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21 undeniable signs he loves you (and 14 signs he doesn’t)

Stop wondering if he’s in love with you and know for sure with this list of 21 signs that you’ve won his heart.

It’s pretty black and white, cut and dry, salt and pepper if you ask us, but see what you think.

Once you read this list, you’ll wonder why you didn’t know it before! The signs are so obvious and even if he doesn’t know it yet, you’ll know for sure that he has fallen deeply for you!

21 clear-cut signs he loves you deeply

A couple bonding. Signs he respects you.

1. He’s more distant than usual

It might seem strange that a guy would pull away from you, but if he is confused about his feelings or he doesn’t understand what is happening in his heart, you might find him being more distant than usual.

Many women say they thought their guy was about to break up with them when he popped the question!

So don’t fret if you feel like he might be turning away – he might just be reaching for the ring.

2. He protects you

Men are naturally protective over women. A study published in the Physiology & Behavior journal shows that male’s testosterone makes them feel protective over their mate’s safety and wellbeing.

Does your man protect you? Not just from physical harm, but does he make sure you’re protected when any negative situation arises?

Congratulations. This is a definite sign he loves you.

There’s actually a fascinating new concept in relationship psychology that’s getting a lot of buzz at the moment. It goes to the heart of the riddle about why men fall in love—and who they fall in love with.

The theory claims that men want to be your hero. That they want to step up to the plate for the woman in their lives and provide and protect her.

This is deeply rooted in male biology.

People are calling it the hero instinct. I wrote a detailed primer about the concept which you can read here.

The kicker is that a man won’t fall in love with you when he doesn’t feel like your hero.

He wants to see himself as a protector. As someone you genuinely want and need to have around. Not as an accessory, ‘best friend’, or ‘partner in crime’.

I know this might sound a bit silly. In this day and age, women don’t need someone to rescue them. They don’t need a ‘hero’ in their lives.

And I couldn’t agree more.

But here’s the ironic truth. Men do still need to be a hero. Because it’s built into our DNA to seek out relationships that allow us to feel like a protector.

If you would like to learn more about the hero instinct, check out this free online video by the relationship psychologist who coined the term. He provides a fascinating insight into this new concept.

3. He’ll go out of his way for you

It doesn’t matter when you need, if you call him, he will come to you.

If you need advice, a ride, some help, or just a shoulder to cry on, he’ll find a way to get to you and make sure that everything is okay.

If a guy hasn’t said it yet, but is always there for you at a drop of a hat, he probably loves you, and he might even love you secretly.

4. You are his priority

While work and family are pretty important to him, he wants you to know that you are someone special in his life.

That means that he puts your needs over his own and he’ll compromise where he can to make you happy.

5. He wants your advice about his life

If your guy is asking your opinion about an important decision that he needs to make, it’s likely that he trusts your sense and is already in love with you.

It means he really cares what you think, which, in turn, means he really cares about you.

6. He is making plans for your future

If he lets it slip that you’ll travel or buy a home or do anything together after next week, there’s a good chance he’s into you and is already in love.

Guys don’t make a lot of plans for the future that they say out loud, so if your man is all about what is happening next week, next month, next year – there’s a good chance he’s going to be yours forever.

RELATED: My love life was a train wreck until I discovered this one “secret” about men

7. He won’t forget the little things

He’ll remember when you have an appointment or need to be somewhere for a family function.

He won’t bail on responsibilities and he’ll always remember when you got together, even if you don’t.

He’ll ask about your parents and your friends and he’ll ask how work is going, and remember to ask about that weiner, Susan, in accounting that you hate just so you have a chance to complain about her.

8. He wants to be close to you

He’ll make an effort to be physically close to you as much as possible.

If you are out for dinner, you’ll find him sitting on the same side of the table as you; he’ll stand near you at a party; he’ll want to be closer to you in the car. It makes him happy.

It’s all his way of saying he loves you without actually saying, you know, he loves you.

