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16 definite signs of guilt from your cheating husband

Image credit: Shutterstock - By Dmytro Zinkevych

Afraid your husband is cheating on you?

It’s a terrible feeling, but you’re not alone.

In this article, I’m going to share with you 16 signs that your husband has been cheating on you.

In fact, if you suspect your husband is feeling guilty about cheating on you, then you’ll be able to finally get to the truth after you read this post.

I hope for your sake you’re proven wrong.

First, is cheater’s guilt real?

Cheater’s guilt is a real thing.

Despite what you might think, most episodes of cheating are not pre-meditated and planned out as a secret rendezvous at a cheap motel off the highway.

Most people find themselves cheating on their partners in throws of passion and moments of weakness.

It happens every day with people in the workplace, with friends of your family, and ex-lovers.

Circumstances can be such that we find ourselves spending time with certain people more than we anticipated or thought.

When that happens, it creates a situation when people need one another to feel like they can carry on and cheating can be the result of that.

If you’ve ever heard of a woman’s best friend sleeping with her husband, it’s because the circumstance and closeness of the situation made it possible for that to happen.

But it’s nobody’s fault – not all the time.

Sometimes, these things really do just happen and people feel tremendously guilty about it.

While cheating can tear friendships and relationships apart, more often than not, it’s a one-time thing that can be forgiven and forgotten – eventually.

There’s a difference between an indiscretion and a long-term relationship that is developing outside of your marriage or long-term partnership.

If you think he’s cheated once and feels horrible about it, that’s very different than thinking he’s got another family down the road that he looks after on weekends.

Either way, here’s how you can tell if what he’s going through is cheater’s guilt or something else.

16 surefire signs of husband cheating guilt

Image credit: Shutterstock – Cookie Studio

1. He’s full of self-loathing and seems really emotional lately

If your guy is usually on the up-and-up and loves to go out and hang out with friends and do things with you but lately it seems like he’s just spending time with his head down trying to get through the day, it could be a sign that things are off.

If he’s not making eye contact and is being short with you when he speaks to you, it’s because he’s trying to hide his feelings and what he did and he’s trying to avoid telling you.

If you think something has happened and you suspect that his new behavior is guilt, it’s best to talk to him about it and ask him what’s really going on.

As hard as it may be, try not to accuse him of anything. Let him tell you on his own terms.

2. He’s paying more attention to you

Another really interesting sign that your guy is cheating on you is one that is far more obvious than being ignored: he’s paying more attention to you.

If you normally pass each other in the hallways, share dinner and tuck the kids in before bed and then pass out while watching Netflix but he’s suddenly on you like white on rice, it could be because he’s trying to make up for the guilt he has about cheating.

Guys who cheat don’t always go on to become long-term cheaters; some guys do it once and then realize they’ve made a horrible mistake.

If that has happened, he’s going to do the opposite of ignoring you and he’s going to show you just how much he loves you and wants you in his life.

3. He is gaslighting you

Do you feel like you can’t get a straight answer out of this mouth? Does it seem as if he is almost trying to confuse you?

This is actually known as gaslighting, which is a common manipulation tactic.

For example, your husband comes home late at night, and you ask him why.

He knows he was doing something you wouldn’t like, and is thus reluctant to admit it.

Maybe he was out cheating, drinking, gambling, or any number of things.

Your husband now finds himself stuck in a situation he wasn’t prepared to face.

But he feels that the easiest way out of it is to find fault in you.

So he asks: “Why are you still awake? Do you not trust me?”, or he can also ask, “Why do I always have to be so punctual in this relationship? Why are you so uptight?”

Suddenly the situation is reversed. Your husband now feels empowered by his own fictional victimized role in the relationship.

He pushes his accusations: your paranoia, your lack of trust, your uptightness.

The initial conflict – him being late with no explanation – becomes overshadowed and eventually forgotten, because his accusations are now a greater issue.

4. They point out your shortcomings

This is similar to gasligthing. Your husband may do whatever they can to make you the bad egg in this relationship.

Therefore, he might pick fights and find ways in which you’re not acting like a supportive wife.

Again, this is just a smokescreen, to divert attention from what they are doing to what you are doing.

If you’re the one who is causing the majority of the problems in the relationship, then the conversation can’t turn to their cheating ways.

5. He’s disappearing without explanation

If your guy starts coming home late from work or isn’t coming home at all and suddenly needs to travel for a job he’s never traveled for before, it could be a major sign that he’s cheating on you.

When things become so elaborate that he has to create stories to get out of the house to be with his mistress (or mister!) then it’s beyond the point of repair for most couples.

Not only is he cheating on you, which could be explained away if it was just an accident that happened once (and yes, people do describe it like that), but he is now concocting an elaborate set of lies to keep you off his trail.

That’s hurtful and creates an even bigger mess than the cheating itself.

6. They are suddenly moody without explanation or apology.

If they’re hiding something, they might not be hiding it all that well.

Caleb Backe, Health and Wellness Expert for Maple Holistics, tells Bustle, that unexplained mood swings could be a sign of cheating.

Sometimes people are really bad at keeping their secrets hidden and they’ll try to pin a lot of guilt on you and point out all the things you are doing wrong to take the light off of them.

It’s a manipulation tactic that tries to make you look like the bad guy so that you won’t be surprised when you find out that she/he was cheating on you.

However, it’s important to note that they may just be having a bad day, but if you can’t find any reason for their sudden change in emotion, then it might be time to start thinking.

