Are you picking up hints that a married friend is into you?
Or is it all in your head?
Her behavior around you has changed, and you’ve sensed a shift in how she talks, looks, and touches you…but what does it really mean?
Is she just having a bit of fun or does she like you more than a friend?
Women, just like men, may resort to cheating on their partner if they’re not happy or if they meet someone they connect with better.
And because she’s married, her signals might not be as clear as a woman who is single so it’s natural if you’re a little bit confused by her actions.
But don’t worry – whether it’s your co-worker or friend, we’re going to cover all the signs that she’s into you, and then what your options are going forward.
Let’s start with the top signs to look out for:
20 signs a married woman likes you more than a friend
1) You catch her staring at you
This is probably one of the most obvious signs – you catch her staring at you and she quickly looks away.
Or, if she’s quite confident she might not even look away (at which point things might get a bit awkward) but she’s letting you know that she likes the look of you.
If she blushes or smiles, you can be sure that she was daydreaming about you and that she can’t resist sneaking a glance, even if she might get caught.
2) She always wants to know details about your life
Another sign is her subtle (or obvious) attempts to know about your personal life…but more specifically about your love life.
That date you mentioned you were going to have on Friday after work?
That would catch her attention in an instant.
So if she hangs on to every word you say and has a lot of questions like:
“Did you like her?”
“Are you going to see her again?”
It’s a pretty obvious sign that she likes you and wants to know whether she’s got other women to compete with.
3) She gets uncomfortable when you talk about other women
But another sign that might pop up when you talk about other women is if she acts jealous or unnaturally “cool” about it all.
If she was genuinely just your friend, mentioning other girls wouldn’t make her body language and tone of voice change.
But, if she acts hostile to other women around you or always rejects the idea of you hooking up with someone else, it’s because she wants you all for herself.
4) Any excuse for physical contact
You may think that just because she’s married she’ll hold back on the hugs or stroking of your arm, but if she’s really into you she won’t be able to resist.
Keep an eye out for prolonged hugs, being “cold” so you’ll put your arm around her or the hand on your shoulder whenever she passes you.
That includes the inevitable “whose hand is bigger?” followed by her surprise that your hands are indeed bigger.
But hey, it’s a chance to touch and a move she can downplay if other people are around.
5) Everything you say is hilarious
This doesn’t happen only in films – if she laughs at something simple like a complaint about the awful weather, you know something is up.
The truth is, regardless of her marriage, if she likes you she’ll automatically find everything you say or do endearing.
And, her laughter might be to boost your ego but it could equally be out of nerves when she’s around you.
But that’s not all:
Some studies have also shown that humor is a way for people to work out whether someone would make a good partner.
Testing how humor was used by both sexes to attract each other, one study found that:
“The results didn’t indicate that one sex tried to be funnier than the other. However, it did suggest the more times a man tried to be funny and the more times a woman laughed at his jokes, the more likely she was romantically interested.”
So it’s possible that she laughs along without even realizing that she’s doing it – it’s her natural way of determining how great a partner you might make.
6) Her body language changes around you
And just as she might start laughing more at what you have to say, her whole body language will shift when you walk into the room.
Does she sit up straighter?
Maybe she quickly fixes her hair or she slides off her jacket whenever you pass by?
Whatever it is, the clues might not be obvious at first.
Watch her when she doesn’t realize you’re looking, and then see how her body language changes when you approach her.
7) She wants to meet up alone
The chances are, if she’s hinted at meeting up alone, you’ve probably already worked out that she’s interested.
It’s not uncommon for married couples to have friends of the opposite sex, but wanting to meet up alone with you all the time hints that she’s interested in more.
And, if she keeps this quiet from her husband then you’ll know for sure that she likes you more than just a friend.
8) You’re her favorite
Following on from that point, inviting only you to meet up out of your friendship/colleague group is a sure sign that you’re her favorite.
You’ll know that she’s interested if she always takes your side, pays more attention to you, and treats you differently from everyone else.
Asking your friends or colleagues if they notice how she treats you compared to the rest of them could be a good way to find out as they’ll probably have picked up on it too.
9) She gets flustered around you
And just as we mentioned nervous laughter earlier, you might also notice that she gets unsettled by your presence.
