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12 signs you’re actually a difficult person (even if you don’t think you are)

Finding that each person that you work with throws their hands up in frustration?

Getting into more arguments that you might like?

It could be easy to think that everyone in the office is simply stubborn — but it could also be because of you.

People avoid difficult people because they make life, well, difficult.

While going about our daily activities, we might not realize the headaches we’re causing or the progress we’re hampering.

We might begin to realize our dwindling number of workplace and personal connections with others.

If you’re finding that the people around you have slowly begun disappearing, read these 12 signs to see if you’re the difficult one in the relationship.

1. You Aren’t Willing To Compromise

Over the course of a relationship, it’s natural for a fight to break out every once in a while. Both people might feel strongly about their opinions.

You might have opposing beliefs with your significant other on certain issues.

When it comes to these arguments, how willing are you to compromise?

There are certain fights not worth winning. Those are the fights that, in the bigger picture, are actually quite petty.

Difficult people fight not for the benefit of the relationship but to satisfy their own egos. They don’t know how to set it aside and come to an agreement with their partner.

2. You Are Easily Frustrated With Others

You believe that people should adhere to a certain level of skill, whether that be technical, social, maybe even romantic.

The problem is that people seldom meet your expectations, so you become easily frustrated with them.

You feel annoyed when they produce results that you don’t expect.

It’s normal to get frustrated with others.

Often, people do things that make us question their motives or their abilities.

The problem could persist, however.

Once you start noticing that people frustrate you often, it might reflect who you are rather than others.

It might mean that your standards are simply too high and unrealistic.

3. You Don’t Listen To People

When you’ve got a problem in your life, it’s common to ask for help from others. They may listen to your rants and maybe even offer you some free advice.

But you take it with a grain of salt — or not at all.

While you hear what they’re saying, you still believe that you know better than them.

You have difficulty swallowing your pride and taking someone else’s advice.

Likewise, when you’re in a conversation, most of the time it’s you that’s doing the talking.

While it might feel like a proper conversation to you, for the other person they might feel left out,

They have no space in the conversation to give their own input. You’re busy dominating the dialogue with a flurry of your own opinions and ramblings.

This can be a major turn off for people, having a difficult time simply talking to you.

4. You Frequently Get Into Arguments

There are such things as healthy debates. They’re ones where each side respectfully works out their differences to come to a shared conclusion (ideally).

They can, however, get exhausting. Not every conversation needs to have a “for” and “anti” party. Exchanging ideas can be simple, civil, and even enjoyable.

But you see conversations as chances to prove your knowledge. You have this innate need to feel right all the time.

When your friends share their thoughts, you’re quick to correct them. While it might be welcomed at first, it can get old fast.

People don’t enjoy spending time with someone that always believes that they’re wrong — it just gets too tiring.

5. You Complain Often

Complaining and ranting can often bring people together. It can be the chance for people to share the burden and pain of a dictatorial boss or frustrating client.

But complaining can only go so far.

If all you do is complain about the exact same things every time, it can be hard to form a lasting relationship with people based on that.

Instead of seeing your boss as oppressive, people might begin to see you as unwilling to take control of the situation instead.

6. You Get Left Out

You often see people that you know form groups together and go out for lunch.

While they’re obligated to work with you, that doesn’t equate to true friendship.

Knowing someone doesn’t equate to true friendship.

Being left out of the invitations from people that you work closely with can be a painful experience.

You thought that you were one of them but in reality you weren’t. They’re sending you a subtle message: reflect on your behavior. You might actually not be that easy to get along with.

7. You Don’t Have Many Friends

Do you find that you often eat lunch by yourself? Or that you have no one to go with on a Friday night? That could be a reflection of how people see you.

The fact is, it’s difficult to become friends with someone who’s difficult to deal with.

It may be your energy that’s intimidating others and driving them away. It could also be because you have such a high bar for friendship that the only person that matches it is yourself.

In either case, feeling like you have a lack of friends is the time to reevaluate your behavior. Ask yourself what you may be doing wrong.

8. You See Competitions Everywhere

Having a competitive spirit can be helpful in certain areas of life. It helps push us in our careers, both physically and mentally.

But if you see everything as a competition, that will be difficult for others to deal with. It can often get exhausting.

If you’re constantly trying to one up your friends, that will guarantee that they won’t stay by your side for long.

9. You See Others As The Problem

When we have problems in life, someone or something is always going to have to answer for it. It was because of your boss that you’re feeling stressed.

It’s because of your friends that you feel like you aren’t loved as much.

If it’s starting to feel like other people are the problem too often, and it’s seldom — or even rarely — you, then it might be time to reevaluate your situation.

A large portion of our problems in life come from the way that we view it.

Obstacles can be opportunities for growth when looked at from the right angle.

All it takes is a shift in your own perspective. It isn’t always other people’s fault. Sometimes, it’s our perspectives and expectations.

10. You Seek The Attention Of Others

In a relationship, both people will, of course, want to feel cared for.

They want to be noticed by their partners. But there is a fine line between wanting to be with your partner and possibly being too needy.

You may feel that your partner constantly neglects you. You feel that they’re not always there for you and that they forget about you often.

While that may be the case at some points, it would be wiser to step back a little and assess the situation under an objective light.

Are they really being neglectful or are you being insecure about yourself?

11. You Judge People Quickly

We often meet a spectrum of people in our daily lives.

What we don’t realize is that it begins to form a subconscious assumption about them.

If our past experience with someone that graduated from a certain college was positive, then we’re more inclined to believe that people from that college are good.

But this slowly closes our mind.

Not giving people the chance to tell their stories and categorizing them based on previous experiences can be unfair.

Being too quick to judge someone is something that the close-minded and difficult do.

12. You Don’t Let Go Easily

We’ll often encounter people that will do us wrong. They might have insulted us or treated us poorly. But over time, people have the capacity to change.

Their behaviors are replaced with maturity and honesty. While they may have changed their ways, you still treat them like they’re their past selves.

You keep bringing up the exact same issues over and over again, as if nothing’s changed.

Not being able to let go of a past grudge, especially if it’s happened long ago, can impede a rebirth of the relationship.

While not all people can be so easily forgiven, it’s still important to treat each person with the least bit of civility.

Having your mind locked on their past makes it difficult to work together, if you have to.

While there is something to be said about sticking to your own beliefs, it should be reevaluated once you notice you’re driving more people away from your life than you are attracting them.

Being difficult has the tendency to put a strain on any relationship.

Being easy to get along with doesn’t mean having to sacrifice your identity to please others.

There are compromises that can be reached by practicing empathy for one another. It makes for a smoother experience and a more enjoyable relationship.

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Written by Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 15 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Facebook or Twitter.

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