Absence makes the heart grow fonder…or so they say.
Let’s face it, who doesn’t want to be missed by their man?
Whether you have a thing for a new guy, are in a committed relationship, or wanting to make an ex jealous the key is making him miss you.
So, how exactly do you achieve this?
This guide is everything you need to have your guy missing you like crazy (while loving you even more).
1. Don’t be available all the time
This one goes without saying, yet it’s amazing how many people slip up on it.
After all, your crush messages you, of course you’re going to respond straight away.
Take a breath.
If you’re spending all of your time apart sitting by the phone and waiting for a message or call, then you aren’t even giving this guy a chance to miss you.
We get it, you love talking to him and want him to know that.
But, now’s your chance to make him miss you.
Turn your phone on silent, or even place it out of sight. It depends how tempted you might be to respond straight away.
Make him wonder every now and then about what you’re up to and why you aren’t responding. It’s healthy for the relationship.
Plus, it always helps to put a bit of time between receiving a message and writing your response so you can craft the best reply possible. It’s no secret that we make mistakes and say things we don’t mean when we let our emotions get involved and act hastily.
So, how long should you wait?
Well, how long is a piece of string? There’s no set in stone answer for this one.
According to Daniel Post Senning, author of ‘Manners in a Digital World’ one to three hours is a good timeframe. After all, you don’t want to the conversation to go stale either.
It’s all about finding the right balance for your relationship.
2. Play hard to get
It may not be your style, but it does work.
Of course, you don’t want to come across cold and uncaring – just unavailable some of the time.
One article from Jonason and Li, ‘Playing Hard-to-Get: Manipulating One’s Perceived Availability as a Mate’ looked at a few different studies that have been done on the topic.
The general consensus? It works!
Playing hard to get does indeed make you more desirable as a date or in a relationship. Time to work on your cold shoulder vibes now.
Just remember, your goal is to be busy, but not completely off limits. You don’t want to send him running for the hills and thinking he has no chance at all.
The goal? You want him to catch you eventually, so don’t make it too hard.
Once again, it’s a delicate balancing act. But one that will have him falling head over heels for you.
He’ll be running into your arms in no time.
3. Make him feel like a hero
If you make your man feel like a hero, he’ll miss you like crazy whenever you’re apart.
What do I mean by ‘hero’?
There’s a new concept in relationship psychology generating a lot of buzz at the moment. It’s called the hero instinct.
And it explains why men fall in love with a woman and who they fall in love with.
Simply put, men want to be your hero.
This drive is deeply rooted in their biology. Since humans first evolved, men have wanted to provide for and protect the woman they love.
I know it sounds kind of silly. In this day and age women don’t need a hero.
But here’s the ironic truth. Men still want to feel like one.
If you can trigger the hero instinct in your man, it will make him miss you like crazy when you’re not around. Because you’re providing him something he craves.
You can learn more about the hero instinct in this simple and genuine video by James Bauer. He’s the relationship psychologist who first coined this term.
Making your man feel more like a hero is an art but can be a lot of fun when you know exactly what to do.
Because there are phrases you can say, texts you can send, and little requests you can use to trigger his hero instinct.
To learn more about these emotional trigger points, check out James Bauer’s free video here.
I don’t often get caught up in new fads or pop psychology. But after reading all about the hero instinct myself, I think learning about it can help a lot of women.
4. Be the first to end the conversation
After making him wait, he will eventually contact you if he really likes you. Always be the one to hang up the phone and let him be the one to send that last text.
The key is to keep him wanting more of you. Because you ended the conversation, it will make him contact you first because he feels the need to continue your conversation.
5. Make yourself hard to forget
Now’s your chance to adopt a signature… and not of the writing variety.
You want to find something that will remind him of you, even when you aren’t alone.
By triggering his feelings for you when you aren’t even around, he’s going to start missing you then and there.
So, what exactly is a signature?
There are plenty of options to choose from:
- The way you speak.
- Certain phrases you use.
- A scent you always wear.
- Your favorite food.
- Your favorite color.
The most common is to choose a signature scent, as smells come with memories.
