The first time I met my ex, I felt absolutely sure that he was my soulmate.
Most of the relationship was great… until it wasn’t.
One day, he just started growing more and more distant. The more I tried to salvage the relationship, the clearer he made it that he wanted out. One day, he put his foot down and broke up with me for good.
I was stunned.
The whole thing felt confusing to me, which made my heartbreak even worse. Not only did I not know how to move on from him, but I still had zero clue what made him lose interest in me.
I turned to all sorts of books, blogs, and videos on how to win over an ex back. (Throw in Reddit posts, Facebook comments, and other obscure internet forums too.)
I was adamant about getting him back—but nothing worked!
…At least until I finally discovered the 12-word text.
And boy, it worked so much better than I expected!
In this article, I am going to share my story, and I’ll also help you to adapt the 12-word text formula for YOUR circumstances.
12-word text? What’s that?
The 12-word text is a texting strategy by James Bauer that allows you to directly target a man’s biological instincts.
Every man has an innate drive to be a hero. It’s an unconscious desire that motivates all his conscious decisions.
Understanding this instinct and acting accordingly allows you to build the best relationship of your life.
It did for me—there’s no reason it can’t do so for you.
Note: If you prefer watching videos, check out James Bauer’s short and powerful video about the hero instinct here:
How to use the 12-word text: 7 main ways
I highly suggest picking up James Bauer’s book, His Secret Obsession. It contains everything there is to know about this topic and equips you with all the tools you need to change your relationship.
However, if you don’t have the time yet, you can immediately begin triggering his hero instinct through these seven tips.
1) Make it clear just how happy he’s making you
Trust me. Women don’t do this enough.
And they always realize it when it’s already too late.
But how do you actually make it clear how happy your man makes you?
If most people communicated well in their relationships, then this wouldn’t be common advice!
It’s actually so easy, but most people just don’t do it.
Here’s a way to get started. Whenever he does something for you—even if it’s as simple as opening the door for you or getting you some water—just shoot him with a quick “Do you have any idea how happy you make me?”.
Who wouldn’t want to keep making their partner happy after hearing that!?
Because here’s the truth.
All of us simply want recognition and appreciation for the work we put into the relationship. It’s a pillar of affection that gets ignored way too often.
The best part about this is it’ll simply keep snowballing. You tell him how happy he makes you, which will motivate him to do even better. It will make you happier, which will make you tell him more about how happy he makes you!
So don’t be shy and open up about your feelings!
2) Ask for help, protection, or support
Most people think that using the hero instinct is some sort of magical technique or a sly, manipulative trick to get him to love you more.
Here’s what it actually is: a bridge between men and women. It serves as the primary way men and women relate to one another and form deep bonds.
Here’s how it works.
When you tell or text him asking for help, protection, or support, it makes him feel like a protector or a provider. A hero.
Here are just a few examples:
“I want to know your opinion on something (lots of things, actually)…”.
“I can’t wait to be in your arms; that’s the safest place on Earth!”.
As long as you keep it flirty and natural, these texts will light a spark in his brain and make his heart skip a beat.
It’s a simple but powerful tool to tap into his primal masculine instincts and draws him to you on a subconscious level.
And this works at all stages of the relationship!
Whether you’re just getting to know each other, a new couple, or are married—triggering his hero instinct remains key to both making him feel loved and love you!
My relationship improved when I started using these 12-word texts and following these principles. It made me realize just how important it is for men to be treated this way.
Start doing this ASAP!
But if you want to be sure that you’re doing it effectively?
3) Hype him up in front of his peers
It’s one thing to trigger his instinct within the intimate confines of your relationship.
But the effect of doing so in public is on a whole other level.
I know you’re worried that doing so might come across as tacky or corny. The key to doing it when socializing with others is to do it subtly.
It should come across naturally and smoothly. Make sure that it’s appropriate for the topic at hand and the current mood of the group.
Don’t just list out his good qualities out of nowhere. That’s just weird.
If you start reeling off a list of all the reasons why he’s great in front of his friends, it’ll probably get awkward quite quickly.
Here’s a good example: when you’re talking about jobs, tell them how much you appreciate that your man still helps around the house even after he comes home from work.
Or, if you’re still too shy to tell people about it, you can still use the 12-word text even when you’re with others.
Let’s say his friend says that whenever he does a certain something, it doesn’t work out. Send him a text like:
“Whenever you do it, it turns out better than expected!”
Then, he’ll feel so much more confident during the interaction.
And as the partner of a rather shy man with his fair share of insecurities, I can tell you that this does wonders for his self-esteem!
4) Notice the small stuff
It truly is in the small stuff.
Most people will notice and appreciate it when their lover does something grand.
But what about the small things? The everyday habits? These are the things we take for granted.