Common signs of this are
- Dropping whatever she’s holding
- Blushing furiously at whatever you say
- Fussing or playing with things like her hair or the keychain on her bag
- Seeming out of breath
Whilst it might seem like she’s just clumsy, in reality, it could be the massive dose of dopamine (the love chemical) that’s just been released.
But according to psychiatrist Dr. Scott Carrol, it’s not just dopamine that causes this reaction:
“Your dopamine levels instantly increase because you’ve detected something desirable in your environment. You are instantly focused and excited by the person you see. Your norepinephrine levels also increase which further focus you, but also make you nervous and a bit cautious.”
It’s this that makes her heartbeat increase and her cheeks flush, and that’s why she might appear nervous yet excited around you.
10) She flirts with you
But if she manages to get the nerves under control, the chances are most of your conversations are flirty.
Even talking about something mundane can become playful and cheeky, and she never misses a chance to inject some mystery into your conversations.
You’re probably wondering at this point, “Is she for real?”.
And you’re right to think that – maybe she’s just having fun and she naturally has a flirty nature.
But if the flirty conversations happen all the time and only with you and no one else, it’s a big indicator that she means business.
11) She enjoys teasing you
A huge part of the flirting will probably involve teasing you.
You see, when a woman likes a guy but she’s not sure if she’s ready to push the boundaries or not, she’ll resort to making fun of you, having playful banter, and teasing you relentlessly.
It’s her way of showing affection without being too physical or too flirty because it can easily be taken for friendly, casual jokes rather than anything serious.
12) She compliments you
And just to confuse you more, she might throw in a few compliments into the mix when she’s teasing you.
There’s no surprise that you’re left wondering whether she likes you or not.
From making fun of you to admiring how your new haircut suits you, she’ll keep a balance so that you’re left wondering whether she’s attracted to you or just being nice.
13) Her voice changes when you speak alone
That playful tone she takes on when you’re around other people, does it change when you’re alone?
Does her voice become more sensual and seductive? Or does she become more timid and quiet?
Either extreme hints that she’s into you and her voice will let her down every time because it will naturally change when you’re alone together.
It could be that she wants to appear confident and sexy, in which case her voice will take on a slightly husky, calm tone.
Or, if she’s nervous because she likes you, she’ll get quiet around you and let you do most of the talking.
14) She downplays her marriage
When talk of her husband or marriage comes up, it wouldn’t be strange for her to change the subject or make the relationship seem unimportant.
If she rarely mentions her husband, it could be a sign that there are issues in their marriage, or that she deliberately avoids the subject around you.
So why would she do that?
Mainly because if she likes you, she won’t want to flaunt her relationship in your face.
She’ll want to seem as available and attractive to you as possible – and let’s face it, talking about her husband isn’t much of a turn on.
15) Or her marriage is all she talks about
But it could also go completely the opposite way, and her husband is all she ever talks about.
There are two reasons she might do this instead of keeping him under wraps:
- She wants to make you jealous
- She wants to gain your sympathy
If it’s the first point, she’ll borderline boast about her marriage, letting it slip how romantic or sexy her husband is.
Relationship coach Duana C. Welch explains how women use jealousy:
“In studies, when women intentionally rouse the green-eyed monster, revenge is rarely the motivator. Instead, they cultivate jealousy to discern the strength of their lover’s feelings and enhance his commitment.”
You see, every time you react when she mentions her husband, she’s checking to see just how bothered you are and this tells her whether the feelings are mutual or not.
If it’s the second, it could be that she’s unhappy in her marriage and she wants you to feel like you should swoop in and come to her rescue.
16) She jokes about what life would be like if you were together
And making you feel like you’re her confidant, someone she trusts is just one way she’ll plant the idea of you guys being more than just friends in your mind.
Another sign is if she hypothesizes about what life together could be like. She’ll joke around or make up hypothetical situations to work out whether you’re interested too.
Or she might be doing it in the hopes that you’ll get the message and make a move – either way it’s a clear way of letting you know that it’s on her mind.
17) She starts trying to look after you
Joking about you being together isn’t the only move she might make to hint at her desire to be more than friends.
If she starts trying to take care of you, checking in when you’re having a tough time at work, or bringing soup when you’re ill, it’s because she wants you to experience what life could be like together.
And it’s a great way for her to see how you feel about her – if you lap it up and can’t get enough of her attention, she’ll take it that you’re into her too.
