What real authenticity looks like—and why it can’t be imitated

In a world obsessed with image—filters, curated posts, and polished personas—it’s surprisingly difficult to spot what’s real.

We’ve all met people who seem kind on the surface, only to feel something off beneath. And we’ve met others who, without needing to say much, make us feel deeply seen and safe.

So what makes someone truly genuine? That’s a question I’ve come back to again and again—not just as a writer and psychology student, but as someone who’s tried (and failed) at being more liked, more impressive, more “together” than I actually felt.

Over the past decade, I’ve written hundreds of articles about mindfulness and authenticity, blending what I’ve learned from psychology and Buddhist philosophy with my own experience of slowly learning to show up as I am—not who I think I should be.

Buddhism teaches us that we are all interconnected, and that our authenticity isn’t something we manufacture—it’s something we uncover when we’re present and aligned with our values. 

In psychology, this aligns with congruence: when your actions, emotions, and words reflect a coherent inner state.

In this article, we’ll explore the signs of a genuinely authentic person—traits that can’t be mimicked or performed without eventually unraveling. These are the people who bring a kind of clarity into the room. Not because they’re perfect—but because they’re real.

1. They’re at peace with not being liked by everyone

This might sound counterintuitive, but genuine people aren’t trying to be liked all the time. 

They’re not rude or dismissive—but they’ve stopped performing for approval. You’ll notice they don’t chase validation, and they don’t crumble when someone disapproves.

In psychology, this shows up as a low need for external affirmation. It means their self-worth comes from within. They don’t rely on others to feel okay with themselves.

From a Buddhist lens, this is the essence of non-attachment. They’re not clinging to their image or identity. 

They trust that being honest and grounded will naturally connect them to the right people—and distance them from the ones who aren’t aligned.

And that’s the key: genuine people are magnetic not because they seek connection, but because they trust it will find them when they show up fully.

Personally, learning to let go of being liked was one of the hardest lessons. As someone who used to write to impress, I now write to connect. The shift came when I stopped worrying about how I came across—and started asking if I was being real.

2. They say “I don’t know” without shame

There’s something profoundly disarming about someone who can admit they don’t have all the answers. It shows humility, openness, and a lack of ego-driven defensiveness.

I used to feel pressure to always have an opinion or insight ready—especially in conversations about philosophy or psychology. 

But the more I practiced mindfulness, the more I realized how freeing it is to say, “I’m not sure” or “I need to think about that.”

Genuine people aren’t interested in winning the conversation. They’re interested in staying honest. In Buddhist psychology, this reflects right speech—speaking truthfully, with care and clarity, rather than speaking to impress or dominate.

It took me years—and a lot of writing—to admit that I don’t have everything figured out. Now, some of the most resonant moments in my work come from those quiet admissions: “I don’t know either. But here’s what I’m learning.”

3. They’re consistent—even when it’s inconvenient

It’s easy to be kind when things are going well. The real test of someone’s authenticity is how they act when it’s not easy. Genuine people don’t change their values just because it’s uncomfortable. They’re still respectful when they’re annoyed. Still honest when it might cost them.

This consistency reflects psychological congruence—alignment between one’s internal state and external behavior. It doesn’t mean they’re flawless. It means they own their behavior and take responsibility for their impact.

In Buddhism, this is related to sīla, or ethical conduct. A genuine person isn’t performing goodness—they’ve integrated it. Their values guide their actions even when no one’s watching.

In my own life, I’ve learned that showing up with integrity doesn’t always feel good in the moment—but it always feels right in hindsight. Whether it’s in relationships or running a business, consistency has become a quiet anchor I try to return to.

4. They allow space for others to be fully themselves

You’ll notice something subtle around genuine people: you feel safe being yourself. You don’t feel the need to impress, explain, or edit your thoughts. 

Why? Because they’re not scanning you for flaws. They’re not sizing you up.

This is the deep interconnection Buddhism speaks of—interbeing. A genuine person recognizes that your suffering is not separate from theirs. Your joy, your fear, your awkwardness—it’s all part of the shared human experience.

