Lachlan Brown
It’s a fine line between being self-deprecating and having low self-esteem. Sometimes, we don’t even realize we’re crossing it.
Low self-esteem isn’t just about thinking you’re not good enough. It’s often subtler, manifesting in small actions and words you might not even notice.
You see, when you have low self-esteem, you do things that reflect your lack of confidence without even realizing it. And trust me, there are signs.
1) Constantly seeking validation
Do you ever find yourself consistently looking for approval from others?
This is a classic low self-esteem behavior. It’s not about receiving constructive feedback or learning from others. It’s about needing others to confirm your worth.
You see, when you have a healthy level of self-esteem, you understand that your value isn’t defined by other people’s opinions. You know your worth, and while you may appreciate compliments and positive feedback, you don’t rely on them to feel good about yourself.
But when you’re constantly seeking validation, it’s like you’re outsourcing your self-worth. You’re relying on others to tell you that you’re good enough, smart enough, attractive enough.
The issue with this is it makes your self-esteem contingent on external factors, which are often out of your control. And that’s a shaky foundation to build your self-confidence on.
2) Frequently apologizing
Have you ever noticed yourself saying “sorry” far too often? I’ve been there before, and let me tell you, it’s a tough habit to break.
A few years ago, I found myself apologizing for everything. If someone bumped into me, I said sorry. If I asked a question in a meeting, I prefaced it with an apology. Even when things were clearly not my fault, I felt the need to apologize.
This constant apologizing was a clear manifestation of my low self-esteem. It was as if I felt the need to apologize for my very existence, like I was a burden to others.
The thing is, over-apologizing not only erodes your self-esteem but also dilutes the meaning of your apologies. Your words start to carry less weight because you’re saying sorry when there’s nothing to be sorry for.
3) Negative self-talk
Negative self-talk is another sneaky sign of low self-esteem. This involves criticizing yourself, doubting your abilities, or always expecting the worst.
It’s like having a little voice in your head that constantly puts you down. And this voice can be incredibly damaging to your self-esteem.
According to cognitive behavioral therapy, what you tell yourself can actually shape how you perceive reality. It’s a concept known as cognitive distortions.
For example, let’s say you make a small mistake at work. If you’re prone to negative self-talk, you might start thinking things like “I’m such a failure”, “I can’t do anything right”, or “I’m going to lose my job”.
These thoughts are not based in reality, but they can feel very real when you’re stuck in a cycle of negative self-talk.
4) Avoiding eye contact
Eye contact is a simple yet powerful form of nonverbal communication. It can express confidence, interest, and respect. However, if you’re constantly avoiding eye contact, it could be a sign of low self-esteem.
When we feel insecure or unsure of ourselves, we may find it hard to maintain eye contact with others. It’s as if we’re trying to hide ourselves, to avoid being seen.
This doesn’t mean you have to stare people down to prove your confidence. It’s about being comfortable enough to meet someone’s gaze without feeling the need to quickly look away.
If you catch yourself constantly avoiding eye contact, it may be worth exploring whether this is tied to feelings of low self-esteem.
5) Difficulty accepting compliments
When someone throws a compliment your way, how do you react? If you find it hard to accept that compliment graciously, you might be dealing with low self-esteem.
For some, a simple “thank you” seems impossible. They may downplay the compliment, shrug it off, or quickly change the subject. It’s as if they don’t believe they are deserving of the praise.
This difficulty in accepting compliments often stems from a deeply ingrained belief that we are not good enough. When someone compliments us, it contradicts this belief, creating a sense of discomfort and cognitive dissonance.
If this sounds familiar, it’s a good idea to start practicing accepting compliments with grace and gratitude. After all, you earned them – and you deserve them.
6) Fear of expressing your needs
Expressing our needs can be challenging, especially when we’re afraid of rejection or judgment. But, if you constantly suppress your needs because you’re afraid of how others might react, it’s a clear sign of low self-esteem.
You see, each of us has the right to express our needs and desires. It’s not about being selfish or demanding; it’s about respecting ourselves enough to communicate what we want and need from our relationships and life.
When we silence our needs, we’re essentially saying that other people’s wants and feelings are more important than our own. And that’s simply not true.
You matter. Your needs matter. If you find it hard to express your needs, it might be a sign that your self-esteem could use a boost.
7) Overworking to prove your worth
There was a time in my life when I would work long hours, skip breaks, and take on extra tasks, all in an attempt to prove my worth. I thought that by working harder, I could finally feel good enough.
Overworking to prove your worth is a common sign of low self-esteem. It’s the belief that if you just work hard enough or achieve enough, you’ll finally be worthy of respect and love.
But here’s the thing – your worth is not determined by how much you work or what you achieve. You are inherently valuable, just as you are.
If you find yourself overworking to prove your worth, it might be time to reassess your self-esteem. You don’t have to earn your worth – you are already enough.
8) Not setting boundaries
It might seem like not setting boundaries makes you a more likable, easy-going person. But in reality, the inability to set boundaries often indicates low self-esteem.
Boundaries are a crucial part of healthy relationships and self-care. They define what is acceptable behavior towards us and what isn’t.
However, when you struggle with low self-esteem, setting boundaries can feel uncomfortable. You might worry about upsetting others or fear being seen as demanding.
Yet, the ironic part is that by not setting boundaries, we allow others to treat us in ways that further damage our self-esteem.
If you find it hard to set boundaries, it could be an indication that your self-esteem needs some TLC. It’s okay to say no, it’s okay to prioritize your own needs, and it’s more than okay to establish what treatment you will and won’t accept. Your self-worth deserves it.
9) Taking criticism to heart
Criticism is a part of life. Everyone faces it, but how we react to it can reveal a lot about our self-esteem.
If you find yourself taking criticism to heart, dwelling on it, or letting it ruin your day, it’s likely a sign of low self-esteem.
When your self-esteem is low, criticism can feel like a direct attack on your worth as a person. But remember, criticism is usually about a specific action or behavior, not about you as an individual.
Learning to separate yourself from the criticism and using it as a tool for growth rather than a personal attack is key to building healthier self-esteem.
If you’re someone who takes criticism to heart, it might be time to work on building up your self-esteem. You are more than the criticisms you receive.
10) Comparing yourself to others
If there’s one thing that can really damage your self-esteem, it’s comparing yourself to others.
In a world where social media often showcases the best parts of people’s lives, it’s easy to feel like you’re falling short. But remember, comparison is the thief of joy.
Your journey is unique, and your worth isn’t determined by how you stack up against others. The only person you should compare yourself to is the person you were yesterday.
There’s no one else like you in this world. And that’s your superpower.
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