And expressing appreciation for them will set you above all the other women he has been with! This triggers his hero instinct by making him feel like an important part of your everyday life.
- Making you a dinner;
- Taking you out on a date;
- Driving you to work;
- Buying you flowers;
Thank him! No matter how mundane it is.
You don’t need to write him a long letter or deliver a heartfelt speech. A smile and a few words will hit him just as hard.
It just makes sense, doesn’t it?
It feels far better to love someone that acknowledges your efforts. Real love truly cannot exist without a foundation of mutual gratitude.
Even simple texts like this will melt his heart:
“I fall in love with you even more every time you kiss me before going to work.”
See how it works? You’ve kissed him hundreds of times, but telling him this lets him know that his affection is not something you take for granted.
So start now! There is always something you can thank him for.
5) Seek advice from him
This is a tried-and-true classic.
In my experience, it should also be your go-to when you’re trying to win someone back or want to reignite the fire.
Something like: “I need some backup! Code red (more like Burgundy)!”
Notice how it’s still sweet, cute, and playful?
Then, you can send him a funny meme. Or a text that asks for his help—especially one that makes it clear that you need his help in particular.
For example, “I think there’s a slow leak in my back tire. Would you take a look and give me your expert opinion?”
When he replies, reply with texts that make you seem clearly interested and engaged in the conversation. Enough with the performative emotional distance!
6) Show him you genuinely care
Nothing feels worse than your partner—the one who’s most intimate to you—seemingly not caring about what you feel or have to say.
Short, cold, uninterested responses are the worst.
So make sure to listen to everything he has to say. Then respond in ways that make it obvious that you truly care what he said.
Here’s a great example of a text in this vein.
“I thought about what you told me last time we met…This experience made you who you are, and I truly admire how much you grew from what happened. Let me know if you want to talk about it more. I’m here for you”.
It’s all about presence and sincerity. Ensure that he knows he can confide in you about anything.
This endears you to him and makes him want to protect you as your hero. After all, you’re probably one of the few people who actually care about him.
7) Simply tell him he’s your hero
I know what you’re thinking: This is kinda tricky. When should I be serious? When should I be flirty?
It really is quite tricky. It’s an art form that needs practice.
So if you’re confused about how to approach it at first, you can… well, simply call him your hero!
“Do you know that you’re my hero? Not because you look like one, but because it’s in your core”.
This kind of text might seem like it came out of nowhere, but it’s going to punch him in the gut (in the best way possible).
It’s particularly effective for rebuilding respect after conflict or as a transitionary text into flirtier or more seductive texts.
Why the 12-word text is so powerful
The 12-word text is incredibly effective because it executes this formula so well:
- Make him curious;
- Let him wait;
- Reveal a need;
- Wait again.
By following this formula, his desire for someone to need him is fulfilled. Not only is his drive to protect and provide for you activated, but you’re also providing him with great opportunities to do just that.
And yes, you can definitely do this through something as simple as text messages!
Let’s look at some examples. But before that, let’s examine each part of the formula a little deeper first:
Make him curious: A short but meaningful text is intriguing and difficult to ignore. It’s crucial not to immediately reveal your need for him out of the gate (that might come across as too needy). You need to build up to it first by piquing his interest.
Let him wait: Sometimes, the best thing to do is to do nothing at all. Let him sit with your message and simmer in the intrigue. Don’t follow up, bring in a new topic, or egg him on—just wait for him to reply.
Reveal a need: When he does respond, it’ll likely be a question. He’s interested and wants to know more about your first message. Now is the time to fire. Shoot him with a request or reveal that you have a bit of a problem.
Although, sometimes it’s better not to ask him for help directly. Simply reveal that you have something you need help with. More often times than not, his hero instinct will kick in naturally, and he’ll be the one to offer his help.
Wait again: Yes, again. Give him space and time to plan out how to help you. This will build up his excitement—he’s going to be a hero for somebody!
Of course, not every situation is the same. It’s important to adjust, but in most situations, following this formula will yield great results.
How I used the 12-word text to win him back
A breakup is always hard, no matter how it plays out. And while all the talk surrounding breakups are about moving on, we all know it’s not that easy.
In fact, sometimes your feelings for your ex grow even stronger.
That’s what unfortunately (or fortunately?) happened to me.
I’ve been with my boyfriend for years and years. The relationship was amazing—I was so sure that we were meant to be.
So when he suddenly broke up with me, my entire being entered into a state of shock. I was confused and depressed. I was a shell of my former self—I could barely function in day-to-day life, if at all.
My friends were there for me, but nothing could make me feel better. What’s worse was that I couldn’t help but still reach out to him. I was craving his attention and I constantly asked my friends to contact him for me.
My days centered around waiting for any sort of reply from him—but that was all in vain.