It’s time to throw out all the perfumes in your bathroom and limit yourself to just the one. But, how do you choose?
- Take a look at what you already own.
- Head to the shops with an open mind.
- Try a variety, making sure you let each one dry for 10 minutes. Scents change in this time.
It’ll not only work on him, but for friends and family too, who will come to associate you with that particular scent.
After spending some time as his place, he will be able to smell you even if you’re not there.
It’s the perfect way to let him miss you. And he’ll especially miss you after 8 weeks.
6. Get together as a group
Do you both have mutual friends?
Organize a catch up for the whole group and turn yourself into a social butterfly.
If your guy is there, he’ll see you laughing, having fun and enjoying yourself, and he’s going to want to be a part of it too.
It’ll make him miss the one-on-one time you have together, and want it back.
It’s important not to rely on him in the group session. Don’t head over to him, don’t make eye contact with him.
Work the room and have a good time.
He’ll be attracted to you like a magnet, and before long he’ll approach you – not the other way around.
Of course, it always helps to dress the part as well. It’s no secret that men are very visual creatures. In fact, there have been studies carried out on just this!
It’s time to pull that little black dress out of the cupboard and let it work it’s magic.
If you look great, you’ll feel great, and that will shine through as well.
7. Ask for his help
Men thrive on solving women’s problems.
If you need something fixed, or your computer is acting up, or if you have a problem in life and you simply need some advice, then seek your man out.
A man wants to feel essential. And he wants to be the first person you turn to when you genuinely need help.
Although asking for your man’s help may seem fairly innocuous, it actually helps to trigger something deep within him. Something that is crucial to a loving, long term relationship.
For a man, feeling essential to a woman is often what separates “like” from “love”.
Don’t get me wrong, no doubt your guy loves your strength and abilities to be independent. But he still wants to feel wanted and useful — not dispensable.
Simply put, men have a biological drive to feel needed, to earn your respect, and to be there for the woman he cares about.
Relationship expert James Bauer calls it the hero instinct. I talked about this concept above.
As James argues, male desires are not complicated, just misunderstood. Instincts are powerful drivers of human behavior and this is especially true for how men approach their relationships.
So, when the hero instinct isn’t triggered, men are unlikely to commit to a relationship with any woman.
He holds back because being in a relationship is a serious investment for him. And he won’t fully “invest” in you unless you give him a sense of meaning and purpose and make him feel essential.
How do you trigger this instinct in him? And give him this sense of meaning and purpose?
You don’t need to pretend to be anyone you’re not or play the “damsel in distress”. You don’t have to dilute your strength or independence in any way, shape or form.
The best thing you can do is what this excellent free video by James Bauer. He reveals phrases, texts and little requests that you can use right now to make him feel more essential to you.
By triggering this very natural male instinct, you’ll not only give him greater satisfaction but it will also help to rocket your relationship to the next level.
8. Books a girls weekend away
Take being unavailable to a whole new level and book a weekend away with the girls. It’s good for the soul and great for the relationship.
It comes down to the simple fact that he can’t miss you if you don’t give him any space.
Instead of sitting at home and pining for him, while trying to keep your hand away from your phone and replying to his message, go out and have fun!
Post a few snaps on Facebook and show him exactly what he’s missing out on.
It’s enough to trigger him to want to be by your side.
The more space you both have, the more you’ll both miss each other. And this is true even if you’re in a committed relationship. In fact, one study showed that 29% of couples don’t have enough alone time or time to themselves.
You can’t miss someone who is always there.
Time to pack those bags and plan a weekend of fun. It’s a sacrifice we all have to make…
9. Take things slowly
Whether you’re in a committed relationship, or hoping to get into one, moving slowly is a great way to keep things interesting.
It’s about taking control of the relationship and calling the shots to a degree.
Put the brakes on. Pull back. Let him yearn for you.
Controlling how fast things happen, or how often you have sex in a relationship, is one of the keys when it comes to making him miss you.
Once again, he can’t miss what he always has readily available.
It’s time to step away from the bedroom and make yourself a little less available.
Sure, you want him as much as he wants you. This one is going to be tricky. But hang in there. If you want him to miss you, then you have to push through.
