a particular friend is consistently absent or unresponsive during your times of need, it might be time to reconsider their role in your life.
4) The constant critic
Nobody’s perfect. We all make mistakes, and it’s great to have friends who can challenge us and help us grow. But there’s a big difference between constructive criticism and constant nitpicking.
If you have a friend who seems to find fault in everything you do, from your life choices down to your outfit for the day, you might be dealing with a constant critic.
This kind of friendship can be harmful. It can lead to self-doubt, lower self-esteem, and an overall feeling of inadequacy.
Good friends should inspire confidence, not take it away. If you find yourself feeling belittled or judged instead of supported and loved, this might be a sign that this friendship isn’t serving your best interests.
5) The guilt-tripper
I used to have a friend who had a knack for making me feel guilty for things that were outside my control. If I couldn’t make it to a party because of a prior commitment, she’d spend days making me feel bad about it. If I couldn’t lend her money for something, she’d make me feel like I was letting her down.
Over time, this constant guilt-tripping took a toll on my mental health. I found myself feeling anxious and stressed about disappointing her, even when I knew I hadn’t done anything wrong.
Psychology tells us that this is a manipulative tactic, often used by people who want to control others. It’s not healthy, and it’s not indicative of a true friendship.
A true friend would understand and respect boundaries without using guilt as a weapon. If you find yourself in a similar situation, it might be time to reassess that friendship.
6) The gossip
Gossip can be a form of bonding, and let’s be honest, it can also be entertaining. But there’s a fine line between harmless chatter and spreading harmful rumors.
If you have a friend who always seems to have the latest scoop on everyone and isn’t shy about sharing it, that could be a red flag. Not only is this behavior disrespectful to the people being talked about, it also raises questions about what they might be saying about you when you’re not around.
Friendships should be built on trust and respect. If your friend is consistently disrespecting others through gossip, it might be time to reconsider whether they’re the kind of friend you want in your corner.
7) The taker
The most valuable friendships are those that are balanced, where both parties give and take in equal measure. However, if you find yourself constantly giving – time, energy, resources – but rarely receiving, you may be dealing with a ‘taker’.
Takers are those friends who always seem to need something from you but are nowhere to be found when you need support. This one-sided dynamic can leave you feeling drained and unappreciated.
A true friend values your well-being as much as their own. If your friendship feels like a one-way street, it might be time to rethink its value.
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