Psychologically, this is called unconditional positive regard. They may not agree with you, but they still hold space for your humanity. And that space? It’s where real relationships begin.

I’ve noticed that when I’m truly present with someone—without trying to fix them, judge them, or guide the conversation—I learn the most. Real connection isn’t about having the right words. It’s about creating space for truth to show up.

5. They don’t name-drop their good deeds

There’s a difference between doing something kind and making sure everyone knows about it. 

Genuine people don’t need recognition to feel valuable. Their sense of self-worth isn’t inflated by being seen as “good.” It’s rooted in quiet integrity.

This can feel rare in a world driven by social signaling—where even acts of generosity are sometimes curated for public display. 

But you’ll know you’re in the presence of authenticity when someone does something kind and doesn’t need you to clap for it.

In Buddhist thought, this reflects the virtue of dāna—generosity without expectation. It’s not about giving to feel superior. It’s about giving because the separation between self and other dissolves in that moment.

When I think about the most impactful people I’ve met, it’s not the ones who told me about their generosity—it’s the ones who just quietly showed up when it mattered, without making it about themselves.

6. They’re emotionally honest, not emotionally dramatic

Genuine people don’t pretend everything is fine when it’s not—but they also don’t spiral into attention-seeking displays. 

They feel deeply, but they communicate clearly. They might say, “I’m having a hard day,” without making you responsible for fixing it.

This is emotional maturity. It’s the balance between self-awareness and self-regulation. And in Buddhist psychology, this ties into mindful presence—being able to witness your emotions without becoming them.

I’ve found that the most authentic people in my life are the ones who can name what they’re feeling with honesty and kindness—no theatrics, no hiding. Just truth.

As someone who used to bottle things up or downplay how I felt, I’ve come to respect the quiet power of someone who can be emotionally honest without letting their emotions take over the room.

7. They don’t try to be “authentic”—they just are

Ironically, the people most obsessed with being perceived as “real” are often the ones performing the hardest. But genuine people aren’t trying to prove anything. Their authenticity isn’t a strategy. It’s a byproduct of presence.

This is the most subtle sign, and also the most unmistakable. There’s no forced vulnerability. No rehearsed openness. Just an ease in their body, their words, their energy. As if they’re not trying to impress you—because they aren’t.

In Buddhism, this is the fruit of right mindfulness. When you’re truly present, without clinging or resistance, your actions naturally become aligned. There’s no need to manufacture sincerity—it simply flows.

In my book Hidden Secrets of Buddhism, I wrote about this often: that our most honest self isn’t someone we have to become. It’s who we already are when we stop trying to perform.

Mindfulness perspective: True presence needs no mask

One of my favorite Buddhist teachings is the concept of original face—the idea that beneath all our conditioning, roles, and stories, there is a version of you that is effortlessly real. 

You don’t need to build it. You need to remember it.

In meditation, this often shows up in moments of deep stillness—when the mind quiets, and you’re not striving to be anything. You’re just here. And in that presence, there’s nothing to defend, perform, or perfect.

The irony is, the more we try to be authentic, the further we drift from it. But when we practice being present—with ourselves and others—authenticity isn’t something we do. It’s who we are without the armor.

If you want to show up as a genuine person, don’t start by changing your personality. Start by noticing where you’re performing. Then pause. Breathe. Let go. And trust that presence will do the rest.

Realness isn’t loud—it’s steady

Genuine people aren’t always the most charming, charismatic, or popular. But they leave an impression. Not because they say the right things—but because you can feel that they’re not hiding.

In a world of performance, presence is radical. And authenticity isn’t about being raw all the time. It’s about being real enough to stay grounded in your truth, even when it’s uncomfortable.

After years of studying psychology and writing about mindfulness, here’s what I’ve learned: the more we try to be impressive, the more we distance ourselves from connection. But the more we return to presence, the more we become someone others can trust—not because we say the right thing, but because we mean what we say.

So if you’re wondering how to be more genuine, maybe the question isn’t “How do I seem real?” but rather, “Where can I be more present?” Because that’s where all real connection begins.