6 things you need to know about loving an overthinker

woman who dates an overthinker

It takes all kinds to make the world go round, but when you are dating an overthinker, it can be hard to understand why certain people obsess about every detail while others hardly notice things at all.

If you are part of the group that hardly notices things at all, you might find it especially difficult to date someone who thrives on detail.

If you want the best chance for success for your relationship, here is what you need to know about dating an overthinker.

1) Always Say What You Mean

Rather than leave room for interpretation, just get to the point and say the things you mean. Overthinkers go to great lengths to get inside people’s heads, and if you want to spare yourself the drama and difficulty of having to explain yourself later, just go with the easiest explanation and be sure to include all the details.

Overthinkers love to fill in the blanks, so don’t leave any option for debate.

2) Don’t Keep Important Details to Yourself

If you are dating an overthinker, you should know that the more information they have, the better off everyone will be. For example, if you tell your overthinker partner that so-and-so got a divorce, you better know the details: who, what, when, where, why, and how.

These are questions you are going to get asked, so have the information ready at the start to save yourself some time and effort. If you are invited to a party on Friday night, be sure to include the names of everyone you know who is attending, the location, what the attire is, what should be brought for the host, whether or not transportation has been arranged, etc.

The more you know, and therefore, the more your overthinker partner knows, the happier everyone will be.

3) Nail Down a Date and Time

There’s nothing worse than sitting around waiting for someone to show up. And it’s even worse when an overthinker is left to sit around and wonder what could have happened to the date you set.

If you are planning an evening out with your overthinker girlfriend or boyfriend, be sure to include all the details, including a specific date and time. And for the love of God, show up on time. Picture this: overthinker waiting for over an hour for you to show up and the wheels start turning.

Maybe you are at the bottom of a pond in the trunk of car, maybe you are being held a gunpoint in the bank. Maybe you forgot to brush your teeth and had to go all the way back home and take care of business! The possibilities of where an overthinker’s mind will go are virtually endless. Show up when you said you would show up. Keep things simple.

4) Stop Thinking the Worst

Overthinkers do a lot of thinking, which means they spend a lot of time in their own heads. This can cause a lot of tension for couples where one of them is a chronic overthinker, because it can leave the other partner feeling left out.

If you think you might be getting the cold shoulder from your overthinking partner, just ask if something is wrong between the two of you. Don’t turn into an overthinker yourself. Two of a kind don’t mix in these scenarios.

5) They’ll Want to Solve Your Problems

Overthinkers are really good at problem solving, so if you are going to be in a relationship with one, you better get ready to share all the details of your life and your problems. It’s not a bad thing though: it’s great to have someone around that can see your problems from a different perspective.

Overthinkers love to give their brain a challenge, and taking on a problem for their partner is fun for them. Don’t feel bad for offloading all your baggage onto an overthinker: they’ll help you clean it up in no time.

6) It’s Hard for Overthinkers to Relax

Because an overthinker is always “on”, it can be hard for them to sit back and take in the world around them without seeing problems and wanting to find solutions. When you are dating an overthinker, know that you are going to have to do a bit of the relaxing for the both of you.

You’ll need to give your overthinking partner some space and let them relax in their own way, which is likely going to be solving problems in their lives and yours. Just remember that overthinkers are a special kind of person, and it’s not a bad thing.

Check out Hack Spirit's eBook on How to Use Buddhist Teachings for a Mindful, Peaceful and Happy Life.

Here's what you'll learn:

• How and why to be mindful: There are many simple exercises you can do to bring a mindful attitude to quotidian activities such as eating breakfast, walking the dog, or sitting on the floor to stretch.

• How to meditate: Many beginning meditators have a lot of questions: How should I sit? How long should I meditate? What if it feels awkward or uncomfortable or my foot falls asleep? Am I doing it wrong? In this book, you’ll find simple steps and explanations to answer these questions and demystify meditation. (And no, you’re not doing it wrong).

• How to approach relationships: This section offers tips for interacting with friends and enemies alike and walks you through a loving kindness meditation.

• How to minimize harm: There is a lot of suffering in the world; it’s best for everyone if we try not to add to it. Here you’ll read about the idea of ahimsa (non-harming) and how you might apply it to your actions.

• How to let things go: As Buddhism teaches, excessive attachment (whether we’re clinging to something or actively resisting it) all too often leads to suffering. Practitioners of mindfulness meditation find peace in letting go and accepting things as they are in the moment.

Check it out here.

Lachlan Brown