7 phrases a narcissist casually uses to undermine your confidence

Navigating interactions with a narcissist can be tricky.

What makes it so? It’s their unique knack for subtly undermining your confidence, often without you even realizing it.

These are not just offhand comments. They are meticulously crafted phrases designed to keep you second-guessing yourself.

Being aware of these phrases is key to maintaining your self-esteem in the face of a narcissist’s manipulation tactics.

Let’s get started. 

1) “You’re too sensitive”

In the realm of narcissistic manipulation, undermining a person’s feelings is a common tactic.

Narcissists often use the phrase “You’re too sensitive” to belittle your emotions and reactions. It’s a subtle way of saying that your feelings aren’t valid or important.

This phrase is designed to make you doubt your emotional responses. Over time, you may start to suppress your feelings or become overly self-critical.

Remember, it’s okay to feel and express emotions. Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise.

Being aware of this phrase can help you challenge the narcissist’s narrative and maintain your self-confidence.

2) “I was just joking”

Navigating the waters of a conversation with a narcissist can often feel like sailing through an unpredictable storm. Let me share a personal example.

I once had a friend who constantly made cutting remarks about my appearance, my job, my choices – you name it. When I voiced my discomfort or hurt, he’d quickly respond with “I was just joking”.

He used this phrase like a get-out-of-jail-free card, using humor as an excuse to belittle me without facing any repercussions. It was his way of undermining my self-esteem while avoiding responsibility for his words.

Over time, I learned to recognize this tactic for what it was – a manipulative attempt to keep me off balance. Understanding this helped me maintain my confidence and eventually distance myself from the relationship.

A joke is only funny when everyone is laughing. If someone’s humor consistently makes you uncomfortable, it’s not a joke – it’s disrespect.

3) “No one else thinks that”

Here’s a phrase that’s a classic in the narcissist’s playbook: “No one else thinks that”. It’s a clever tactic designed to isolate you and make you question your own judgment.

The phrase is used to create a fictional majority that agrees with the narcissist and disagrees with you. It’s a subtle form of gaslighting – a psychological manipulation tactic intended to make someone doubt their own perceptions or sanity.

What’s more, research shows that people are more likely to believe something if they think others do, a phenomenon known as the bandwagon effect. Narcissists exploit this human tendency to manipulate your thoughts and undermine your confidence.

Just because someone states that ‘everyone’ thinks a certain way, doesn’t make it true. Trust your own thoughts and feelings.

4) “You always…/You never…”

Another phrase that narcissists love to use is “You always…” or “You never…”. These absolute statements are often used to criticize or demean you.

For instance, statements like “You never listen to me” or “You always overreact” are not just critical, but they also generalize your actions in an unfair way. They can make you feel as though you’re constantly failing or disappointing the narcissist.

These phrases can be potent and can slowly chip away at your self-esteem if you’re not mindful of them.

Nobody’s perfect and everyone makes mistakes. But it’s essential to recognize when someone is using these statements as a tool for manipulation rather than genuine communication.

5) “You’re not remembering it correctly”

The phrase “You’re not remembering it correctly” is a classic example of gaslighting. It’s a way for the narcissist to rewrite history and make you question your own memory.

In my life, I’ve come across this phrase more than once. There was a time when a significant person in my life would twist the narrative of past events, making me question my own recollection of what had happened. It was a deeply unsettling feeling, like walking on shifting sands.

Over time, I realized this was a manipulation tactic designed to keep me off balance and second-guessing myself. Recognizing this was key to maintaining my sanity and confidence.

Remember, trust your memories and instincts. If something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t.

6) “If you really cared about me…”

This phrase is a classic guilt-trip. Narcissists often use it to manipulate their victims into doing what they want. It’s a way of making you feel as though you’re not showing enough love or respect.

The phrase “If you really cared about me, you would…” followed by a specific demand, is a common example. It’s a way of making you feel as though you’re being unfair or uncaring, simply because you’re not complying with their desires.

This tactic can be emotionally draining and can undermine your confidence in your own judgment.

Genuine love and respect are not about fulfilling unreasonable demands. Don’t let anyone use your feelings for them as a tool for manipulation.

7) “You couldn’t manage without me”

This is perhaps one of the most damaging phrases a narcissist can use. It’s designed to make you feel dependent, incompetent, and incapable of functioning without their presence or guidance.

The underlying message is clear: you need them more than they need you. It’s a manipulative technique aimed at reducing your self-confidence and boosting their own ego.

But here’s the truth: You are stronger and more capable than you know. You can manage and thrive without anyone who seeks to belittle you or undermine your confidence. Stand firm in your worth and don’t let anyone convince you otherwise.

Final thoughts: It’s not about you

The world of narcissistic manipulation can be a complex and confusing labyrinth to navigate. The phrases we’ve explored are just a few examples of how narcissists operate to undermine your confidence.

But here’s the key thing to remember: It’s not about you. These tactics are a reflection of the narcissist’s own insecurities and need for control, not an indictment of your worth or abilities.

Clinical psychologist Dr. Ramani Durvasula explains that narcissists have “an inability to step into the shoes of another person, particularly if it means having to validate the other person’s experiences.” This lack of empathy is central to their behavior.

It’s okay to feel hurt or confused. But don’t let these phrases define your self-worth or shake your confidence. You have the power to recognize these tactics for what they are and respond in a way that protects your mental well-being.

After all, your voice, emotions, and experiences are valid. And no one has the right to undermine that.