Here are some ways you can do this:
- Head home after a date instead of going back to his place.
- Skip sex one night and brush him off.
You don’t want to turn him away altogether, so make sure you’re still spending quality time together (depending where you’re at in your relationship).
You simply want him to want more, without pushing him away altogether.
You could be an extra tease, flashing some nice lingerie before telling him it’s off limits for the night…
10. Go easy on social media
Nowadays, almost all of us have a Facebook account. Pause your Facebook activities for a while. Because how can he miss you if he always sees you in his feeds?
Be a little mysterious so that will miss you. Pause on updating your status, uploading your photos, and sharing things on Facebook.
Additionally, stop liking and commenting on his posts because it will make him think that you are needy for his attention.
11. Use your body language
Believe it or not, body language is a powerful way of saying what you want to without even opening your mouth.
While it sounds seductive, it’s not just about sex.
Body language happens in every conversation, from professional through to sexual.
You can use your body language to stay a step ahead of him. Here’s how:
- When he tells a joke, laugh out loud and place a hand on him.
- Use lingering eye contact to gaze at him a little longer than a friend would.
- Lean into him when he talks and get close.
- Allow your cheeks to flush a little when he talks to you.
- Offer a coy smile while talking to another person.
- Mimic his movements to give the idea you’re on the same page.
Most importantly, never underestimate the power of body language and just how loudly it can speak to a guy. Embrace it. Use it. Flaunt it.
He’ll be missing you in no time.
12. Know what you want too
Whilst you’re considering the ways you can ensnare him…
Make sure he’s the one you actually want to ensnare, too!
Just because he seems available and interested doesn’t mean you have to choose this one. He’s not a puppy in a pound, after all.
So whilst you keep these tips in mind, think also about what you really want.
Rudá’s Self-Love Quiz will come in super handy if you need some help covering questions focused on how you see yourself, this guy in question, and the possibility of your future relationship.
Because you don’t want to put all this effort in making him like you back, only to realize you were doing it for the wrong reasons!
13. End the conversation first
I know, I know, you could talk to him for hours and don’t want the conversation to end at all…but remember, we want to give him a chance to miss you.
Whether you’re on the phone, in person or simply texting each other, make sure you’re the one to end the conversation.
Of course, you need to wait for the right time to do this. You don’t want to leave him hanging, waiting for an answer to his question.
This will have him longing for conversation with you – while keeping you in his mind until he talks to you again.
If there’s one way to make a guy miss you, this is it.
14. Make an effort with the little things
After all, it’s these little things that count.
Whether you’re in a committed relationship, or still trying to get to know the guy, it’s time to up your game.
Instead of coming onto him aggressively, you want to take a step back and work out exactly what he wants.
Pay attention to the little details:
- How does he like his coffee?
- What does he like for breakfast?
- What are his interests?
- What’s his favourite drink?
- What’s his favourite food?
Use this information to surprise him from time to time. For example, have a drink waiting for him when you get to the bar. Make him a coffee in the morning before he gets up. Organise a day together doing something he loves.
Trust me, he ‘ll notice.
And it’s these little things that’ll make him miss you when you’re not around.
Needing some inspiration, here are some great ideas to get you thinking.
15. Leave things accidentally
This is perfect when you’re dating or in those early days.
Whether it’s a movie ticket from a session you saw together, or your favourite cardigan, leaving something that reminds him of you is the perfect way to keep you on his mind – even when he’s not there.
These items will trigger his memories of the times you’ve had together.
And naturally, he’ll start missing you.
But, what if you’re in a committed relationship? It’s true that he’s not going to appreciate you leaving rubbish and clothes all over the house you live in together.
Instead, leave him love notes.
Whether it’s in his briefcase for work, or sending him a simple text during the day. By reminding him that you’re thinking of him, he’ll start to miss being with you.
Kindness and appreciation play a special role in every relationship and will have your man missing you like crazy. Don’t be afraid to share your feelings for him.
16. Be happy
This one can be a little tricky to understand, but give us a chance here…
If you’re happy and loving life, he’s going to want to be part of that – and he’ll miss you when you’re not around.
