It’s no secret that men aren’t always forthcoming with their feelings for women.
A lot of times, guys are afraid they are going to scare a girl off if they make a declaration of love too soon.
That being said, sometimes they don’t even realize how hard they have fallen until sometimes it’s almost too late – Enter romantic comedy with dramatic kissing scene at the end, just in time for a fairy-tale ending.
It might seem far-fetched to wind up in a situation like that, but it does happen. Guys don’t always know they are in love – and that’s the truth.
If you want to know what’s going on and you can’t wait for him to catch up to his feelings, here are some secret signs to look for in his behavior.
1. He’s a perfect gentleman
He is working hard to make a lasting impression on you.
He does and says all the right things and is very conscientious about how he looks, acts, and shows up.
He wants everything to be perfect because he knows you deserve everything to be just right. While he might fail miserable, his heart is in the right place and it says a lot about how he feels about you.
He respects, he trusts you, and these two components are a huge for a successful relationship.
“Love brings bliss to both types of relationships, but only if tempered by respect.” – Peter Gray Ph.D. in Psychology Today
2. He loves how weird you are
If he doesn’t run in the other direction when you act like your weird self, and if he somehow finds it endearing and charming, it’s because he’s in love.
There are plenty of guys out there who might think you are cute and silly, but if he is into it and laughs his head off at your crazy behavior, it’s a telling sign that he loves you – all of you. And your weirdness.
In fact, this is probably why he understands you so well and has the ability to pick you up when you’re feeling down.
Jonathan Bennett, a Dating/Relationship Coach, told Bustle, “If your partner possesses the ability to brighten your mood with a few words of praise when you need it most, it’s a great sign that he or she understands what makes you tick and appreciates your authentic self. This person is a definite keeper!”
3. He wants to protect you
A surefire way you can tell that he loves you, before he even knows himself, is if he makes an effort to protect you.
Subtle gestures like placing his hand on your back as you walk in front of you, or touching your shoulder when you are in a strange place together.
Or if you’re in a stressful situation, such as crossing the road on a busy street, he’ll make sure protecting you is his first priority.
All of this is his way of saying he loves you and wants you to be safe.
There’s actually a psychological concept generating a lot of buzz at the moment that explains why men are so protective of the person they love.
It’s called the hero instinct.
According to this theory, a man will only fall in love with a woman when he feels like he is her provider and protector. Someone that she genuinely admires for what he does for her.
In other words, men simply want to be your hero.
I know it sounds a bit silly. In this day and age, women don’t need someone to rescue them. They don’t need a ‘hero’ in their lives.
And I couldn’t agree more.
But here’s the ironic truth. Men do still need to be a hero. Because it’s built into their DNA to seek out relationships that allow them to feel like a protector.
And the kicker?
A man won’t fall in love with a woman when this thirst isn’t satisfied.
He wants to protect you. He wants to be someone you genuinely want and need to have around. Not a mere accessory, ‘best friend’, or ‘partner in crime’.
So, if you love your guy and want him to love you back, you need to trigger the hero instinct in him.
By finding ways to make him feel like your hero. There’s an art to doing this which can be a lot of fun when you know exactly what to do. But it requires a little more work than just asking him to fix your computer or carry your heavy bags.
The best way to learn how to trigger the hero instinct in your guy is to watch this free online video.
James Bauer, the relationship psychologist who first coined this term, reveals exactly what you need to do to trigger this very natural male instinct.
4. His body language is all off
Even though Mr. Right seems to be saying and doing all the right things, you notice that he’s body language isn’t quite lining up.
While most articles would tell you to watch for telling signs in his body language, it might be that he is so nervous that he’s messing it up completely.
You might think he’s a total loser and can’t put one foot in front of the other, but look closer at how hard he is trying to impress you.
If it’s coming out all wrong, it’s not for lack of trying to show you how he feels while maintaining (poorly) some kind of composure.
5. What does Sigmund Freud say?
To work out whether he’s falling in love with you or is just playing games, you need real and honest advice.
Having studied relationships and psychology most of my adult life, I know a thing or two about it.
But why not turn to the most famous psychologist of all?
Yes, Dr. Sigmund Freud can tell you exactly what his feelings are.
Simply take this brilliant quiz from my friends at Ideapod. Answer a few personal questions and Freud himself will dredge through all the subconscious issues motivating your man to give you the most accurate (and downright fun) answer of all.