18) She talks to you secretly
Outside of your usual setting, whether it’s work or your friendship circle, a big indicator that she likes you is if she keeps your conversations a secret.
That means sneaking out when she calls you or only texting you when her husband isn’t around.
She might even call or text at inappropriate times because she’s trying to do it on the down-low.
If she didn’t have feelings for you, she wouldn’t need to hide the fact that you talk.
19) She doesn’t shy away from dirty talk
And talk doesn’t necessarily mean innocent, platonic chit chat.
A woman who’s into you will want to test the boundaries and see what type of reaction she can get out of you.
Suddenly, what you thought was a normal conversation turns into the wildest sex positions she’s ever tried and what she wants to experiment with next.
But she’s not just talking dirty to turn you on.
Judging by your response, she’ll be able to figure out whether you’re feeling it too or whether she’s crossed the line and gone too far.
20) She misses you and lets you know it
If she is open about missing you or needing you around, it hints at liking you much more than just a friend.
Because even though we love and miss our guy friends, we don’t feel the need to let them know it all the time.
But when it comes to a guy we like, we’re not going to let a chance slip at letting him know that he’s been on our mind and that we want to meet up ASAP.
So the verdict is in and the signs have been tallied up – she likes you more than a friend.
At least now you know and you can act on this information, but the next question you’re probably wondering is:
Does it mean she wants to leave her husband?
Some of those points sound familiar to you, and by now you’re either thinking, “Yes!” or, “Oh crap, what am I going to do?”.
But let’s slow things down for a minute.
Just because she flirts or compliments you, it doesn’t necessarily mean she wants to have a full-fledged affair.
She might not even have any desire to leave her husband.
The truth is:
Women have harmless crushes too.
So there’s always the possibility that to her, this is just a little bit of fun, a cheeky flirt to brighten up an otherwise dull day, something to gossip about with her friends.
She may like you more than a friend, but it doesn’t mean she’s going to act on it.
On the other hand though, if she has taken steps such as meeting up with you alone or talking dirty and hiding it from her husband, it’s a lot more obvious that she wants more.
And if this is the case, you’ve got a decision to make.
So, should you get involved?
Having an affair with a married woman can seem exciting and thrilling, especially if you like her back.
There’s a sense of adventure, sneaking around and keeping everything hidden – it all adds to the romance of it.
But there are a few factors you should think about first:
- Does she have kids? Think about whether you’d feel comfortable coming in between a family.
- Are you colleagues? Having an affair at work usually ends up being awkward or the subject of office gossip.
- Does she just want a distraction from her marriage? If things aren’t going well with her husband, you might not want to get involved in that (it could get messy if there are a lot of underlying reasons for her desire to cheat).
- Do you actually like her too? Or is it just because you’re enjoying the attention.
Ultimately, what you decide to do is between you and her, but extramarital affairs are often messy, chaotic, and hurtful for all the parties involved.
Now that’s not to say that she may genuinely like you and be unhappy in her marriage.
If that’s the case, it’s always best to wait until she decides to leave her husband and start a new life fresh.
But what if all of this has made your heart sink and now you’re dreading the next time you see her?
Below are some useful tips for keeping her advances at bay.
What if you’re not interested?
Of course, there’s always the dread that comes with having to reject someone.
On one hand, you don’t want to hurt her feelings or lose her as a friend, but on the other hand, you don’t see her as more than a friend.
Or her flirty, subtle, and not so subtle hints have made you uncomfortable and you want to know how to put an end to it.
Both are valid reasons, and both can be achieved by following these steps:
- Don’t pay attention when she tries to flirt or give you special treatment
- Avoid being available for her whenever she wants to see you – the more you do this the quicker she’ll realize you’re not feeling it
- Make it clear that you’re either dating other people or that you’re enjoying being single
- Don’t flirt back – even if it seems harmless and fun, she might get the wrong message
- Reconfirm how much you value the friendship – she might realize that you don’t want to risk it by taking things further
But most importantly if she doesn’t get the message – be honest with her.
If she’s in an emotionally turbulent place, the other tips might not get through to her, but a gentle, honest conversation about what’s going on certainly will.
At this point, she might be embarrassed or try to downplay it, so if you do value the friendship then the kindest thing to do is let it go.
Don’t mention it again, and with time she’ll hopefully overcome her crush on you and you can continue to have a great friendship or working relationship.
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