Let’s face it, no one misses the miserable, clingy person who adds nothing to the conversation.
Everyone misses the vibrant, confident person who loves life and lives it to the full.
Plus, and I’ll be honest here – you don’t need him. Be happy for you.
But I get that society puts a lot of pressure on us to find someone, and tells us that we almost cannot achieve a state of contentment if we don’t.
These, however, are misconceptions that need to be unlearned. Plus, the more pressure you put on him making you happy, the less successful it’ll be.
I used to hang onto the idea of the right person being the key to my happiness too. World renowned shaman and relationship educator Rudá Iandé was critical to me unlearning that expectation – that I needed someone to complete me.
If you know you’re a little guilty of the same mindset, try out his free Love and Intimacy Masterclass.
As you’ll learn, the best option instead of sitting around and wondering when he’s next going to message you, get out there and have some fun.
Go out with the girlfriends, organise a shopping day, grab a good book – whatever makes you happy.
If you’re happy, it will show.
Plus, research shows that the simple act of seeing a smiling face can help to stimulate the part of the brain associated with reward. This means that it can give him a strong sense of pleasure to see you happy.
Do what makes you happy, have a laugh, and watch the effect it has!
17. Discover your spontaneous side
Men love spontaneity.
But sadly, one study found that women tend to be less spontaneous than men.
It’s time to flip that around.
The excitement and anxiety that is produced when your surprise your man increases their libido and heightens sexual attraction. Put simply, it makes him want you.
Of course, spontaneity isn’t all about sex, there are plenty of ways you can surprise him:
- Buy a nice outfit for the bedroom (OK, this one is about sex, but it’s worth it).
- Give him a massage with his favourite movie on.
- Take him to his favourite activity (even if you don’t like it).
- Pack his bag and surprise him with a secret weekend away.
It’s about thinking out of the box and really surprising him. Why does this make him want you more?
Because it shows him that he doesn’t completely know you after all.
You aren’t predictable.
You’re fun and lively and you’re keeping things interesting.
This will draw him to you and make him miss you when you’re not around.
18. Don’t always say yes
Whether it’s on a date or choosing what to have for dinner that night, don’t always say yes.
You don’t want him thinking that you’re always around and just agreeing with everything he says. Men lose interest if you’re always available to them and agreeing with everything they say and do.
Just like spontaneity, it’s about keeping things interesting and that means mixing it up.
If you always say yes, things will burn out quickly. Take a break – and that’s when you can make him miss you during breaks.
It sounds counterintuitive, but a little bit of conflict in a relationship is a good thing.
It suddenly switches you from predictable to intriguing, and that’s something a guy wants to chase.
19. Add a little bit of mystery and surprise
Your guy loves a little bit of mystery. You do not need to tell everything about you in just one sitting.
Men tend to lose interest if they already know everything about you. They think they already conquered you and you do not excite them anymore. Remember, men love the chase and challenge.
Also, it won’t hurt if you surprise your man sometimes. Instead of a traditional dinner or movie date, why not go hiking and go for an adventure?
If he’s happy with your company, he will miss that and will always find ways to be with you again.
This could be a sign that your twin soul is thinking of you.
20. Find activities for just the two of you
You both have your own likes – now it’s time to find something you share together.
Something just for the two of you.
This will help you build a strong relationship together and create some amazing memories.
It’ll make the time you do spend together unforgettable, and he’ll definitely be back for more.
When you’re apart, it’s the one thing that’ll be on his mind, as he counts down to see you again.
21. Let him go out and have fun
It’s every man’s dream…to be told by his other half to go out and spend time with his mates.
Be free with this, and let your man do it as much as he likes.
If it’s new to him, then he’ll probably take advantage at first – after all, who doesn’t love a big night out.
But after he gets it out of his system and realises he can have a big night whenever he likes, he’s going to start missing his quiet time with you.
He’s going to start longing for Saturday night on the couch snuggling together in front of a movie.
Don’t suggest it – let him come to it on his own.
If he really loves spending time with you, he will soon enough realise how much he misses it.