7. You think he’s cheating

Sorry to burst your bubble right out of the gate, but if you suspect he’s cheating or you have an inkling that he might be, the hard reality is that he probably is.

You should trust your gut and confront him about your suspicions and ask him what’s going on.

Easier said than done, of course, but most women who think their partners are cheating on them are right.

8. He’s totally distant and checked out

Barring any major meltdown at work or with his family, there’s no need for him to suddenly pull away from you and ignore you.

He might be trying to be present, but you can see the distance in his eyes and he hasn’t touched you in weeks.

While there are lots of mental health reasons why that might be happening and that’s a conversation to have for sure, there is also a good chance that it’s circumstantial and he’s trying to hide something from you because he feels guilty.

He pulls away to keep himself from saying it out loud.

9. They are hiding things from you on their phone.

If they seem to panic when you pick up their phone or laptop and are suddenly trying to control what you can and can’t do on their phone, something is wrong.

According to counselor and therapist, Dr. Tracey Phillips, hiding things from you on their phone may be a sign of cheating:

“They could be trying to avoid receiving any questionable calls or texts in your presence.”

If you have been in a relationship for any length of time, you’ve had access to emails, texts, contact lists, or more and if they are pulling back from that access, it might be because there are suddenly new names and numbers in those contact lists.

If you notice that your husband is deleting texts and constantly clearing his browsing history, then that may not be a good sign.

Does your partner take their phone with them even to the bathroom?

While we all deserve privacy, if you ask to use their phone and they say no, Psychologist Robert Weiss says that this is a problem because “honestly, what could possibly be there – other than information about your surprise birthday – that they would want to keep secret?”

10. He’s suddenly taking a lot of showers

Unless he’s been hitting the gym more often and needs a shower, he’s trying to wash off the cheating: literally and figuratively.

Cheaters have a lot of guilt and want to cleanse themselves of that guilt as quickly as possible.

Even if he is in love with this other person, he doesn’t want to hurt you and will do what he can to keep that secret from you.

Little does he know, it’s hurting you anyway and the truth is always better than a watered-down lie.

11. He’s accusing you of cheating on him

Now, this is a tricky one because some people can’t handle their own shit and drama. If he’s suddenly accusing you of cheating on him without any rhyme or reason, it could be that he’s projecting his own guilt onto you.

People do this more often than we realize and yell and scream at us for things they did.

Gaslighting is a common approach here and if you catch him cheating he might try to turn things around and tell you it’s all your fault he strayed in the first place.

Keep your wits about you and watch for some of these signs to help guide your conversation.

12. He suddenly gives a crap about his appearance

Couples fall into routines and slumps even and if he’s been wearing joggers around the house for years after work and suddenly gets cleaned up and dressed up on the way out the door to meet some friends after work, he might be cheating.

When guys find a new love interest, they want to look their best so others will pay attention to them.

He might even turn it on you and tell you that you should dress up more and that you should do something with your hair as a way to mask what he’s doing but pay no attention to his distracting ways. He means to keep you from finding out what he’s really doing.

13. Sex is off the table

One of the first areas of your relationship to examine when you feel your husband pulling away is your sex life.

Now, you might be inclined to blame a lack of sex on kids, time, energy, responsibilities, or any number of things, but if your husband wants and needs sex to feel loved and you’re not into it, he’s going to pull away because he feels unloved by you.

The irony here is that you’ll also feel unloved by him but so many people don’t take the time to understand their role in a crumbling marriage that these signs go overlooked.

So which is it: is he turning you down or are you turning him down? Or both?

14. He’s got a wandering eye

Now, while there is lots you can do to help jazz up your sex life, there is not much you can do to control his wandering eye problem.

If your husband seems to pay more attention to other women, or talks about other women a lot or seems to be invested in what other women are doing and doesn’t give you the time of day, something’s up.

Of course, your first instinct is to think he’s cheating, but it might be that he’s not interested in the relationship anymore or wants something more exciting in his life.

Marriage gets old really fast – something a lot of people don’t talk about – and if you feel him pulling away from you, it might be a good idea to talk about it before it turns into something you can’t come back from.

15. He’s not home anymore

If you find that he’s taking on more work, coming home later, leaving for work earlier and not checking in throughout the day, it could be a sign that he’s distancing himself from you.

Men (and women) do this to make it easier to walk away when the time comes. If they carry on like everything is fine, then things may go on like that for a while, but if he’s preparing to leave or cheat, he’ll start to put distance between you and him.

The irony is that he’s doing that so he doesn’t hurt you as much, even though the distance can hurt more than the ultimate outcome that it leads to if uncorrected.

If you’ve decided you want to try to save your marriage, talk to him about it. T

hese are tough conversations, no doubt, but the good thing that comes from them is that you’ll have your answers and can stop worrying about what might happen.

16. He’s not trying

At this point, he’s basically a bump on a log (ass on the couch), flipping through the channels and waiting for dinner to be ready.

He doesn’t ask you about your day or listens attentively when you talk. He is going through the motions and you feel taken for granted and unloved.

Whether or not he means to hurt you this way is not the point: if he was invested in the relationship, he would do more to show you.

And if this is just the way he is, you need to decide if that is enough for you.

In many cases, women stay with men out of habit, not love, so before you go pointing fingers at him for not loving you anymore, make sure you actually care what happens in this relationship too.

 

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Lachlan Brown

Written by Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 6 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Twitter or Facebook.

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