Sigmund Freud was the grand master at understanding sex and attraction. This quiz is the next best thing to setting down one-on-one with the famous psychoanalyst.
I took it myself a few weeks ago and was amazed at the unique insights I received.
6. He gives you all of his attention
There might be millions of women out there but to him you really are one in a million. He only cares about what you are doing and how you are doing.
He doesn’t pay attention to others around him, especially women. He locks eyes on you and can’t look away.
He will spend hours talking to you, even if you think there are much prettier women in the room that he could be talking to.
Research from Loyola University suggests that people who are in love have lower levels of serotonin, which could be a sign of obsession.
“This may explain why we concentrate on little other than our partner during the early stages of a relationship,” said obstetrician-gynecologist Mary Lynn, DO.
Don’t let a little self-doubt fool you: this guy has fallen hard. With so many distractions in the world today, if someone pays you that much attention, it’s with good reason.
7. His smile says it all
That smile could stop a train and if he’s flashing it you from across the room or next to you in the bed, he’s yours.
You can’t fake happiness. Lots of people try and it just doesn’t work. If he’s smiling his head off when you are around it’s because he means to smile like that.
He loves spending time with you and loves what he sees.
8. He’s hot and cold
Does he act weird around you? And go hot and cold like a flick of the switch?
Now, being hot and cold isn’t a sign that he loves you — but it’s not necessarily a sign that he definitely doesn’t.
Men go cold and pull away suddenly all the time. What you have to do is get inside his head and figure out why.
The truth is most women don’t know what men are thinking, what they want in life, and what they really crave from a relationship.
And the reason is simple.
Male and female brains are biologically different. For instance, the limbic system is the emotional processing center of the brain and it’s much larger in the female brain than in a man’s.
That’s why women are more in touch with their emotions. And why guys can struggle to process and understand their feelings.
Have you ever been let down by an emotionally unavailable man before? Blame his biology rather than him.
To stimulate the emotional part of a man’s brain, you have to communicate with him in a way that he’ll actually understand.
Try watching this simple and genuine video from Carlos Cavallo.
Most men don’t think about commitment in a logical way. Because men are mainly concerned with how the relationship makes them feel about themselves.
In short, your man needs to feel like he’s found the absolute best woman for him. Like he’s won the game of love.
Carlos Cavallo will show you a really simple and genuine way to give your man this unique feeling…
9. He can’t sit still
Guys get nervous around women that they adore. If he’s in love, you are going to be able to tell because he will fidget and shift positions in the chair all night long.
He’ll laugh nervously and feel insecure around you. He’ll want everything to be perfect. He’ll get up and sit down and not really have a good reason for doing either.
He’s going to move around a lot and you’ll wonder if he has ants in his pants; what he has is unexplained and often unrecognized love in his heart.
10. Your sex life is off the hook
The general consensus is that sex with someone you love is a million times better than sex with someone you don’t love.
And while there are plenty of options for both, most people would prefer to have sex with someone they feel connected to and in love with.
If you find that your sex life has changed – for the better – with nothing else really being said about your relationship, it could be a sign that he has shifted into love mode.
It’s not just about the physical benefits of sex, but he’s in it for the connection now.
11. He’s not afraid to be himself
Guys talk a good game but if he can relax and be himself around you – his words – then you know he’s into you as much as you are into him.
He can his true authentic self because he trusts you and feels comfortable.
According to Rob Pascale and Lou Primavera Ph.D. in Psychology Today, “Trust is one of the keystones of any relationship—without it two people cannot be comfortable with each other and the relationship lacks stability.”
If you find he is different around his friends and family than how he acts around you, this could be a red flag that he is trying to hide something from you.
More often than not, however, it’s actually that he feels the most comfortable with you and so you get to see the real him.
How can you tell?
Pay attention to what he tells you about himself. If he seems to be leaving out details or is glazing over important parts of the conversation, it’s not really love.
12. He wants to help
Men thrive on solving women’s problems.
If you have something you need fixed, or your computer is acting up, or if you have a problem in life and you simply need some advice, then seek your man out.
A man wants to feel essential. And he wants to be the first person you turn to when you genuinely need help.
Although asking for your man’s help may seem fairly innocuous, it actually helps to trigger something deep within him. Something that is crucial to a loving, long term relationship.
