Lachlan Brown
There’s something fascinating about how people “reveal” themselves when they’re put in certain situations.
You think you know someone—maybe it’s a friend, partner, or colleague—and then life throws in a moment of truth. Suddenly, their hidden layers start showing, as though a spotlight just turned on.
As someone who’s spent years exploring personal development and entrepreneurship, I’ve seen this time and again with teammates, business partners, and friends.
Let’s jump in and explore seven moments in life that shine a bright light on our real selves.
1. When They’re Under Extreme Stress
Stress is like a magnifying glass. If someone’s calm and collected by nature, stress will show you exactly how calm they actually are. If someone’s prone to anxiety, you’ll see those jitters in full force.
Renowned psychologist Hans Selye once said, “Adopting the right attitude can convert a negative stress into a positive one.” But it’s easier said than done, right?
I’ll be honest: I’ve had my fair share of meltdowns juggling multiple businesses. It’s in these moments that your real coping strategies emerge. Some people might lash out, while others become super organized to maintain control.
According to the Yerkes-Dodson Law, a moderate level of stress can even enhance performance, but too much stress can make us crumble—revealing what truly lies beneath.
2. When They Have Power Over Others
Hand someone power, and you get to see their inner sense of responsibility. Do they let power go to their head, or do they use it to help others?
There’s a classic quote by psychologist Abraham Maslow: “If the only tool you have is a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.”
This reminds me of a business mentor I once had. The moment he got promoted, he started micromanaging everyone, as if all his colleagues were “problems” to be fixed.
Power can bring out a bossy streak in some, and in others, it can spark compassion and leadership.
Keep an eye on how someone treats people when they hold the reins—it’s often a window into their character.
3. When Money Is Involved
Money has a funny way of exposing our values. I’ve run multiple startups, so I’ve watched a lot of people (myself included) navigate financial ups and downs. People might get cagey about what they owe, or they might become downright stingy. Others blow it all on material stuff.
Psychologist Alfred Adler believed a person’s behavior is driven by their need for significance. For some, having more money equals feeling more important—and sometimes, that leads to questionable ethical choices.
On the flip side, others remain humble and generous, no matter what’s in their bank account.
Either way, money is a reliable litmus test for character.
4. When They Face Failure
Failure is tough—there’s no sugarcoating it. But how someone deals with it speaks volumes about who they are. I’ve had so many failed ventures in my early days that I probably have a PhD in “Failing Forward.”
Psychologist Carol Dweck introduced us to the concept of the growth mindset: people with a growth mindset see failure as a chance to learn and grow, while those with a fixed mindset may feel personally attacked by it.
That difference can tell you if someone has the grit to keep going or if they’ll crumble at the first setback.
Failure tears away the mask and shows us our core perseverance (or lack thereof).
5. When They’re Celebrating a Win
Victories and achievements are great, but they can also inflate egos. Watch how a person behaves after they’ve just scored big—whether it’s landing a new job, hitting a business milestone, or finally paying off a debt.
Some folks will subtly brag or rub it in, while others stay humble and even share the spotlight with those who helped them.
Renowned American psychologist B.F. Skinner studied how positive reinforcement shapes behavior.
Success can bring plenty of positive reinforcement, but it might also feed a narcissistic streak if someone’s already leaning that way.
Does a person celebrate alone, or do they lift others up with them? That says a lot about who they truly are.
6. When They’re Around Someone They Deeply Trust
We all behave a bit differently in public than we do in private. I’m not exactly the same “Lachlan” in a formal business meeting as I am hanging out with my close friends at home.
Carl Rogers, a well-known humanistic psychologist, talked about the importance of being genuine and accepting in close relationships.
When people feel genuinely safe, their guard drops, and their real personality—quirks, flaws, and all—comes out.
If you really want to know someone, observe how they act when they’re in a comfortable setting with people they love. That’s probably the most genuine version of them.
7. When They’re at Their Lowest
We’ve all been there: heartbreak, loss, anxiety, maybe even total burnout. The way someone reacts in those darkest moments can reveal a deep sense of who they are.
Some become fiercely independent, others lean on friends or family, and a few might push everyone away.
A famous quote by Carl Jung says, “Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darkness of other people.”
Jung’s point is that in understanding our personal struggles, we build empathy and resilience. In these down-and-out stages, raw emotions take over.
This is when people can’t pretend or hold up a public façade. Their true needs, coping mechanisms, and emotional maturity (or immaturity) come rushing to the surface.
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