When we think of kind people, it’s less about who they are and more about their gestures.
The best thing about having a pleasant personality is that you don’t have to change who you are.
It doesn’t matter if you’re introverted or carefree, driven or laid back — what matters is how you make other people feel in your presence.
Being a pleasant person isn’t a mysterious skill either.
There are things you could easily do to project warmth and be fun to be around.
Here are 14 ways to develop a pleasant personality that people enjoy spending time with.
1. Be Interested In Other People
A huge part of learning how to be pleasant is knowing how to make people feel good about themselves when they’re around you.
One easy way to do that is by doing something most people fail to do: genuinely show interest in other people.
Give them the chance to tell you about what they’ve been up to, their projects or their work or their issues, and show them that you genuinely care and want to learn more.
While this doesn’t necessarily mean you have to spend hours talking to everyone, you should do the bare minimum of caring enough to ask about other people.
2. Remember the Details
What’s the main difference between someone who listens just to show that they’re listening, versus someone who actually genuinely listens?
Simple: the person who genuinely listens can remember the details.
Pay attention when you talk to other people so that when you speak with them again, you can remember what they told you about.
The higher they hold you in esteem, the more impressed they’ll be when you show that you stored their story in your mind.
3. Make Everyone Feel Welcome
No matter who it is or what the event may be, always be the person who can walk up to the latest person to enter the room and make them feel welcome.
It doesn’t matter if you don’t know someone or if there are “rules” in place stopping you from talking to them; give everyone the chance to feel that someone has welcomed them, and be that “someone” every chance you get.
4. Be Confident, But Not Cocky
Some people mistake confidence for cockiness, but they’re not really the same thing.
Confidence is having the ability to not care about all the little possible insecurities you have while showing people you embrace who you are.
Cockiness is being loud and brash in your own self-love as if you’re overcompensating to cover up the fact that you have more insecurities than you’d like to admit.
So be confident, but don’t cross the line into cockiness.
Be the kind of person people want to emulate, who inspires people with their own self-assurance, not arrogance.
5. Learn How To Read The Room
Being a pleasant person means knowing how to be adaptable.
Sometimes you will want to be loud and outspoken, and other times you will want to keep to yourself and just let other people take the lead.
It’s all about learning how to read the room. Be astutely aware of the people around you, the place where you might be, and what might be appropriate and not appropriate.
Don’t act the same way every time, unless you want people to think of you as an oaf.
6. Don’t Second Guess Yourself
While this might be one of the most difficult things to always do, it’s important that you show people that you’re not the type to go back on your word or be unsure of the things you say.
Once you commit to something, follow through with it; be as confident in your ideas as you are in yourself.
But of course, there’s always a point where this might go too far.
You always want to be reasonable and polite, so if you find that your initial opinion or argument wasn’t as correct as it could’ve been, give yourself the permission to say, “I was wrong.”
7. Optimism Is Contagious
The world can be a dark and dreary place, but that doesn’t mean you always have to act like everything’s about to fall apart.
No one wants to be around the guy who’s constantly talking about the worst news of the day, or predicting the next stock market crash, or talking about how life is meaningless.
Be happy, and be optimistic.
Always find the light at the end of the tunnel, the bright side of things, and be the person who motivates others to push forward even when the night is at its darkest.
8. Embrace and Share Your Passions
One thing that everyone can relate to is passion.
We’ve all felt that burning desire in our hearts to work towards a goal, whatever that goal might be.
And a great way to make people instantly connect and resonate with you is by talking about your passions.
Be transparent, be open, and be yourself.
Show everyone around you that you’re not afraid of being who you are and showing them what you’re passionate about.
Not only will this enthusiasm endear even the most solemn strangers to you immediately, but it will also inspire other people to live more openly, something we all secretly want to do.
9. Listen When People Speak
Think about the last conversation you had with someone.
Do you remember everything they actually said?
The answer might be no.
But ask yourself — do you remember everything you said?
It’s very unlikely that you don’t.
Learn to be a listener, not a constant speaker.
Too many people mistake confidence with talkativeness, but a person who says a thousand words per minute doesn’t come across as confident; they come across as insecure and even defensive.
Dr. Rachel Naomi says it best:
“The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our attention…. A loving silence often has far more power to heal and to connect than the most well-intentioned words. ” – Dr. Rachel Naomi Remen
10. Don’t Take Things So Seriously
It helps to be serious and professional when it comes to interacting with other people, but you also need to learn how to balance it with some nonchalance.
Having the ability to “let go” and not let things get to you is an attractive quality because it’s something everyone wishes they could do.
So don’t take things so seriously.
No one will think of you as pleasant if you constantly show that you’re one who is quick to anger.
You can still have integrity while maintaining your zen, and it’s all a matter of picking your battles and knowing when a situation demands something more from you.
11. Treat Everyone Equally
You know how to treat those above you on the social and professional ladder with respect, but do you treat those beneath you — and way beneath you — with respect as well?
Being a pleasant person means genuinely wanting to interact positively with everyone around you; it means always being pleasant, not just being pleasant when it will get you social points.
Whether it’s the CEO of your company or the janitor, treat them with a base level of respect.
And this is the problem many people face — they don’t maintain a floor or minimum level of respect, because they only give respect out when they feel they need to.
12. Nothing Beats Sincerity
In a world filled with fake compliments, being sincere when you praise people is actually a welcome change.
It’s become too easy to spot fake niceties and overblown compliments for the sake of projecting warmth, which is a turn-off for most people.
If you want to be the kind of person people want to be around, it’s as simple as being genuine to them.
Pay them compliments when it makes sense. Reach out because you’re curious about their life, not because you want to “network”.
Being sincere in your intentions makes a whole world of difference in your interactions with others, and they’ll be able to pick up on your good vibes too.
13. Never Forget Your Manners
Please and thank yous are overlooked but they are the first steps to having a pleasant personality.
No one wants to be around someone who just expects good things to happen to them.
Simple gestures like these tell people that you respect them and make people feel good about having you around.
14. Choose To Be Happy
Happiness is a choice. We all have to deal with problems and issues and unexpected headaches.
We all go through our own conflicts, battle our inner demons, and suffer our personal tragedies.
But at the end of the day, your mood is a choice.
You can choose to sulk and drown in your own miseries, letting other people feel your negative energy and trying to gain everyone’s sympathy.
But you can also choose to breathe and push those thoughts out of your mind, at least while you can.
Choosing happiness doesn’t mean ignoring your own true feelings.
Choosing happiness means making the long-term commitment to always push yourself towards happiness, even if you’re nowhere near that point.
The simple act of pointing yourself in the direction of happiness is enough to change your mood and general vibe, for the better.
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