9. He compliments you

Guys who care go out of their way to let you know that you look good. Even on your worst days, he’ll find something nice to say about you to lift your spirits.

It’s not because he’s just blowing smoke your way: he might not be able to say he loves you with the actual words, but he can say it in other ways.

(Most women do something that drives men away… without ever realizing it. Discover what it is here).

10. He wants to please you

He’ll make an effort to make you happy. If he says things such as, “as long as you are happy, then he is happy” – you know he’s yours.

He sends you cute good morning messages because he knows it will get your day started off in a great fashion.

11. He shows up with plans already made

If he surprises you with dinner reservations, dancing, and a fun night on the town – he’s a keeper.

Guys fall into habits and routines pretty hard, so if your guy is putting on the ritz, it might be because he’s fallen for you and realizes you are worth the effort.

12. He would drop everything to come to you

Regardless of how important everything else is in his life, you are his number one priority. You just know that he would come running if you needed him to save you.

13. He tells his friends about you

If his friends mention that he talks about you, you can rest assured that he is in love.

Again, men are not all about expressing feelings and if he comfortable enough to tell them things about you, they know it’s love – so you can know it for sure now too!

14. He’ll watch out for you

He’s got your back. And while that might not mean a whole lot right now in the early stages of your relationship, when things get hairy down the road, you’ll want to know that he is there for you.

He shows you that he will be now by doing what he said he will do, encouraging you to follow your dreams, and being present when he’s with you. These are great signs that he loves you deeply.

(Article continues below…)

If your love life is also a "train wreck", read this...

After a lifetime of failure, Hack Spirit writer Pearch Nash is currently in the most secure and passionate relationship of her life.


Because she set out to learn more about how men really think. In doing so, she discovered this one “secret” about men.

Read about her search for a solution to her “train wreck” love life…

… and the fascinating insight into male psychology she learned along the way.

15. You find him sneaking peeks at you from across the room

If you catch your guy treating you like eye candy from across the room, it’s a good thing.

If he can’t take his eyes off you, even if you’ve been together a while and he hasn’t said “I love you”, you can bet he does with the way he looks at you.

16. He’s not a quitter

If you’ve had your first fight and he isn’t running for the hills, there’s a good chance he sees potential in this relationship and is already invested in making it work.

So give the guy some space and he’ll come to his senses that he loves you. Besides, if you already know, there’s no rush to get him to say it. He’ll come around.

17. He gets a little jealous

This may be a surprising sign, but when you think about it, jealousy is a natural reaction that men find hard to control.

And if they show jealousy, it’s a clear sign that they have strong emotions for you.

Relationship expert Dr. Terri Orbuch says:

“Jealousy is among the most human of all emotions. You feel jealous when you think you are going to lose a relationship you really value.”

Even in large groups, if he loves you, he might go out of his own way to make sure he is closer to you, and interrupting conversations with other men.

Not all men will do this. After all, they won’t want to be too controlling.

But they may ask you why you were talking to a particular guy. He might not even realize himself, but his actions speak louder than his words.

18. He wants to know your future plans

If he is truly in love with you, then he’ll want to know what you’re planning for the future.

If you mention that you’re thinking of moving away or getting a job overseas, he’ll be visibly devasted at the thought of it.

Marisa T. Cohen, Ph.D., associate professor of psychology at St. Francis College says that when partners ask each other questions about the future, it shows “a certain level of intimacy”.

This is an important sign to pay attention to as it shows what kind of future you might have together.

Does he use the word “we” when talking to you about the future? If so, he loves you.

19. He shows up when you need help

If he is the person you think to call when something is wrong, there’s no question that you’re in love.

But if he the person who actually shows up when things are going wrong, then he might be in love too.

According to psychotherapist Christine Scott-Hudson:

“Pay twice as much attention to how someone treats you than what they say. Anybody can say they love you, but behavior doesn’t lie. If someone says they value you, but their actions indicate otherwise, trust their behavior.”