For a man, feeling essential to a woman is often what separates “like” from “love”.
Don’t get me wrong, no doubt your guy loves your strength and abilities to be independent. But he still wants to feel wanted and useful — not dispensable!
Simply put, men have a biological drive to feel needed, to feel important, and to provide for the woman he cares about.
Relationship psychologist James Bauer calls it the hero instinct. I talked about this concept above.
As James argues, male desires are not complicated, just misunderstood. Instincts are powerful drivers of human behavior and this is especially true for how men approach their relationships.
So, when the hero instinct isn’t triggered, men are unlikely to commit to a relationship with any woman. He holds back because being in a relationship is a serious investment for him. And he won’t fully “invest” in you unless you give him a sense of meaning and purpose and make him feel essential.
How do you trigger this instinct in him, and give him this sense of meaning and purpose?
You don’t need to pretend to be anyone you’re not or play the “damsel in distress”. You don’t have to dilute your strength or independence in any way, shape or form.
In an authentic way, you simply have to show your man what you need and allow him to step up to fulfill it.
In his new video, James Bauer outlines several things you can do. He reveals phrases, texts and little requests that you can use right now to make him feel more essential to you.
By triggering this very natural male instinct, you’ll not only give him greater satisfaction but it will also help to rocket your relationship to the next level.
Here’s a link to his unique video again.
13. He takes you home
Besides wanting to take you home to fool around, he also wants you to be in his space to just hang out and get to know him better.
Regardless of how long you have been dating, if he cleans up and invites you into his home, it’s a good thing.
But if he wants you around when he wakes up, or while he’s lazing around watching television on a Friday night, it’s because he cares more than he is letting on.
He wants to share spontaneous moments with you and those can’t happen unless you are around more often.
14. He only has eyes for you
You’ll know he loves you by watching how he interacts with other women.
Whether at a party or restaurant, if he isn’t paying attention to anyone but you it’s because he can’t get enough of you.
Lots of guys won’t say how they are feeling, but you can get a lot from him without him realizing it by watching how he behaves.
If he’s attentive and listening to you, especially if the cell phone is away and/or turned off – he’s in love.
15. He introduces you to the special people in his life
If he wants you to meet his family and friends, it’s serious.
He might not have told you how he feels, but a nonchalant invitation to the family home over the weekend is a big deal.
He wants to know what they think of you, and while it would be better if he could just make up his mind about this on his own, this is his way of telling the people in his life that he loves you.
16. He doesn’t stop talking about you to other people
Whether you’ve had one date or one hundred dates, if he is gushing about you to his friends and family or, better yet, to your friends about you, it’s love.
He might not have worked up the nerve to say those words just yet but if he is going on and on about how amazing you are, even when you aren’t around and you catch wind of that, it’s real.
17. He can forgive and forget
Every relationship has its problems, even new ones.
If he is able to get over whatever has tripped the two of you up or if he has displayed an ability to get over his past issues with previous girlfriends, this is a good thing.
If he says he is sorry first and wants to make amends before things get out of control, he’s in love.
It could be that a crisis could bring him out of his shell and cause him to finally confess his love for you, but even still, if he wants to figure things out before you walk out the door, he’s yours.
18. He talks about the future with you in it
If whenever he talks about the future he assumes that you’re in it, that’s a great sign that he truly loves you.
Not only that, but if he asks you about your future, he is most likely trying to figure out if it fits into his plans.
Marisa T. Cohen, PhD, associate professor of psychology at St. Francis College says that when partners ask each other questions about the future, it shows “a certain level of intimacy”.
19. He gives great eye contact.
Do you often find that when you look at him, he’s already looking your way?
Psychological Science found that when people are falling in love, their eyes are drawn toward their partner’s face.
This, along with gestures like kissing your forehead, shows a great deal of interest and affection.
20. You laugh together.
Laughter is a strong bonding tool. In a study in Evolutionary Psychology, researchers found that men use humor as a gauge of how interested a woman is.
If she laughs at his jokes, she’s probably into him.
However, what revealed whether he was falling in love was whether he laughed along when she’d start laughing.
Laughing together is a sign of connection.
21. He shares intimate details.
Does he reveal his greatest ambitions and deepest fears with you?
This sort of intimacy shows that he trusts you and feels close to you.