To make things even worse, he developed feelings for one of my friends. She asked if she could go on dates with him to see how it goes. Wanting to be a cool friend, I said yes—even if deep in my heart, that was the most painful yes I had ever told someone.
It was clear: I wanted him back. I wanted to get him back so, so badly!
As I said above, I scoured books and the internet for any help about getting an ex back.
Nothing seemed sensible, and the things I tried were not effective at all. This was until I saw the 12-word text and tried it myself.
Of course, I was skeptical at first, but I was intrigued by the idea. Sending such an innocent text couldn’t result in anything too bad, could it? Might as well try it out.
Do you know what happened?
I got a call from him. That very same night, I tried the formula.
We had a long, long conversation. But it ended up in us reconciling our differences and agreeing to try being romantic partners one more time.
I was in awe, and I just happy-cried myself to sleep that night.
I was ready to give up hope, but the impossible happened, and I won back the heart of the man I love. Never did I expect such a simple text to be so powerful at moving men like this.
And now, I’m also consistently implementing the principles of the hero instinct into our relationship, and our love has never been stronger!
When is it appropriate to use the 12-word text?
James Bauer explains that his ideas are based on the fact that men have three fundamental needs in a relationship:
They need to feel:
Sounds simple enough, doesn’t it?
But trust me—people either forget about these things or take them for granted.
The truth is that If you keep these biological truths in mind and act accordingly, every aspect of your relationship will improve drastically.
While there are various ways to trigger the hero instinct (as discussed above), the 12-word text is incredibly easy and effective. It’s both a great starting point and something to you ought to consistently keep doing to sustain the relationship.
It’s designed to hook practically any man, but it’s particularly useful when:
- He’s unsure about commitment;
- He doesn’t want to be the provider;
- He’s shy about showing his “hero side”;
- You want more effort from him;
- You want to rekindle the romance you once had;
- You feel underappreciated or undervalued;
- You want a flirty but sincere way to show your appreciation;
- He needs a confidence booster;
- You want to express your support;
Though really, the list goes on. As I said, you can use it anytime!
For an even deeper look at the 12-word text and the hero instinct, Bauer’s book, His Secret Obsession, contains all there is to know.
Other ways to text him to activate his hero instinct
Feel inspired to do all you can so your man can become the hero he can be!?
Here are other texts you can use to hype him up. There are all sorts of texts you can use here. Whatever your situation or dynamic with your man, there’s something here for you.
– I really believe in you.
– You’re so driven. I love it.
– I’ve seen you achieve so many things. Whatever you put your mind to, I know you can accomplish it.
– I can see why others want to keep working with/for you. You’re trustworthy, reliable, and simply amazing at what you do.
– With how talented and diligent you are, it’s about time you got that raise! You absolutely deserve it!
– You’ve done so much. I’m honored to be by your side as you keep doing wonderful things for us.
– You’re so good to me; it’s unreal. What did I do to deserve this?
– Your cooking is the absolute best. Thank you so much for cooking for me. I feel like the luckiest woman.
– I‘m sure you can fix it—you can fix anything!
– You’re a wonderful man.
– I can’t overstate how proud I am of you.
– You have all my love, admiration, and respect.
– You keep improving as a person, and I keep falling deeper and deeper in love with you for that.
– Thanks for admitting your mistakes/apologizing/talking maturely about such a sensitive topic. That is so brave and admirable of you.
–You are so gentle and forgiving. Your softness makes you the strongest man I know.
– You’re so good at interacting with my family/friends/colleagues. It makes my social life so much better and I can’t thank you enough.
– You always make me blush, do you know that?
– You always bring a smile to my face.
– I connect with you on such a deep, deep level.
– I feel so safe yet so empowered being with you. You provide me with a home base, a safety net. Your love and presence are invaluable to me.
– You have such gorgeous eyes. Looking into them is so comforting.
– I feel so comfortable around you. I feel like I can be my true self, and I love you for that.
– Do you know how easily you turn me on? Like I simply melt around you.
– You are so funny; it’s actually annoying.
You don’t have to copy-paste these texts. They’re simply templates that you can—and probably should—tweak to fit your man more!
But before you text out your man—or the man you want!—you need the mechanisms that make them work.
Where do you usually interact with him? At what times? What’s the situation? The context? The mood?
Are you coworkers? Or run into each other at the park on Sundays? Are you part of the same friend group?
Are you acquaintances? Friends? Lovers? Exes?
Whatever it is, your texts should be tailored to these things. Look at the list and pick out the ones you think would best suit your circumstances.
Write out variations of them. Pay attention to the tone, voice, and intent of the text.
Then write them down.
Imagine yourself sending these texts (or telling him in real life). Build your confidence, comfort, and conviction. Believe in yourself that you’ll win him over through curiosity, charm, and intrigue.
Then hit send!