The fact of the matter is this: If he is showing he cares for you with action, then he might be a guy that you want to hold onto.

Remember, their actions, not their words, will tell you everything.

RELATED: 3 ways to make a man addicted to you

20. He is your biggest fan

Whether you’re cooking a romantic dinner for the two of you, or you’re playing a video game, he is cheering for you on the sidelines.

“A partner who loves you will always do [their] best to truly support you in pursuing your dreams,” Jonathan Bennett, relationship and dating expert at Double Trust Dating, told Bustle.

It’s not always easy to tell if a man loves you, but if he is always in your corner, then you can bet he cares.

21. He tries to make you feel better

When life gives you lemons, this man shows up and helps you make lemonade. He works hard to help you stop worrying about the little things and focus on what matters.

This is because he cares about how you’re experiencing life, and most importantly, how you’re feeling.

According to Dr. Suzana E. Flores, when someone is in love, they tend to show strong empathy:

“Someone in love will care about your feelings and your well-being…If he or she is able to show empathy or is upset when you are, not only do they have your back but they also probably have strong feelings for you.”

If he is always there for you, helping you get over what you need to get over, then you can bet your bottom dollar he is in love with you.

On the other hand, 14 signs he doesn’t love you

Image credit: Shutterstock – By Roman Kosolapov

1. He doesn’t feel essential to you

For a man, feeling essential to a woman is often what separates “like” from “love”.

Don’t get me wrong, no doubt your guy loves your strength and abilities to be independent. But he still wants to feel wanted and useful — not dispensable!

This is because men have a built in desire for something “greater” that goes beyond love or sex. It’s why men who seemingly have the “perfect girlfriend” are still unhappy and find themselves constantly searching for something else —  or worst of all, someone else.

Simply put, men have a biological drive to feel needed, to feel important, and to provide for the woman he cares about.

Relationship psychologist James Bauer calls it the hero instinct. I talked briefly about this concept above.

As James argues, male desires are not complicated, just misunderstood. Instincts are powerful drivers of human behavior and this is especially true for how men approach their relationships.

So, when the hero instinct isn’t triggered, men are unlikely to commit to a relationship with any woman. He holds back because being in a relationship is a serious investment for him. And he won’t fully “invest” in you unless you give him a sense of meaning and purpose and make him feel essential.

How do you trigger this instinct in him, and give him this sense of meaning and purpose?

You don’t need to pretend to be anyone you’re not or play the “damsel in distress”. You don’t have to dilute your strength or independence in any way, shape or form.

In an authentic way, you simply have to show your man what you need and allow him to step up to fulfill it.

In his new video, James Bauer outlines several things you can do. He reveals phrases, texts and little requests that you can use right now to make him feel more essential to you.

By triggering this very natural male instinct, you’ll not only give him greater satisfaction but it will also help to rocket your relationship to the next level.

Here’s a link to his unique video again.

2. You don’t trust him

If you think that he may be betraying you, or cheating on you, then obviously you have to wonder if he actually loves you.

If you’re struggling to trust him, then your intuition may be telling you that he doesn’t love you.

Remember, without trust, a relationship can’t grow.

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3. He’s making you feel like you’re not good enough

How do you feel around him? If he’s making you feel insecure, then it’s a fair chance that he doesn’t love you.

Love is a powerful emotion that makes the giver and receiver feel great.

4. He’s ignoring you

While we may mention that if he loves you, he may appear more distant, unfortunately, it may also mean that he doesn’t love you.

If he’s ignoring your texts and taking ages to respond, then you might not be at the forefront of his mind.

A man that truly loves you will want to make time for you and see you whenever he can.

5. He doesn’t listen to you

A man that loves you will respect your opinions and listen to what you have to say.

But if he’s not taking your advice on board and ignoring your opinions, then it shows a lack of respect. And without respect, love is near impossible.

6. He refuses to make plans for the future

This is a warning sign that he doesn’t see a future with you. If he truly loves you, he’d be planning his future around you.

