I’ve had various situations in my life where I really liked a girl but I was scared of rejection. It was an especially big problem in my 20s.
I didn’t have high self-confidence or a very big friend circle and I felt doubtful that any really attractive, interesting girl could be into me.
I could flirt or strike up a conversation, sure.
But when it came down to actually asking her out or going for a kiss?
You could find me sitting awkwardly in the university cafeteria or lifting weights at the gym trying to work off that excess testosterone and deep inner lack of self-worth.
Hey, at least I got big muscles (you’ll have to take my word for that).
Thankfully I’ve made a lot of progress on loving myself and understanding the difference between true love and intimacy and codependency.
I no longer worry that much about rejection, nor do I overthink things when I like a girl. If I like her I ask her out. Simple.
But I still clearly remember what it feels like to be very into a girl but afraid to escalate in case you’re rejected, humiliated, and lose any friendship or connection you already have with her.
Here are 17 signs that a guy likes you but is too afraid to ask you out.
1) He does (sometimes dorky) things to impress you
Don’t I know this one all too well. When a guy is into you he will often do (sometimes dorky) things to impress you.
Maybe he’ll mention he knows how to do Taekwondo or talk a lot about the music he likes that he heard you also like too. He won’t ask you out, but he’ll sure show you a lot of things that a guy who might ask you out would want to show you. Like his skills and how great a guy he is.
Maybe he’ll even start going to your church and expressing a major interest in your religion.
Guilty as charged. But seriously, it wasn’t (just) for the girl.
2) He does whatever you need
“Trust what he does. Not what he says.”
You’ve heard that phrase before, right?
It’s a great line because it’s true (it would also save a lot of heartaches if people followed it)
If he is helping you whenever you ask, keeping his promises, and showing up when he needs to show up, then you can bet your bottom dollar that he’s into you.
After all, a man that wants to be in a relationship with you will show their intentions with action.
You’re important to him, you’re clearly a priority, and he doesn’t want to disappoint you.
In fact, he wants to be your hero and save the day, but perhaps he is afraid to ask you out because he fears that you don’t see him as that.
3) He wants to spend time with you
This indicator seems obvious but it’s important to emphasize.
When a guy is into you but afraid of rejection he’ll play it safe. But he’ll still want to be around you as much as possible.
If he just saw you as a friend he’d still likely want to hang out, but he wouldn’t seek out spending time with you or want to connect the day after you just had a great time already the day before.
That’s what someone does when they are romantically interested in you.
Take a hint.
4) He’s touchy
We’re talking here about the kind of guy who’s feeling something for you but doesn’t want to get rejected. He will tend to be shy, possibly inexperienced, or have other issues: mainly a lack of self-confidence and masculine assertiveness.
Nonetheless, if he likes you he will be into touching you now and then or cuddling up, even in a friendly way.
In my case massage used to be quite the friend activity with girls I was into. A nice, friendly massage and a movie.
And if she touched me smiling like a contented Cheshire cat.
Sounds exactly what you’d do with someone you don’t want to date, right?
5) “You’re such a nice couple”
Back when I was the Undisputed Master of Friendzoneship this used to happen to me very frequently.
I’d be out with a girl I’d been friend-zoned by at a drop-in sport or chatting and laughing with her outside a college lecture and people would comment that we were such a nice couple.
Maybe they know something you don’t know?
It’s kind of obvious, no? They can tell he’s into you and maybe you’re a bit more into him than you know, too. They’re giving you a nudge: what are you waiting for? Get necking.
6) He laughs at your jokes
When I used to be into girls but afraid to ask them out I’d laugh at their every joke. There was nothing they could say that wouldn’t tickle my funny bone.
I’d even pretend to like TV shows they did or agree with radical opinions they had that I found absurd (is this a confession or something? I’m beginning to feel a little ashamed).
But let’s face it. When a guy likes you but is shy to take the next step, he’ll be hanging on your every word – and every joke.
7) He doesn’t talk much about his love life
Whenever she asks “what about you,” this shy guy who likes you clams up.
I know the feeling well. You don’t want to talk about your (lack of a) love life because the one you’re thinking of involves you and her and a romantic picnic and a perfect life togeth –
OK, where was I …
No regrets, right?
