11 personality traits in a man that are definitely red flags

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Meeting a man who seems perfect at first is exciting, right? But what about when certain things start to feel off?

Believe it or not, spotting these red flags early can save you from a potentially unhealthy relationship.

Let’s talk about 11 personality traits in a man that could be warning signs.

1. He’s always the victim

Ever met a guy who seems to have the worst luck in the world?

Every story he tells involves him being the innocent party, caught up in situations beyond his control.

His exes were all ‘crazy’, his boss is ‘out to get him’, and he never seems to be at fault for anything that goes wrong in his life.

While everyone goes through tough times, perpetual victimhood might be a sign that he’s not willing to take responsibility for his actions.

This can lead to problems down the line, as someone who can’t own up to their mistakes can be hard to have a healthy relationship with.

Remember, everyone has a role to play in their own story. If his version always paints him as the blameless victim, you might want to reconsider if this is the kind of narrative you want in your life.

2. He’s overly controlling

Have you ever been with a guy who wants to know your every move? Who gets upset if you don’t respond to his texts immediately or questions you about the people you hang out with?

While it’s normal to show interest in your partner’s life, there’s a thin line between caring and controlling.

A man who always wants to know where you are, what you’re doing, and who you’re with may be demonstrating signs of possessiveness.

Don’t forget, trust is a cornerstone of any healthy relationship.

If he can’t trust you to make decisions or have a life outside of your relationship, it might be time to take a step back and assess whether this is the kind of behavior you’re comfortable with.

3. He’s dismissive of your feelings

I once dated a guy who would brush off my feelings as if they were nothing more than annoying flies. If I was upset about something, he’d say things like, “You’re overreacting,” or “Why do you always have to be so sensitive?”

At first, I thought maybe I was being overly emotional. But over time, I realized that he was dismissing my feelings instead of addressing the issues at hand.

It’s as if my emotions were an inconvenience to him.

A man who constantly dismisses or belittles your feelings is showing a lack of respect and empathy.

Your feelings are valid and you deserve to be heard. If he can’t acknowledge your emotions and work through issues with you, it’s a definite red flag.

4. He’s always right

Ever been around someone who seems to know everything about everything? Who contradicts you at every turn and insists they’re always right? It’s exhausting, isn’t it?

Interestingly enough, this behavior has a name. It’s called “intellectual bullying,” and it’s a form of manipulation where one person asserts their intellectual superiority over others.

It can be subtle, like constantly correcting you, or more overt, like dismissing your opinions outright.

A man who can’t admit he’s wrong or consider other perspectives is showing a lack of humility and respect.

A healthy relationship involves open communication and mutual respect for each other’s thoughts and opinions.

If he can’t do that, it might be time to reconsider your relationship.

5. He doesn’t respect your boundaries

Boundaries are like invisible lines that we draw around ourselves to protect our well-being and happiness.

They can be physical, like not wanting to be touched in certain ways, or emotional, like not wanting to discuss certain topics.

Imagine you’ve told a man about your discomfort with public displays of affection.

But he keeps trying to hold your hand or kiss you in public, brushing off your protests with a laugh. That’s a clear sign he’s not respecting your boundaries.

Having your boundaries ignored or belittled can be deeply hurtful. It’s a sign that he values his own desires more than your comfort and well-being. And that, dear reader, is not the basis for a loving, respectful relationship.

You have every right to set boundaries and expect them to be respected. A man who truly cares about you will honor your boundaries and make you feel safe and respected.

6. He’s secretive about his past

I’ll never forget this one guy I dated a few years back. Let’s call him Mark. Mark was charming, funny, and we had instant chemistry.

But every time I asked about his past or tried to delve a little deeper into his personal life, he would swiftly change the subject or give vague, non-committal answers.

At first, I thought he was just private, but as time went on, I realized it was more than that. It felt like he was hiding something. The more I tried to understand him, the more walls he put up.

Every relationship requires honesty and openness. If a man is excessively secretive about his past, it’s hard to fully trust him or know who he really is.

You’re not asking for a detailed account of every moment of his life, but basic honesty and openness are a must for any successful relationship.

7. He’s hot and cold

One minute, he’s all over you, showering you with attention and affection. The next, he’s distant, aloof, and leaves you feeling like you’re walking on eggshells. Sound familiar?

This hot and cold behavior can drive anyone to the brink of madness. It’s like being on a roller coaster ride that you didn’t sign up for.

One day, you’re his everything. The next, you’re left wondering if he even cares about you at all.

Let’s be real here. Consistency is key in any relationship. You deserve someone who makes you feel loved and valued consistently, not just when it suits them.

If he can’t offer that consistency, then maybe it’s time to consider if he’s really worth your time and emotional energy.

8. He’s cruel to others

You’ve probably heard the saying, “How someone treats their waiter is a great indication of their character.”

There’s actually quite a bit of truth to this.

Observing how a person treats those who are in a service role can offer important insights into their character.

If a man is rude or unkind to people he perceives as ‘below’ him – waitstaff, cleaners, or even strangers on the street – it’s a warning sign.

It indicates a lack of empathy and respect for others, traits that are crucial in any healthy relationship.

So, if he’s always snapping at waitstaff, dismissing their efforts, or treating them poorly, it’s time to reconsider.

Kindness and respect should extend to everyone he interacts with, not just the people he wants to impress.

9. He doesn’t respect your time

I had this boyfriend once who was chronically late. We’d make plans, set a time, and without fail, he’d show up an hour late or sometimes not at all.

When I confronted him about it, he’d brush it off with a casual, “I got caught up,” or “You know how bad I am with time.”

Over time, I realized that it wasn’t just about being bad with time. It was about respect. By constantly keeping me waiting, he was sending the message that his time was more valuable than mine.

Time is one of the most precious resources we have. When a man doesn’t respect your time, he’s essentially saying he doesn’t value you.

If he can’t make the effort to honor his commitments and be punctual, it might be time to question whether he truly values your relationship.

10. He’s too clingy

Ever had a guy who just can’t seem to function without you? Who needs to be in constant contact, who gets upset if you want to spend time with friends or do things on your own?

Being in a relationship doesn’t mean losing your individuality.

It’s healthy to have time apart, to have your own hobbies, interests, and friends.

If he’s too clingy or can’t stand the thought of you having a life outside of him, that’s a red flag.

You’re his partner, not his entire world. You should both be able to maintain your independence while still being a part of each other’s lives.

11. He dismisses your ambitions

Maybe you have dreams of starting your own business or traveling the world. Maybe you’re passionate about a cause or keen on pursuing further studies.

But every time you talk about your dreams and ambitions, he dismisses them or makes you feel silly for having them.

That’s not okay.

We all need support and encouragement, especially from our partners.

If he can’t support your ambitions or makes you feel small for having them, it’s a clear sign that he doesn’t value what’s important to you.

In the end, remember this: You deserve someone who respects you, supports you, and loves you for who you are – ambitions, quirks, and all. Don’t settle for anything less.

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Tina Fey

I'm Tina Fey, the founder of the blog Love Connection. I've extremely passionate about sharing relationship advice. I've studied psychology and have my Masters in marital, family, and relationship counseling. I hope with all my heart to help you improve your relationships, and I hope that even if one thing I write helps you, it means more to me than just about anything else in the world. Check out my blog Love Connection, and if you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Twitter

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