7. He only cares about sex

If he’s meeting up with you only to have sex with you, then he might just be using you for fun.

If he loves you and wants to have a relationship with you, then sex will only be one facet of the relationship.

RELATED: Is your man pulling away? Don’t make this one BIG mistake

8. He never buys you anything

I’m not talking about expensive material objects. I’m simply talking about getting you things that you need and want, even if it’s just a toothbrush.

A man that truly loves you will be thinking of you all the time and getting you things he knows you need.

9. He hasn’t told any of his friends or family about you

If his friends haven’t heard of you and don’t know who you are then he might not be that into you.

Any man that loves you deeply will undoubtedly tell their closest friends about you. They’ll be proud of you and will want to show you off.

10. He’s cheated on you

If he has cheated on you, then it might be a sign that he isn’t in love with you. After all, when we enter into a relationship, we commit to each other and that means being monogamous.

Now if this is in the past, and you feel like he has truly made an effort since then, then he may love you.

But if he doesn’t seem remorseful about it, then that might be a sign that he just doesn’t love you.

When you love someone, you should feel genuinely terrible about hurting them, and if he can’t even muster up the emotion to feel terrible about cheating on you, then he may not truly love you.

11. He doesn’t trust you

If he doesn’t trust anything you say or do, and he is never truly sure what you’re getting up to behind his back, then he may not really love you.

According to him, you might be having a secret relationship on the side.

But when you love someone, you know that is simply not the case. With true love, comes trust. And with trust, a relationship thrives.

Remember, trust is one of the most important traits for a relationship to survive, according to Rob Pascale, Ph.D. says in Psychology Today:

“Trust is one of the keystones of any relationship—without it two people cannot be comfortable with each other and the relationship lacks stability.”

12. He is way too clingy or needy

Has he stopped you from seeing your friends? Is he trying to control your schedule? Does he not trust anything you do when you’re not with him?

What may seem like “lovey-dovey” can also be clingy, needy and insecure.

True love doesn’t lead to these behaviors. It leads to trust, not toxicity. If they’re trying to control you, it’s not a sign of love but a sign of a toxic relationship.

13. They’re putting you down and making you feel like sh*t

If you’re feeling crap around them because they’re lowering your self-esteem with subtle, backhanded statements, then it’s a clear sign that the relationship probably isn’t benefiting you and he doesn’t truly love you.

It’s never fun to be on the receiving end of an insulting comment. You might tell yourself to ignore the comment, but part of it may inevitably stick, and you worry that something is actually “wrong” with you.

Anyone that makes you feel worse, even if it is not intentional, probably doesn’t love you.

14. He is hiding you from his loved ones

Introducing your family and friends to your partner is not something you take lightly. It’s a huge step.

But if you’ve been together for a while and he still hasn’t introduced you to his family and friends, then something is definitely up.

According to relationship expert, Susan Winter, “gaining access to your partner’s inner circle is a mark of their commitment”.

So if you feel like he just won’t introduce you to his family or friends, that’s a red flag that he might not love you.

Does he love you? Or doesn’t he?

The truth is that he may not even know the answer…

Men are wired differently to women. We’re driven by different things when it comes to relationships. And most of the time, we’re not even consciously aware of the things that drive us.

I’ve recently been introduced to a fascinating new concept in relationship psychology that explains so much about men: the hero instinct.

What is it?

As I touched upon earlier in this article, the hero instinct is the basic biological urge men have to provide for and protect women.

Simply put, men want to be your hero. Not necessarily an action hero like Thor, but he does want to step up to the plate for the woman in his life. And to be appreciated for his efforts.

For many women, learning about the hero instinct was their “aha moment”. It was for Hack Spirit writer Pearl Nash.

Some ideas really are life-changing. And for romantic relationships, this is one of them.

Watch this free online video where James Bauer explains in simple terms what the hero instinct is really about.

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Lachlan Brown

Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 6 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Twitter or Facebook.
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