But seriously, if he’s clamming up every time you try to dig into your friend’s love life a little bit it’s because he likes you.
8) He remembers what you say
He could also just be a MENSA memory master genius. But chances are if he remembers what you say he’s into you.
It’s well known that when a relationship or marriage is going south one of the warning signs is that partners stop hearing (or caring) what the other one is saying.
It’s the opposite when a guy likes you. He will remember what you say and he will appreciate it, bringing it back up and building your rapport into a deep connection.
9) He puts it out there
Been there, done that. A guy who likes you but is afraid of rejection may just tell you he likes you without actually asking you out.
He does this because he’s scared and weak. I’ve been there. I once asked a girl “what about us being a couple?” and she responded with disbelief as if it hadn’t crossed her mind.
If a guy tells you he likes you or asks if you’ve ever thought about dating he’s just trying to beta test the big moment.
10) He flirts with you and teases you
There’s a big difference between friendly teasing and romantic teasing.
If you get butterflies in your stomach when he teases you then you should be able to tell that it’s no longer friend teasing.
If a guy teases and flirts with you in the way that men do when they want to win a woman’s heart then you can be sure that’s exactly what he’s doing, too.
11) Wild ride
This storyline is familiar from Hollywood movies: a guy who a girl sees as just a friend but who wants to be with her suddenly goes cold on her when she doesn’t feel the same as him.
She shakes it off as nothing but feels alone and empty, eventually realizing she’s in love with him.
Of course in reality women rarely fall in love with the kind of whimpering “nice guy” who won’t assert himself or believe in himself, but in the movies anything is possible.
Either way, if this guy shuts off when you make clear you see him as just a friend you can be sure you hit a nerve: the unrequited love nerve.
12) No distractions
These days smartphones are everything. It’s downright dumb.
Even during a date someone texts another person on the dating app they just met the new girl or guy on.
But if this shy guy is into you he won’t be scanning his phone when you’re hanging out.
Instead, he’ll be all about you and the time he spends with you.
13) He wants to let you know how great you are
Compliments are a classic sign of a guy who’s making a long move. He’s feeling it and wants to let you know.
Maybe he talks about your beauty, but chances are as a shy guy – and I’m speaking from experience here – he’ll tend to compliment you on more neutral things like how dedicated you are, how he admires your sense of humor or how he’s touched by how deeply you care about your family.
This is a guy letting you know he sees you for who you really are and wants to make clear how special you are to him.
14) Getting the message
When a guy likes a girl he often tells his friends. Then his friends joke and talk about it.
And it can sometimes find its way back to you. “X likes Y oh my gosh.” Yes, yes, ‘tis true.
Keep your ears open. These idle rumors you’re hearing from his friends could have more truth to them than you think.
15) He doesn’t love other guys flirting with you
I know this feeling too, although not in too crazy of a way, but when you like a girl who you’re not actually dating but are friends with it can make you uncomfortable to see her showing interest in other guys.
Or in my case what seemed like every other guy except me on the residence floor in my first year of university even though she seemed to be showing clear signs of being into me on a deeper level.
Did I walk around looking overjoyed when I passed her in the hall? Take a guess.
Dostoyevsky needs to write a book about me I swear.
But really, when he’s into you he’s not going to love you getting it on and flirting with other fellows. Basics, basics.
16) It’s in the eyes
Eye contact is the spark that lights the fire and when we’re attracted to someone we tend to look at them a lot.
If he’s making prolonged eye contact and seeking out your gaze then he’s probably not exactly comfortable staying forever in Friendship Flats.
Pay attention the next time he locks eyes with you.
Are those the eyes of a guy who’s content chilling with you or are they the eyes of a tiger (of love).
17) It just feels right
When you feel the chemistry and the personality and physical connection with someone it can be hard to put into words.
But it’s not hard to tell if it’s there or not.
If you’re feeling it then there’s a good chance he is too (or at least we can hope).
Many potential great love stories are sunk by someone doubting the feelings of the other person and giving up prematurely.
Remember, you’ll never know unless you ask or make a move, so do it before it’s too late.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.
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