10 things you’re doing in public that reveal you grew up without much love and affection

It’s often said that our past shapes us. The love and affection we receive during childhood can greatly influence how we behave as adults.

Sometimes, certain public behaviors can inadvertently hint at a less than affectionate upbringing. Unconsciously, these behaviors might be signaling to the world that you grew up without much love and warmth.

In this article, I’ll share ten subtle signs that might indicate a lack of affection in your past. It’s not about judging or blaming, but about understanding and empathizing.

Let’s dive in.

1) You avoid physical contact

Physical touch is a fundamental part of human interaction, a way we express care, comfort, and support.

But if you grew up without much affection, you might find yourself instinctively dodging hugs and handshakes in public. You may feel uncomfortable with proximity or flinch at unexpected contact.

This isn’t about personal space preferences – it’s a deeper discomfort, rooted in early experiences where touch was absent or inconsistent.

This avoidance of physical contact could be a sign that you didn’t receive the love and warmth you needed as a child. But remember, it’s not your fault and it’s something that can be worked on over time.

2) You struggle with accepting compliments

Compliments can be tricky, especially if you’re not used to receiving them. I recall a time when someone complimented my outfit and instead of simply thanking them, I downplayed it, said it was old or that it wasn’t anything special.

It took me a while to realize that this was a reflection of my own self-worth. Growing up without much affection, I wasn’t used to positive attention. So I would brush off compliments, thinking I didn’t deserve them.

If you find yourself doing the same thing, it may be a sign that you grew up missing that validation and positive reinforcement that comes with love and affection. But remember, it’s okay to accept kind words from others – you are deserving of them.

3) You’re overly independent

We all value our independence, but there’s a difference between being self-reliant and being resistant to help from others. Some people go to great lengths to avoid asking for assistance, even when it’s clearly needed.

This can stem from a childhood where you had to rely heavily on yourself because the support and care that should have been there wasn’t. A study published in the Journal of Personality found a correlation between low parental warmth in childhood and heightened self-reliance in adulthood.

So if you notice that you’re always insisting on doing things your way, refusing help even when it’s offered, it might be a sign of a love-deprived upbringing. But remember, it’s okay to ask for help; it doesn’t make you any less strong or capable.

4) You have difficulty forming close relationships

Building intimate relationships can be a challenge if you didn’t grow up with a lot of love and affection. You might find it hard to trust others, or fear that they might leave or disappoint you.

You may keep people at arm’s length, even when you crave closeness. Or you might find yourself constantly testing the waters, looking for signs that the person will eventually let you down.

If this sounds familiar, it could be a sign that your childhood was lacking in the emotional warmth department. But remember, it’s never too late to form meaningful connections. It takes time, patience and courage, but it’s worth the effort.

5) You’re overly critical of yourself

Being hard on oneself can often be a sign of an affection-deprived childhood. You may have internalized the lack of positive reinforcement and love as a failure on your part.

As a result, you might find yourself constantly striving for perfection, beating yourself up over small mistakes, or feeling like you’re never quite good enough.

If you’re always being your own toughest critic, it could be a sign that you grew up without the nurturing environment that fosters self-esteem and self-love. But remember, we all make mistakes and it’s important to learn how to be kind to yourself. You are enough just as you are.

6) You constantly feel the need to please others

People-pleasing can often be a way of seeking the love and approval that was missing in your early years. You might find yourself going out of your way to make others happy, often at the expense of your own needs and wants.

This can leave you feeling drained, unappreciated, and even resentful. But it’s hard to break the cycle because deep down, you’re just yearning for that validation you never received.

If this resonates with you, it could be a sign that you grew up without much affection. But remember, your worth is not determined by how much you do for others. It’s okay to prioritize your own happiness and well-being too. You are deserving of love and care just as much as anyone else.

7) You have a hard time expressing your emotions

For the longest time, I found it difficult to put my feelings into words. Whether it was joy, sadness, or anything in between, I’d often keep it bottled up inside.

It was like a language I never learned to speak, a direct result of growing up in an environment where emotions were not openly discussed or validated.

If you too find it challenging to express your emotions, this could indicate a lack of affection in your upbringing. But remember, it’s never too late to learn this language. Emotional expression is a skill that can be developed with time and practice. It’s okay to let people in and share how you feel.

8) You’re overly generous

While generosity is generally seen as a positive trait, there’s a twist when it comes to those who grew up without much love and affection. You might find yourself giving more than what’s healthy or sustainable, in an attempt to fill the void left by a lack of emotional warmth in your early life.

You may believe that by being extremely generous, you will be more loved and appreciated. But this can often lead to burnout and feelings of resentment when the reciprocation isn’t as expected.

If this sounds like you, it might be a sign of an affection-deprived childhood. But remember, it’s okay to set boundaries and take care of your own needs first. True generosity is about balance, not self-sacrifice.

9) You often feel like an outsider

Feeling like an outsider, even when you’re surrounded by people, can be a sign of a love-deprived childhood. You might feel as if you don’t quite belong, or as if there’s an invisible wall separating you from others.

This could be because growing up without much love and affection can make it difficult to form deep connections. You might struggle to understand or relate to others who had different experiences.

If you often feel like an outsider, it could indicate that you didn’t receive the emotional warmth and connection you needed as a child. But remember, it’s okay to feel different and it’s never too late to seek connections that make you feel understood and accepted.

10) You struggle to love yourself

Self-love can be a monumental challenge if you grew up without much affection. You may have internalized the lack of love as a reflection of your worth, leading to a harsh inner critic and a struggle with self-acceptance.

It’s important to understand that this struggle does not define you. It’s a reflection of your past, not of your worth or potential. And while learning to love yourself might be one of the biggest challenges you’ll face, it’s also one of the most rewarding journeys you’ll ever embark on.

Reflection: The power of understanding

The complexities of human behavior have roots that often reach deep into our past. Our upbringing and the level of love and affection we received can significantly impact how we interact with the world.

It’s crucial to remember that these behaviors, while indicative of a less affectionate childhood, do not define you as a person. They are not shortcomings or failures, but rather reflections of experiences that were beyond your control.

Psychologist Carl Rogers once said, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” Acknowledging these signs is not about self-blame or regret, but about understanding and acceptance.

By recognizing these behaviors, you open up a path towards healing and growth. It’s never too late to seek love, to give love, and most importantly, to learn to love yourself.

Just remember: You are not alone, and you are worthy of love and affection. Your journey is unique, and every step you take towards understanding and self-love is a step in the right direction.

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Tina Fey

I'm Tina Fey, the founder of the blog Love Connection. I've extremely passionate about sharing relationship advice. I've studied psychology and have my Masters in marital, family, and relationship counseling. I hope with all my heart to help you improve your relationships, and I hope that even if one thing I write helps you, it means more to me than just about anything else in the world. Check out my blog Love Connection, and if you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Twitter

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