You’ll be back to pjs and ice cream on the couch in no time, and it will all be his doing.
22. Just Be You
And lastly, just be yourself. Do not pretend you’re someone else especially when you are together.
Create your own unique self that he will love and can’t resist and that is the personality of a strong, kind and independent woman.
Go crazy with him, be spontaneous, and have fun together. What guy in his right mind can resist these personalities?
And when you are apart from each other, he can compare you with other girls and he will realize how unique and beautiful you are.
And being apart, he will miss you because he knows you are definitely one of a kind.
23. But be memorable
The first step is to be a girl who is worth missing.
Do you know how great you are? If you don’t, no man is going to know that either.
You need to show up and be your best self. Love everything about yourself and your life and he’ll love you too.
Laugh hard, love hard, and give yourself what you need to be happy. When you are out there doing your own thing and being fabulous, it’s hard for a man to ignore that.
He’ll want to be around you more when you want to be around yourself.
Don’t fool yourself into thinking you need someone to make you happy. Be happy and someone will miss you when you aren’t around.
This works for exes too – as there are signs from the universe your ex is missing you.
24. Let him do his own thing
One surefire way to get him to miss you is to give him the space he needs – and you need.
While you may want to spend every waking hour with the man of your dreams, the truth is that you need time to do your own thing too.
The more time you spend apart, the more you’ll both want to be together. If you give him the space to miss you, he surely will.
Check in and stay in touch, but don’t crowd him. Leave a little to the imagination and make sure there is still a reason for him to check in with you.
25. Don’t try so hard
If we’ve learned anything about having successful relationships, it’s that you can’t try so hard.
You can find out when do guys start to miss you. When you try hard, you repel things, especially people. Your relationship shouldn’t be about trying hard. It should be about loving hard.
When you have to try to get him to miss you, the opposite will happen. Things go wrong, it comes out all wrong: it turns him off.
Just be yourself, do your own thing, give him the space he needs, and be amazing when he’s around. He’ll miss you when you are just being you.
26. Take your time
Want your guy to miss you? Then leave him wanting.
Don’t rush into things you can’t take back. If you are getting physical, don’t rush into things. Take your time and let him get to know you over time.
You don’t need to spend the night all the time. You can slip out, be mysterious, and take something with you.
Being in a relationship is about being transparent, but that doesn’t have to happen all at once.
(Text messaging is becoming the main way we communicate in the initial stages of dating. Check out our epic Text Chemistry review to see if this popular dating guide is worth it for you).
27. Don’t leave it all on the table
If you want your guy to miss you, you need to keep a little for yourself.
You don’t need to tell him every deep, dark secret you have.
He has questions, but you don’t have to spill your guts on the first date or the tenth. In time, he’ll ask the question, “how to make her miss you?”
You can take your time and reveal all of your awesomeness one nugget at a time.
Let him ask his questions, entertain them, and maybe even tease a little out of him yourself, but don’t go all in.
Keeping a little mystery alive in your relationship takes a lot of work. Sometimes men want to be chased.
Making him miss you is one strategy that you can use to help do that.
It’s not manipulation, it’s not being a tease – it’s just something you can do to help keep your man wanting more.
He misses you, now what?
I hope these 27 tips will help you make him miss you like crazy.
While this is a useful start to a loving and long lasting relationship, there’s one crucial ingredient to relationship happiness I think many women overlook:
Understanding how men think.
Getting your guy to open up and tell you what he’s really feeling can feel like an impossible task. And this can make building a loving relationship extremely difficult.
Let’s face it: Men see the world differently to you.
And this can make a deep passionate romantic relationship—something that men actually want deep down as well—difficult to achieve.
In my experience, the missing link in any relationship is never sex, communication or missing each other when you’re apart. All these things are important, but they are rarely deal breakers when it comes to the success of a relationship.
The missing link is that you actually have to understand what drives men romantically.
Relationship psychologist James Bauer’s new video will help you to really understand what makes men tick—and who they fall in love with. You can watch the video here.
James reveals a relationship “secret ingredient” few women know about which holds the key to a man’s love and devotion.