Ask anyone about long distance relationships and you will probably get the same answer every time: it won’t work out.
Many people inherently look down on long distance relationships for a number of reasons, but their discouragement generally comes from a caring place—no one wants to see you get hurt.
But while it might not be easy, it’s definitely not impossible.
Because of all the difficulties and struggles that come with a long distance relationship, we’ve put together 25 ways you can make any long distance relationship find success:
1) Be Sexy With Each Other
A huge part of relationships is the sexual tension, and keeping that tension alive needs a bit more work in a long distance relationship.
Talk sexy with each other on chat or on calls; things like double entendres, sexy puns, or even just reminders that you both find each other sexually attractive is all it takes to keep that fire going.
Desiring each other sexually is like the glue that keeps the relationship together.
2) Clear Up Expectations
In a long distance relationship, you need to communicate everything, even the smaller things that you wouldn’t normally even think to talk about.
After all, nothing can break a relationship faster than one partner breaking another partner’s unsaid rule.
So have a discussion with your partner and set all the ground rules: exclusiveness, commitment, open-mindedness, and so on.
3) Don’t Smother Each Other
There’s nothing worse than being smothered, especially when it’s all online.
You might want to make up for the distance by chatting excessively, but this will just turn your partner off over the long-term.
Be chill—don’t be obsessive, and know when to give your partner room.
4) Set a Timeline
In every long distance relationship, you and your partner will eventually start asking yourself: why are we doing this?
The pain, struggle, and yearning will all start to feel pointless after a while, especially if you don’t know what your end goal might be.
So sit down and talk with your partner and set up your expected timeline. This will give both of you a better idea of how long the “long distance” portion of the relationship will last, and whether or not you are both capable of waiting that long.
5) Share Hobbies With Each Other
If you can’t bond physically, then you need to bond mentally.
This means sharing hobbies and “likes” with each other—your favorite movies, shows, books, music, and more. Discuss politics, talk about your thoughts on everything from pop culture to religion.
Keep up to date with each other on your latest musings.
The biggest danger to a long-distance relationship is a lack of contact, which can cause the spark to start drifting away. Having similar interests and hobbies gives you reason to be in contact and it keeps the conversations fun.
6) Avoid Unnecessarily Tense Situations
Let’s say the new person at the office asks you for a drink after work.
It might seem like a harmless office friendship to you, but to your significant other on the other side of the world, it could mean anything.
Innocent or not, putting yourself in a potentially “dangerous” situation adds unnecessary stress to your relationship. Be more considerate of your partner’s feelings.
7) Be Creative and Consistent with Communication
While you shouldn’t smother your partner, you should be consistent enough to show that you care.
A daily “good morning” and “good night” message is enough to show that you love them and think about them, but that’s not enough.
Send random audio and video clips of your day; talk about stupid, mundane moments and encounters; share your ramblings and annoyances.
Make them a part of your life, even if they’re thousands of kilometers away.
8) However, Don’t Communicate Too Excessively
This is a big problem that many people in long distance relationships make. They want to communicate every hour of every day.
Unfortunately, this isn’t possible, and it isn’t healthy, either.
When you’re in the same city, do you communicate every hour? I don’t think so.
So don’t do it when you’re in different cities, or you’ll become exhausted and you’ll lose that spark that makes you two so great together.
As mentioned above, it’s important to keep in contact and let them know what you’re doing, but you need to live your life as well.
“If you want to live together, you first need to learn how to live apart.” – Anonymous
9) Think of It as a Test
A long distance relationship might not be your ideal set up, but it all depends on how you think about it.
Instead of seeing it as a burden, think of it as a test. Is your love strong enough to survive the distance and the time?
If it is, then you might be rewarded with the best relationship you will ever have in your life.
10) Send Each Other Personal Gifts
This doesn’t have to be anything expensive or fancy. Something small and something personal, a memento that has sentimental value to you.
Send your partner a letter or explain it to them before you part ways, and share the importance of the memento to you as you hand it over.
11) Be Honest
You might not believe it, but the moment you start lying, your partner will start to feel that something is wrong.
No matter how good of a liar you are, you can never completely hide when something is up. It might be a change in your behavior, your schedule, or two or three lies running into each other; whatever it is, your partner will notice.
And that kind of lying is something you will never be able to repair.
12) Know Each Other’s Schedules
It’s useful to know when your partner is working and when they’re free. This avoids the awkward situation of one partner wanting to speak and the other one being busy.
This can cause unwanted tension where one partner starts questioning what the other partner is really doing.
You can easily avoid this by being honest with each other about your schedules and what you’re doing.
After all, you don’t want your partner calling when you’re in an exam or during an important business meeting.
13) Keep Track of Each Other’s Instagram and Facebook
This is a great way to keep the engagement high. Make sure to be on the lookout for your partner’s updates and happenings on social media.
Like them, comment them. Let them know you’re around and you’re keeping tabs. Be cool about stalking about each other.
14) Learn How to Love Being Alone
One major reason why most long distance relationships fail is because people end up needing their partner more than their partner can accommodate.
