7 things mentally strong people never do, according to psychologists

Over the past decade of researching psychology, self-improvement, and mindfulness—both through my work on Hack Spirit and Small Business Bonfire—I’ve noticed an intriguing pattern among people who demonstrate remarkable resilience. Whether it’s a friend bouncing back from career setbacks or a colleague navigating personal challenges with poise, they share common habits and mindsets that keep them strong in the face of adversity.

Mentally strong people exhibit a certain level of grit and determination that many of us admire. But I’ve found that just as important as what they do is what they don’t do. If you want to build mental muscle, understanding the pitfalls they avoid can be hugely transformative.

Below, I’ve compiled seven things mentally strong people never do, backed by psychological insights and quotes from notable thinkers. Let’s dive in.

1. They Never Dwell on the Past

It’s natural to reflect on past mistakes, regrets, or missed opportunities—trust me, I’ve done my fair share of midnight overthinking. But mentally strong individuals don’t set up camp in their history. They learn from it and move on.

Research shows that chronic rumination—continuously thinking about negative events—can lead to increased stress, anxiety, and even depressive symptoms. When you get stuck thinking about how things could have been, it zaps mental energy and distracts you from the present.

According to Martin Seligman’s work on learned optimism, dwelling on negative experiences feeds a cycle of pessimism. Mentally strong people consciously redirect their focus to what can be changed or improved now, rather than re-living old wounds.

Early in my entrepreneurial journey, I spent months beating myself up over a failed campaign. It wasn’t until I consciously decided to extract lessons—and then actively move on—that I felt free. It was a liberating moment, and my subsequent campaigns were all the better for it.

2. They Never Constantly Seek Everyone’s Approval

Approval is a tricky human desire. We’re social creatures, after all, and it feels good to be liked. But mentally strong individuals avoid making it their mission to please everyone.

Constantly seeking external validation can lead to self-doubt and an unstable sense of self-worth. You end up living your life based on others’ expectations rather than your own values.

Carl Rogers, a pioneer in humanistic psychology, emphasized the importance of unconditional positive regard—recognizing your own worth without conditions. While it feels great when others appreciate you, genuine self-acceptance should be the foundation of your confidence.

By learning to trust their own judgment, mentally strong people can handle criticism without being shattered by it. Their sense of self isn’t fragile; it’s grounded in an internal belief system that can withstand external disapproval.

3. They Never Avoid Calculated Risks

A year ago, I had a chance to expand one of my businesses into a new niche. It was unfamiliar territory, and the risk felt…well, risky.

But one thing I’ve seen repeatedly is that mentally strong people don’t shy away from opportunities that involve uncertainty—as long as they’ve done their homework.

There’s a difference between reckless gamble and calculated risk. One is an impulsive shot in the dark; the other involves thorough research, weighing pros and cons, and deliberate action.

Albert Bandura’s concept of self-efficacy—the belief in your ability to handle tasks and challenges—plays a significant role here. The stronger your self-efficacy, the more likely you are to approach risks confidently and persist after setbacks.

“In any given moment we have two options: to step forward into growth or to step back into safety.” – Abraham Maslow. Mentally strong people consistently choose growth when the odds are in their favor.

4. They Never Let Short-Term Feelings Dictate Long-Term Decisions

We’re all prone to making big decisions when we’re in a negative or euphoric emotional state. (Guilty as charged—anyone else buy plane tickets after a stressful day just to escape?) But mentally strong people have mastered the art of pausing before making a major life choice in an emotional whirlwind.

Acting on a fleeting emotional high or low can lead to decisions you regret later. From ending relationships prematurely to quitting a perfectly good job just because of a rough week, impulsive decisions often backfire.

This is where the concept of emotional intelligence by Daniel Goleman comes into play. Mentally strong individuals recognize and manage their emotions so that feelings inform their decisions without dominating them.

I remember nearly firing an employee on impulse when a big project fell through. Instead, I took a weekend to calm down, reevaluated, and ended up realizing my frustration was directed at the situation, not the person. That employee is now one of my top team members—thankfully, a moment of reflection saved me from a terrible choice.

5. They Never Shy Away from Setting Boundaries

If there’s one lesson I learned the hard way, it’s that neglecting boundaries—whether with family, friends, or colleagues—can lead to mental and emotional exhaustion. Mentally strong individuals understand that to protect their well-being, they must sometimes say “no.”

Psychological studies have shown that healthy boundaries increase self-esteem, reduce stress, and foster more meaningful relationships. When you establish clear lines, others are more likely to respect your time and emotional space.

“The shoe that fits one person pinches another.” Jung’s point here is that everyone’s comfort zone or limit is different. It’s perfectly fine to assert what you need to maintain a balanced life—even if it means disappointing someone occasionally.

Mentally strong people don’t necessarily put up walls; they build gates. They know when to let in meaningful connections and when to close the gate to protect their peace.

6. They Never Let Fear of Failure Paralyze Them

We live in a society that often glorifies success and frowns upon failure. Social media doesn’t help: it’s one highlight reel after another. But mentally strong individuals view failure as feedback—a chance to learn and iterate.

In Man’s Search for Meaning, Viktor Frankl highlights our ability to choose our attitude in any given set of circumstances. Applying this to failure, we see it as an event, not a definition of who we are.

When you’re afraid to fail, you sabotage yourself by playing it safe or never fully committing to an endeavor. Mentally strong people push past that fear by re-framing failure as part of the growth process.

Reflecting on my own ventures, I can count numerous times where an initial flop was the foundation for a better, more strategic approach. Without those early stumbles, I’d never have built the resilience or the skill set I have now.

7. They Never Compare Their Journey to Everyone Else’s

It’s tempting to look at a peer’s success or someone else’s highlight reel and think, “I should be where they are.” But mentally strong people recognize how unproductive—and sometimes harmful—comparison can be.

Research on social comparison theory by Leon Festinger shows that we naturally gauge our worth against others. While this can sometimes motivate, it can also deflate us if we constantly compare our behind-the-scenes to someone else’s well-curated snapshot.

Comparison can breed resentment, envy, or a sense of inadequacy, which ultimately undermines self-confidence. Mentally strong people focus on their own progress. They measure success against personal benchmarks rather than using others as a yardstick.

“Don’t judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds that you plant,” wrote Robert Louis Stevenson. Mentally strong people are intentional about planting their own seeds of growth, rather than worrying about what’s blooming in someone else’s garden.

Final Thoughts

Building mental strength isn’t a one-time achievement—it’s an ongoing process that involves making conscious choices every single day. By understanding the habits mentally strong people avoid, you can begin to adopt the mindsets and behaviors that lead to greater resilience.

I’ve learned that real growth happens when we’re willing to confront our mental obstacles head-on, guided by research-backed strategies and the wisdom of renowned psychologists. And let’s be honest: even when we know what we should be doing, old habits die hard. It’s a journey that requires patience, compassion (especially for ourselves), and a willingness to keep learning from our mistakes.

But I’ve seen firsthand that it’s worth it. Every time I apply these lessons—whether it’s resisting the urge to dwell on the past or setting healthy boundaries—the payoff is tangible. Less stress, more focus, and a deeper sense of well-being.

Here’s to cultivating that mental fortitude, step by step. May these insights serve as a roadmap for your own personal growth—and a reminder that true strength is as much about what we don’t do as it is about what we do.