Men are not likely to share these sorts of personal things unless they are falling in love.
These signs of trust are especially valuable from a man who has expressed that he is afraid of getting hurt in a relationship.
22. Your breathing falls into sync.
When you are cuddling together, do you find that your breath starts to match?
Researchers at the University of Colorado in Boulder discovered that when couples sit next to one another, their heart rate and breathing naturally sync to one another.
You’ll also find that sex feels a little more intimate when you are both emotionally involved.
23. He puts a lot of time into the relationship.
Time is a resource like any other. When a man is becoming attached, he is more likely to invest his time in you.
It just makes sense.
We are more likely to put our time into the things that we value.
If he is making time to spend with you, prioritizing you over other commitments and making an effort to do little things for you, he feels like you are worth the investment.
24. He isn’t trying to impress you.
This may sound counterintuitive, but him showing up at your house in scruffy clothes is a sign that things are going well.
When we’re first seeing someone, we have our guard up. We’re more likely to dress and act in ways calculated to impress.
When we start to trust and feel closer, though, we start showing our real, unvarnished selves.
25. He asks you questions about the future.
Has he gotten more curious about your career ambitions and your feelings about marriage and kids?
This isn’t a sign that he’s about to ask you to have his baby, but it does show that he sees a potential future with you.
Researchers at the Self-Awareness and Bonding Lab say that personal questions like those show intimacy and trust.
26. He puts you first.
Does he go out of his way to bring you your favorite treats? Does he pick restaurants he knows you like?
These shows of what is known as compassionate love are, scientifically, linked with deeper levels of romantic love.
These little acts of service are signs a man is falling in love.
He’s getting to a point where your happiness is his happiness, so he’s happy to do what he can to enhance it.
27. He’s been more upbeat and optimistic.
When people fall in love, suddenly everything seems better and brighter.
In a study of 245 couples, those who were in happy, stable relationships were more likely to be well-adjusted and optimistic about situations.
28. You hear the word “we” a lot.
Men who are falling in love are less likely to use the word “I” and more likely to start saying “we.”
When he tells his friend “we went to the movies over the weekend” instead of saying “I went” that is a sign that he’s thinking of the two of you as a romantic unit.
In some cases, the “we” energy is so strong that it can almost feel like two halves of the same soul.
29. He’s trying new things.
A study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology revealed that new romantic feelings bring new behaviors along with them.
People who are falling in love are more adventurous and more open to experiences they might not have tried before.
So, if he’s never had Thai food but it’s your favorite cuisine, a willingness to try it out is a good sign.
30. You’ve fallen in love with him.
This one comes down to statistics. A study performed in Spain demonstrated that women who were in love were more likely to be loved back than men.
The authors thought that this was due to women being more picky about their romantic choices.
So, when you feel like you are falling in love, you can probably trust your instincts. There’s a good chance that he feels that way, too.
How does a man act when he’s falling in love?
When he’s falling in love, a man will simply act more interested and engaged. You’ll see all the signs discussed above, plus get a general feeling that he wants to spend time around you and bring you into his world.
What makes a man fall deeply in love?
People fall deeply in love with each other when they feel that they are compatible and they fit together. Is it obvious that he makes you happy? He’s likely to conclude that you can make him happy, too.
Recommended reading: Is he my soulmate? 40 signs you’re in a soulmate relationship
How quickly do men fall in love?
Not as long as you’d think! Research shows that men fall in love faster than women, with nearly half claiming they’ve fallen in love at first sight.
Often, it’ll take longer for him to say that he’s in love than it will take him to feel it. So, be patient while waiting for him to get to a level where he is ready to express his emotions.
As long as he’s treating you well and showing the signs that he has serious romantic feelings, you are on the path toward a loving connection.
He may not even know if he loves you…
I’ve just given you 18 clear signs a man is in love.
Yet I’m sure you’ll agree with me that being in love is not always clear cut. Especially for a man.
The truth is that often men don’t even consciously know how they truly feel about the woman they’re in a relationship with. This is because men are driven by biological urges that lie deep inside them.
We can thank evolution for this.
But there are phrases you can say, texts you can send, and little requests you can use to trigger his natural biological instincts.
Relationship psychologist James Bauer’s new video reveals these emotional trigger points. He’ll help you to really understand what makes men tick—and who they fall in love with.
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