With no one to hug, hold, and cuddle, you might start to feel unbearably lonely, to the point that you would give up your relationship for a closer yet less meaningful alternative.
The solution? Love yourself. Fill the void in your heart with love for yourself. When you wish you had your partner with you, just replace that with a sense of fullness drawn from your own self-love.
Not only will it ease the tension on your relationship, but it will also make you a more complete individual.
15) Play With Each Other Online
Games, social media, messaging apps—the Internet is more exciting and interactive than ever. Play with your partner and keep it fun; not everything has to be a romantic conversation.
Sometimes you just want to blast someone’s head off in an online game, and what better way to do that than with your partner standing and laughing beside you online?
16) Make Sure You’re Using a Great Messaging App
This one sounds obvious, but it’s more important than you think.
Messaging is obviously going to be your main form of communication, so make sure it’s an App that you both actively use. For me, it’s Whatsapp, but for some people, it’s Line or Facebook Messenger. And there are plenty more as well.
Make sure you both use the messaging App consistently, otherwise it could be difficult to get in contact.
17) Stay Positive
It’s so easy to become lonely and despondent in a long distance relationship.
You might feel like a ladder with one leg, standing up on your own with no one to help you balance. But the truth is simple—you just need to hold out.
Stay positive and keep smiling: it will be worth it in the end.
18) Be Confident In Your Relationship
Insecurity can result in excessive calls, messages and unnecessary tension. It will cause the commutation between the two of you to be no longer fun or engaging, and from there it’s a slippery slope.
In a long distance relationship, you have to be confident that you’re relationship will survive. At the heart of this is trust.
19) Encourage Your Partner to Make Friends (Even With the Opposite Sex)
You have to live your life, and making friends is crucial to finding happiness, especially if you’re in a new city.
And yes, if some friends happen to be with the opposite sex, then that’s going to have to be fine.
If you can’t be free to make friends with anyone then that will make your life very restrictive. This can result in tension and conflict building up which isn’t helpful for any long distance relationship.
Trust your partner and be honest with each other. Without trust, a relationship won’t survive.
“Once trust is built, distance cannot kill it. Time and space alone cannot destroy authentic connection.” – Vironika Tugaleva
20) Visit Each Other Whenever Possible
This should be obvious, but visit each other whenever you can! If you can squeeze in a trip to your partner even just for a day or a weekend, then why not?
Not every visit has to last weeks or months.
In fact, the shorter visits might even be more meaningful than the longer ones, because it will prove to your partner that you’re willing to make that extra bit of effort.
21) Have Future Plans in Place
A relationship won’t survive if it’s a long distance relationship forever. Eventually, you’ll need to live in the same city (and the same place).
So start to make a plan as to how that can happen. Organize some goals. It will give both of you the peace of mind that this relationship has a future.
Uncertainty is a huge threat to a long distance relationship, so organizing plans is the perfect way to mitigate that threat.
This goes without saying, but you need to actually listen to your partner when you’re talking.
This is important for any relationship, but especially for a long distance one.
Communication needs to be rock solid. So if one of you only cares about themselves and what’s going on in their own life, communication will obviously suffer.
Listening is more than silence on the other end of the phone. It’s actively listening. Asking follow-up questions, providing solutions, remembering what happened the day before. It’s simply an active effort to be involved in each other’s life.
23) Work Your Way Through Arguments
Miscommunication and arguments are bound to happen in a long distance relationship. The key to working through these slight tensions and miscommunication is being honest and communicating how you really feel.
Speak directly and don’t play games. There’s no need to censor yourself and remain closed. They’re your partner after all.
24) Accept That It Might Take Months Or Years Before The Big Move
Yes, it’s great to organize plans for the future. But unfortunately, these plans might not happen for months or years.
And as hard as it is, you need to accept that.
When it comes to our careers and other reasons for moving country or city, there’s a lot we simply can’t control.
You can never be absolutely certain of the future. If they deserve a promotion at work, then you’re not going to get in the way of that.
You both know you’ll eventually be together, it just might be a little longer than you anticipated. The easier you can accept that, the more likely the long distance relationship will be successful.
25) Let yourself trust – and earn that trust yourself
I’ve left the most important tip for last: trust.
To build trust, it goes both ways. Earning it is just as important as having it in your partner.
It’s not just about trusting your partner to not cheat on you. It’s more than that.
Can you count on your partner in big ways and small? Do they call you when they say they will? Do they stick to the plans you’ve made to see each other? Are they paying attention? Do they remember the small important details in your life?
All of these questions can apply you to as well. If you fully trust each other, then there’s no need to worry about being in a long-distance relationship – it will work.
You can read all the tips in the world about how to make a long distance relationship succeed, but in all honesty, the only people who will make the relationship work will be the people in it.
There’s no question that a long distance relationship is difficult, but it’s very doable.
As long as you can stay engaged in each other’s life through the good days and the bad days and you fully trust and support each other, you can make it work.
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